I told myself a day from tomorrow,
that I'd stop this pity and get along with sorrow.
It sickens me and leaves me here,
UN-guarded and filled with a craving like none before..
the needle it sinks in my skin as I slowly am embodied into clay,
morphing into the different sounds and feelings that illuminated the bare room.
Staring into my own face,
looking at the face of death with no regret.
I walk on day by day revealing this unnatural smile of mine for all to glance upon.
Put out of sight,
out of mind,
I can't find myself.
In the sympathy of thought that nestles the moon,
I am hiding here because of what I will be soon.
The next drug addict or ******.
H E L P ?
G O D ?
A N Y O N E?
No one is there.
Thy creator left me in a dark place,
where my mind could never set free,
could never escape.
This is my destiny,
my fate.
Hurry! Don't anticipate before your timing is too late.
Somebody call the mortician,
somebody get him here fast,
because soon enough nothing will last.
Just the foggy memories of my decimated path,
It lay tangled at your feet,
I'm your aftermath.
The anarchist ******.

Prostitution is a sin,
so follow me and fit right in.
take my hand and let me lead you,
into the place that wants to feed you,
feed you lies with vile taste.
She swallow's them all with hope of truth,
they trickle down her throat with belief.
For years she had known the touch of old lonely men,
it filled her with grief.
She was scared of what would happen, so she kept the ***** secrets in.
She was UN-pure.
She has no family, let alone no friends,
shes destruction at it's finest.
So turn on your red illuminating light and take a stroll into the night,
to reminisce about the ***** you used to know.
*******.

This is a bitter hallucination.
A group of love longers and constellations,
that fill and **** my heart.
If it was only I could touch the sky,
feel the wind as I start to fly,
higher and higher,
I dare to go.
Just to descend graciously to the ground and show that I'm no stranger to the lengths that I go.
Have mercy on me,
on my tantalized heart..
you were just a fixation, a hallucination.
You had me by every word,
every curve of you swaying,
as if the motion was made by angels.
if love is a noose then I am the hangman,
hanging there effortlessly,
with life no longer ripe upon my cheek.
Only the angelic voice of my hearts true beholder with held the mellifluous tone of my broken days.
I grimace at the thoughts that lead me to believing in your leechy ways.
The grotesque touch of your filthy ****** hands on mine making me cringe and imbue nothing but the shame of falling in love with a hallucination.
A bitter-sweet,
traumatizing,
hallucination.

Soft is the tone of your mellow heartbeat,
electric is the feeling when our lips meet.
manipulating are your illuminating eyes stripping me of all my control and will power.
Seductive you are, this time, this hour.
The silent ballet of your moans play through my ears like a first string quartet,
I can't fight it,.. the thoughts in my head,..
this is what resulted me in your bed.
You have toyed with me for the last time.
I'm letting it all out,
I'm trying to unwind.
Both bodies adrenaline beating in unison,
both bodies still in motion with the wants, the need of a ****.
To feel close again,..
But after.. I'm A
                              L
                               ­     O
                                              N
                                                                ­      E... AGAIN
The lust you portray is no greater than your desire,
The power I feel of your red lustful fire.
I know I feel you, I can feel your warmth.
I know your here, so please don't torment.
My small,
innocent,
heart.
You lay your body across mine,
both of us vulnerable,
skin to skin.
this is it..
****** me.
Your hands, I can feel them,
Your chest also heaving against mine,
back and forth we commit the lustful and desirable sin.
I've had my fulfillment,
my satisfaction.
I've been seduced by your bewildering attraction.
Now it's my turn to make you feel alive.

My name is addiction I'm the frenzy you feed,
my name is addiction and you begin to read.
You need me, you want me, you won't doubt me.
My name is addiction and you are my victim.
My name is trouble I come when your alone,
I'm the one that brings addiction home.
My name is pain, I know you well,
you think your in purgatory, No,.. your in hell.
I'm sorry for this, this haze, this bliss.
I can't remember the last time I was sober.
Then again I can't remember the last time I was dead..
I'm on fire, burning with blue passion.
My name is love and I caused you pain,
I brought you addiction and trouble again.
I can't continue.. continue falling..
  F
      A
             L
                     L
             I
       N
G
.
.
F
        A
                 L
                         L
                 I
          N
G
.
.
D

O

W

N
.
.
THE RABBIT HOLE.
Where is the smile you smiled ever so easily?
Where is the meaning you inject inside of me?
Where is the comfort that you fill with my lungs?
All gone, all that remains is sober thoughts.
My name is Tonya.

Tears fall like black silhouettes,
hearts call with the nerve to forget.
Love in idleness, must it be true?
I fell in this deep but ardent love with you.
Day by day I seek your call,
I seek for you but I find nothing at all.
Drowning I am in water a million miles deep,
drowning I am, right below your feet.
I write to forget you, I write to forget.
I hate to remember you. I just can't ever regret.
What we had, the things we've said...
Tossing and turning I miss your touch,
remembering you is making me ache so much.
I tried to forget your touch, I tried to forget.
But you being my informal number-one really shook me.
Leaving my heart broken in despair.
I was      S     C     A     T     T     E     R     E     D.
Under any circumstances did I ever really matter to you.
Never will I cease believing on behalf of the silhouettes in the monotonous evening.
The deceiving silhouettes in the evening.

Run red scarlet, run far from it.
Go a distance wise and far,
get out of here,
Save who you are.
Burst into the abyss of the black burning nightfall.
Delirious I am with the stars leading my scarlet into the mystery of the dark relentlessness dusk.
Soon she will remorse with self-indulgence to erase the pain that I have caused so greatly.
Her exterior is clear,
a disguise. 
             No more S                             S.
                                        M                   E              
                             I        L
              No more knowing the warmth of attention.                        
Her interior is hollow,
Within her nothing lies.
There is no room for second- thought,
no memory.
Soon I will have forgot.
My hands and mind begin to numb,
undergoing the extremely earnest burning pleasure of hope,
I know this feeling.
In my gut It's just another effort, I am just another endeavor.
Every sensation,
   just a tingle to my skin,
the chills swarm down my spine as I quiver again.
Plush and soft are your lips against mine,
sick and remorseful is your leave,
please flee my scarlet,
run away from me.
Run red scarlet.