I can be just as likable as I am unlikable.
I can be just as charming as I am annoying.
I can be just as kind as I am cruel.
I am not consistent, not predictable.
But the one thing you can always count on
Is my stubborness,
My unwavering, steadfast spirit
That will never compromise
Despite my inconsistencies.

No more of this *******.
Just deal with it.
Look people in the eye;
Look at them when you speak.
When people make you angry,
Don't simply swallow it down
Like a poison that slowly kills you.
Tell them.
Tell them they ****** you off,
That they crossed a line
They shouldn't have crossed.

They all form a circle
Tightly woven like a sweater
With no extra room
No space at all,
Not even for me.

You tell me to be open
Then you close the door,
Just shut it right in my face.
You seem so warm, then you just
Freeze over, leaving me shivering.
I don't understand you.
I don't know what you want from me.
I can't be perfectly lukewarm,
All the time.
I can't read your mind.

Your thoughts are real
But if you feed them,
They become even more real.
They can decide how you feel
If you give them permission.

Fixated, restricted,
My eyes cannot move.
They cannot blink;
The pupils dilate.
My neck is rolling backwards
While my mouth opens, simply gaping,
At the ceiling.

And after he finishes,
The adrenaline stops.
I am left all alone,
All alone with my thoughts.

The memories come flooding back,
And suddenly I am young again.
Suddenly it's so hard to pretend
That I am okay.

At that moment I am just a girl,
Defenseless, confused, and seeking refuge
In my own little world.

Rotting flesh
Can be consumed
By the most possessed
It is a sickly sacrifice
At its best
And the devil is laughing
At all of us.

Every time I write,
It's like the world makes sense again.
Everything is a chaotic blur
Until I can find the words
To describe it all.
The story I'm writing -
Well, it's practically writing itself.
Doesn't really need my help.
And when I sit down,
My fingers typing all by themselves,
I finally feel like I know what my life is about.

It sounds crazy, I know,
But you see, it always talks to me.
Wears me down, makes me question
Everything.
Now even your love is on the table,
Analyzed to death, never able
To stand alone, pure and simple.

Underappreciated,
For overworking.
And yet look at what you expect!
A smile every day and a simple
'No problem, I can take care of it.'
And you answer the phone,
Take your several smoke breaks,
Try to impress the higher ups,
While looking down on all of us.

Would I ever love to
Stomp you down
Until you believe
That nothing you do
Means anything

People are so quick to judge
Where you're going
When they have gone nowhere
When they have yet
To put their name and their success
In bright flashing lights.

Outside of work I am restless
At work it is the same way
What do I want?
What do I expect?
And what kind of change
Will put me to rest?

You act so ditzy
It's sickening
Everything about you is
Fake, fake, fake.
I can't even look in your eyes;
They're blank.

Evil is quiet;
It does not need to be loud.
So light, it floats above us,
Higher than the clouds.

What kind of legacy can I leave
When you are constantly
Holding me back?

I want to feel the icy touch
Of independence
Caressing my face
Reminding me that it's not so scary
To be alone.

She zips up my mouth
She holds my arms down
She presses me firmly against the cold, hard ground
She takes over my life
She cuts my pride with a knife
And I have to smile when everyone says that she's 'nice.'

You're not just mean; you're evil.
And yes, there is a big difference.
You don't scowl, you merely smile
While you do something rotten and vile.
You don't shout; you merely whisper
And somehow everyone seems to concur.

Is it cheating
To rely on another person
To make you feel whole,
To make you feel happy
When the whole time
You should be doing that
For yourself.

I write, yet I feel empty.
I paint, yet I feel empty.
I sing, yet I feel empty.
I kiss you, and I feel something.

Can't explain it.
This strange, eerie feeling,
That I could be so much more,
But never will be.

Can you love two people
At the same time
Or is it a violation
Of your mind?

I close my eyes;
I am so tired.
Mentally, physically,
And of course, emotionally.
I'm sitting here in this box,
Next to people that I kind of know,
That I am sort of acquainted with.
It feels so lonely, really,
But I don't tell anybody.
I just sit here, bored and empty,
Hoping one day it will change.

Please, just,
Stop the clock.
Stop everything.
I would do anything
To freeze this moment
And figure out
How I want to spend my future.

I don't belong here
In this...place.
Somehow I convinced myself
That I did.
Somehow I told myself
I couldn't do any better.
Somehow I lied to myself,
And now I don't know if I can trust myself again.

Walls built so high
Walls scare me, I don't know why.
Maybe because I was told not to cry
And if I did, my feelings were denied.
I stuffed them down, and they learned to hide;
I suffocated them, and they slowly died.

Is it just a white pill
That stands in the way of insanity,
That repels these crazy parts of me?

Is it just a white pill
That calls the shots,
That can be responsible when I am not?

Is it just a white pill
That can save my relationships,
Make people hate me a little less?

It is just the white pill, isn't it?
So who I am?
I always forget.

The medicine's not working
As usual
And the effects are brutal
As my mind makes up the strangest stories
About you, about me,
About anything
That it can grasp,
So paranoid,
I can't relax.

You can do anything,
And you can do it well.
Yet you lie there on the shelf,
And you never ask for help.

I do my job with a smile
A sweet, sickening smile.
You know that my 'have a good day!'
Is far from sincere
You know that I don't want to be here
Yet I come every day, anyway,
And I don't make any attempts to escape
So what does that say
About me?

He looks down on me
Not with belittling eyes
They are soft, softer than the pillows on his bed.
They are a deep brown that swallows me, distracts me from everything terrible.
They are addictive, absolutely necessary for me to get through the day.

I feel so alive today.
By tomorrow I'll feel dead.
And yes, I know it's all in my head
All imaginary, you said.

I'm hearing it again -
The voice.
I don't want to, though;
It isn't by choice.

She fools herself
Every day
She won't be happy
Unless she gets her way
And if she doesn't
There's a high price to pay
Regardless of your feelings,
That price won't be waived.

Please, let's defy nature
Let's be stronger than our urges
Let's give it a thought before we pursue
And despite all of those things we're expected to do
Let's just be ourselves and let others be too.

I lied to you;
I don't know why.
The point is, though, that I'm not fine.
Every day someone crosses the line.
Every day I feel so **** confined.

Cradled in his father's arms, he cried.
He blocked out the nurses, the other patients, even me
So that his parents were the only people he could see.
'Am I going crazy?' He asked them, choked by his own tears.
Only eighteen years old.
He was just a boy.

Sometimes I wish someone, some kind soul,
Would just shoot me in the face
So I can see what it's like to be erased
From the world.

I am so bitter
I am so mad
I've lost yet another thing
I thought that I had.

It's all in my head
Doesn't mean it's not real
I still think what I think
And feel what I feel.

I wake up to a new day,
Not really new;
Everything goes the same way.
I pretend I have control,
It's a stupid game I play
While time continues wasting away.

I love you, but it frightens me
Because you are the only one I see
Because everyone else fails to be
You.

I won't flash you a scowl, I'll flash you a smile.
It stings a lot worse and burns for a while.

I will mock your vulnerability,
Trample it mercilessly
Because it seems so fake,
And if not, it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Cruelty covers my tears
In an opaque veil
So you can't even tell
How affected I am.

It's pointless for me to worry about you,
But somehow, in some way, I do.
I should know by now your heart is ice,
And the best you can do is pretend to be nice.

There's a certain calmness that follows,
Like all your pain has been erased,
But it does not simply leave
Without first leaving a trace.

All I want is the pain,
To feel a little less insane,
To see my emotions rain,
Raining red, raining bright,
It's raining all over me tonight.