I open the front door
while the autumn breeze
trickles in,
as I lay
with my face against that
faded yellow pillow case.

I watch
as the snow floats
off of the tree
and hovers in the air.

Look, how the leaves
dance on their branches.
They shine
they laugh
and settle back to sleep.

You'll break apart,
                                                          ­           they say.

We know it's important,
But it will fade away
                                                            ­        they say.

You are going to forget about them
                                                            ­        they say.

Things
          will
                    change
                                     ­                               they say.

We think we're different.                                                       ­                                                                 ­                              
But in thinking that, we are                                                              ­                                                                 ­                   
the same.                                                            ­                                      

                         ­                                                                 ­       I know your deepest thoughts
                                                        ­                                           and secrets. You're a part of my
                                                              ­                                       makeshift family, and I love that.

And knowing that
one day
                 I won't know
                    your name,
                     leaves me
  dry                      
                            and empty.

I'm not the girl that needs to be
taken care of, or treated like
a ******* porcelain doll.
I'm bruised and tattered, and
so are you. It's no secret.
Why should we pretend?

Someone needs to be real with me
and not say what I want to hear.
Tell me the hard ****, and show me
the world of how you really think
inside that ****** up head of yours.

I hate cliche, so don't be like that.
Don't butter me up with compliments.
They make me uncomfortable. And
that way, I won't feel so **** lost when they stop
flowing out of your mouth because you're bored of courting.

Let me be your friend first, I don't want to be
put on a pedestal, like I'm some piece of art to admire.
There is no need for the attention, it's degrading, in fact.

Tease me, and make me laugh. Don't be so
**** serious. I hate it. This isn't a drill camp.
Don't be afraid to play rough with me, I'm
a big girl. I can handle myself. So just... don't
think about it. Okay? Lets just go run around
and have some fun. I don't need you to be
serious.

Don't get me wrong though, sometimes                                                                                                                              
it would be nice if you held my hand. Or                                                                                                                          
let me play with your hair, and                                                                                                                                            
scratch your back.                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                                                But hey.
                                                            ­                                                                 ­  I don't require your full commitment.
                                                     ­                                                                 ­                          In fact, I don't even want it.
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                           Lets go **** **** up.

I wish
You realized how inconsiderate
your everyday actions
affect the people you supposedly care about.

I wish
you payed attention, and realized I still care.
Because deep down
we both know you are hurting me.

I wish
you ******* cared because
I know how tempting it is.
I could be turning around and
do the exact same thing
that you are doing to me.
And trust me,
I want to. badly.

But the difference between you and I
is that I know it would **** you.
And I actually care,
even if you don't give a flying ****
about me.


I wish you were the friend I wanted you to be.

I sat here
and I cried.

For hours
trying to comprehend
that I won't kiss you again

or lay my head on your chest
while cuddling in my bed

because you still chose her.
I've always known you would.

I cried
when you promised me
that I'll find someone better.
Someone that will make me happier.

because you are the best person
that I will ever know.

I cried
as I realized
that I may never feel
for another person
the way I do about you

because what we had
was real.

I cried
when you told me that
all you ever wanted to do
was to make me happy

And you were sorry
for making it come true

because you knew in the end
that this would fall through.


I cried
when we said
our last
'goodnight'

because I could tell
that it was the end.

I will never forget about you.

to care,
to have expectations,
to be jealous.

You're with her
for a reason.

I'm merely here
to pass the time

                                 while she's gone.


But hey,
I'll keep you company
for as long as you want me to.
Second best
is better
than worst.

water and ice
is what I feel like.

though the same,
they can form into one another
back and forth.
its entity is interpretive.

happiness in a neat little cube
the tray has been the mold of my life
confining me, unaware.

but water runs free,
spills everywhere
and soaks into its surroundings.
I'm still here,
h2o.

but a new form has taken shape
widening my perspective to a new world
I never realized could exist.
                                                                                           the accessibility is limited
                                                                                                      but I'm learning how to find it.
                                                                                                simply knowing that there is
                                                                                             something
                                                                                                     makes it eons more beautiful

this little green monster,
of envy
and jealousy,
festering inside me -
is slowly growing,
to try and
consume
my whole body.

With every molecule
of my being
I try to lock it away,
never to be heard from again.

But he is strong.
He is fighting.
And he soon will win.
                                                                                                                                         I don't know how much longer
                                                                                                                                                         I can battle with him.

Your   hot  breath
against
                        my

neck,   melts me
into
a puddle
of

                                   c o n f u s i o n .