She picks and plays on my guitar,
While I lay.
Here in this room where we share intamacy, laughter, and many of these moments that make my heart warm again.
I was looking for a lover,
You were looking for a friend.
I was seeking abroad,
When you fell into me.
Like a ship I was capsized,
But you were the first to dive in the water.
Diving straight into me.
Deep blue love.

Family first,
Success second,
Futures bright,
Silver linings aligned across the never ending sun set.
In a world where you can not reverse the hands of time to a memory much more valuable than living  every day differently.
Feet planted firmly on the ground,
Fate that lays ahead.
While angels sing a song about the living dead.
And anguish burns brightly in afflicted and tormented hearts.
This is not the ending but only the start.

We don't have much,
But this mess.
Sometimes we clean it up, but by the next day we've unfolded it again.
The destruction of a bitter sweet love  manifestation.
Let's lay in pieces together.

Now I lay myself to sleep,
I pray your mind comes back, my sweet.
As I lay here and dream of you,
My tears start to fall all in a slew.
Down my face the pain it spreads,
Your in my heart, you're in you head.
I know this choice is for the best,
So for now I'll numb this loneliness.
What have we done?

There are monsters.


                         They smile at me every day,

          
                                                ­              They're people.

                                                  
     ­                                And to the heavens that we pray,


                        only hell is to hear us and we are to pay.

I always looked ☝ to you and never said anything to make you feel ☟
I would never intentionally hurt you to make you cry, or make you ☹
It is my job to keep you ☺ always here with me
I will ♥ you for ∞

I was dumb,
I was strung.
I was up then I was hung,
Step on the chair,
say a prayer,
and let go.
A floating spirit, I am from here to there.
It is fair, that suffer comes along,
From the choices I was coerced upon.
I have been reborn into satan's spawn,
And this is a rampage that I am on.
I was spun.

Her name is Crystal,
A mystical Dame.
Walking with her has never been a shame.
She beckons to me and I run to her.
Leaving my nights in a deceiving blur.
The days run together and my life passes me by.
While I sit here and think to myself is she really the reason why?
Never to leave, yet never to hope, she is always here when I'm inhaling her down my throat.
Past my tonsils and into my lungs she has intoxicated me, and I am strung.
I've never felt such hopeless-ness, but when your flying with crystal you'll never have to feel again.
When shes gone, my absent feelings that once were submerged, begin to emerge and and surge through my veins.
Making me lose my mind again.
And then there is Crystal.
I will never have to hurt again.

Ever since I was a girl.
I knew what it felt like to do good, to be genuinely good. In return, I humbled myself at seeing the glistening faces of glee looking at me.
But in the reflection of their pearlesent whites, I had gazed upon my smile an mixture of dispear.
Counciously conversating with myself what I did that day. Critizing what I could have done better.
Everyday is like this for me, there will be no end. Hand in hand we walk, my sickness,
my friend.

Take my breath away,
With every gasp of air.
It's not a containable feeling,
Not one I can bare.
So serenade me in your sweet love affair.
Beautiful serendipity.

Movement,
The way your body sways in its own rythmatic unison, hypnotising me.
Beautiful, porcelain poison.
You gaze with allurmemt in each pupil, pulling me in.
I am taken away by your bewilderment ways.
I am falling in love with you day by day.
Sweet porcelin love.

Draining my stresses, my problems down this whiskey bottle, grabbed my car keys, headed down main street, my foot laid on the throttle.
Not thinking of the consequences, not caring for another tomorrow.
How could anyone ever love or miss, a ******* like me.
Bottle in my hand, foot on the throttle, **** it, I'm done!!
Maybe you will apprrciate me when I'm gone.
**** it.

Ever just lay awake in bed?
Tossing and turning to the thoughts that correlate in your own head?
Eating and melting the memories you left behind, trying to U
                                 N
                                     W
                                          I
                                              N
                                                   D
                                                         ..
trying to escape from this beautiful mind.
Maybe you're better off dead..
Or maybe thoughts are better left un-said..

Sometimes I hold the gun to my head, loaded and cocked. Safety off and my finger on the trigger. Hoping for the courage,  maybe something bigger.
PULL IT! PULL IT!
I repeat in my head.
Maybe sometimes all we need is just a little lead.

Anger it’s pulling the strings,
Makes me do and say these things,
I promise I don’t mean it,
If my tongue would let me hold back,
It would.
But the urge inside me, the rage it boils and toils within’ me.
I am the captive and captain to these angry puppet strings.
And every last thread defines me.
This anger puppeteer.

Laying here,
In my bed, while visions of you flow like liquid through my head.
I caress my skin, like I imagine you would do,
but how could someone ever love me like you?
I feel the hurt in my gut begin to form,
Bubbling and oozing inside of me like a storm.
When it subsides, I hope I'm no longer.
No longer than a mere' regret.
I hope you get what you get.
Laying here in my bed, holding this razor in my hand,
Here I go.. Into velvet oblivion.
The last poem of a hopeless lover.

I break and deteriorate everything I love,
Once a beautiful flower, now a withering wilted rotted carcass of petals that lay.
It breaks me inside, piece by piece, I can't fix this. The demons in me.

Nothing makes sense, This blunder I'm in.
I'm ******* drunk and it's almost 5 a.m.
You think it's easy to be ******* me?
They call me their rock, but no rock is what I see.
Piece by ******* piece I give myself to every last one of you! But what do you do?
Keep me imprisoned, un-freed.
All of you just ask for more..
This has been to much for me.
I have taken on, too much to handle..
I've lost myself.. I've ******* lost myself.
Why light a torch when you're just a burning candle?

She is fire.
Burning delight.
She is every thought.
Running through my mind at night.

She is beautiful,
Even with the etches she carved in her skin, all a reminder of whom to not let in.
She is so much more than she knows.
And I'm going to be the one to show her just that.
Be prepared for greatness my love.
Hold on tight.

I don't see the resemblemce,
to this person in the mirror.
Who plays and arrays all of my thoughts,
the voice ringing through my ears.
I don't recognize myself anymore,
I don't think I want to..
I'm in fear.
Not of who is near,
but who is it? This person.
Inside of here?
Lonely and knocking on your back door.

My last cigarette,
Burned to the stub.
A roar of panic,
Settling in.
Like waves they crash against my strong-will to disdain and discomfort me.
How unsettling.
Withdrawals are the worst.
Must make love to the addiction.
One.
Last.
Time.

There is just some places you won't fit in,
Some people you just can't win.
There's just some people.