I wish
You realized how inconsiderate
your everyday actions
affect the people you supposedly care about.

I wish
you payed attention, and realized I still care.
Because deep down
we both know you are hurting me.

I wish
you ******* cared because
I know how tempting it is.
I could be turning around and
do the exact same thing
that you are doing to me.
And trust me,
I want to. badly.

But the difference between you and I
is that I know it would **** you.
And I actually care,
even if you don't give a flying ****
about me.


I wish you were the friend I wanted you to be.

I sat here
and I cried.

For hours
trying to comprehend
that I won't kiss you again

or lay my head on your chest
while cuddling in my bed

because you still chose her.
I've always known you would.

I cried
when you promised me
that I'll find someone better.
Someone that will make me happier.

because you are the best person
that I will ever know.

I cried
as I realized
that I may never feel
for another person
the way I do about you

because what we had
was real.

I cried
when you told me that
all you ever wanted to do
was to make me happy

And you were sorry
for making it come true

because you knew in the end
that this would fall through.


I cried
when we said
our last
'goodnight'

because I could tell
that it was the end.

I will never forget about you.

to care,
to have expectations,
to be jealous.

You're with her
for a reason.

I'm merely here
to pass the time

                                 while she's gone.


But hey,
I'll keep you company
for as long as you want me to.
Second best
is better
than worst.

My eyes feel dry and heavier than usual;
coffee didn't do too much for me today.

I haven't seen my roommate in a few hours,
so I'm sitting in the dark waiting for sleep to come.

The mini fridge below my lofted bed
sounds like an alien spaceship.
It's strangely soothing, though.

I left the **** window open
and now I'm freezing my *** off,
but the crisp air has a nice smell.

Someone on the third floor is running around
and laughing like an obnoxious twelve year old girl,
which makes me wonder -
when was the last time I laughed that hard?

The mini fridge stopped running,
and my roommate has returned.

Monday is almost over.






*CVT

.                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                              Inhale
Your eyelids heavily weigh down.
A warm, calming sensation
is passed throughout your entire body.
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                   Exhale
Feel the gravitational pull
on your limbs.
Focus on sensory details;
the scratchiness of the tag on your shirt,
your matted hair.
Feel your toes naturally resting
against one another,
and the warmth of everything around you.
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                            Take a deep breath.
Look around you.
Do you notice yourself smiling?
Well, you should.

You should smile because
you are here.
You are alive and well.
and you are here.
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                    Keep breathing.
This is real.
You, are real.
And this? This is reality.
& If that isn't something to smile about -
then I don't know what is.
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                      

                                         ­                                                                 ­                                          You are so lucky to exist.

this little green monster,
of envy
and jealousy,
festering inside me -
is slowly growing,
to try and
consume
my whole body.

With every molecule
of my being
I try to lock it away,
never to be heard from again.

But he is strong.
He is fighting.
And he soon will win.
                                                                                                                                         I don't know how much longer
                                                                                                                                                         I can battle with him.

I smoke out the pain
and forget about how much it hurts.
let me laugh at nothing
to replace it just the same.

I'll sleep away the sorrow
instead of going out.
then at least I can dream
that I will see you tomorrow.

Starve myself away the urge to text you
so my mind is focused on weight.
maybe if I'm thin
you'll love me too.

I will never be able to hear your name
and not have my heart skip a beat.

The right side of my bed
will always remind me of you.