the day you leave is the day ill throw away my chapstick
my tears will become a moisturizer for lost hope
and each time a tiny crack appears i'll wish you would make it better
the day you dont pull me into you when you kiss me is when ill throw away my lotion
i would hope that our combined moisture will drench the inside of my thighs just fine
there is no backup plan or rebound
i've never been one to run with one ball
or to chase someone with something i so desperately want
how will i explain to my children why my favorite number is thirteen?
its almost as if im waiting for heartbreak
it seems inevitable with a brain like mine
so full of "what if" and "you know whats weird?"
without you all i have to look forward to is highschool teenagers finding the pattern of my sad in all of my writings

it is easy to question you when you say it
"i love you" slips from your lips like a script you've practiced a while now
i refuse to believe you're in love with me
good things happen to good people
i am not good
i am a mess

nevermind your PDA
nevermind your constant reminders
you cant love me
i am me
and you are you
way too great to downgrade
loyal, yes
but i am a mess
not a mess you can fix with a comb and water
a mess that sits in a leather chair spilling stupid truth for the benefit of my future

when the juice is gone
theres nothing to enjoy
but the plain
the usual
theres no rocky
there is flavor

the brightness turns dark
without so much as a warning
like eating cotton candy
and drinking warm water
after each portion

trying to drown yourself
in icecold water
becomes a disaster
when you just suffer
from hypothermia
my lips turned purple
before my heart did  
but no one cares either way

theres a spot on the sun
i refer to it as a birthmark
its been there as long as i remember
no one else can see it
and when they say they do
they cant describe it how it is
they must think im crazy
and sympathize enough to lie

how can you see darkness
in something so bright?
is that a question
or are you telling me that im seeing darkness?
i never said it was dark

you get caught crying once
and gain a reputation of depression
thats none of your business anyway
your hug is so weak
you dont understand
stop saying you know how i feel

im not a charity case, you dont empathize
you dont "know how I feel"
i never said i was depressed
theres just a spot on the sun
you dont always
have to see to believe

grey skies seem black these days
my trashcan is full of wasted trees.

i feel as if we've carved our names
into the great oak 5 years ago
ive only known you a while now

the darkness reminds me of you  
you're the 4am darkness
staring into nothingness
listening to faint sounds
it wont stop
it just slows down sometimes

your kisses can cure cancer
or depression-
long enough to feel normal again

i wonder if you taste
everything im afraid to say
in my tounge
i wonder if one day ill catch you
slipping out of bed before sunrise
trying to get home to your family

i wonder if my moms wine collection
will become my whiskey bar
for nights when your kid is sick
or nights when you ignore my calls
because you're having
stationary *** with your wife