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Clarkia Sep 2021
Now you're another guy who can't have me
Sitting there with all your red flags in the bin
Never seeing clearly or understanding
The opportunity you had been given
Now my heart is closed to you like the others
Regardless that you're some mythical soul's twin
Now you're just some ****** quite obtuse
My tolerance and patience have worn thin
84 · Jun 2021
I give up every day
Clarkia Jun 2021
I give up on you every day.
So today.
I give up.
Again.
I'll never know you.
I won't even try any more.
84 · Jun 2021
Time Taken...
Clarkia Jun 2021
...is not very long.
...is not long, stop asking.
...is not long at all.
...shut up!
...is time well spent.
...is time needed.
...is not coming back.
...will not be returned.
...can not be earned.
...is lost.
...cannot be profitable.
...to do the job right leads to satisfaction.
...to care shows compassion.
...passes in years.
...is remembered.
... is treasured.
...brings smiles.
...renews ones path.
...renews ones soul.
...is precious.
...is meaningful.
...is shared.
...is a happy memory.
...is always close to the heart.
...becomes peace of mind.
...helps you grow.
...teaches you to love again.
...gives you knowledge to decide based upon experience.
...leaves dog hair for years.
...makes scars beautiful.
...won't hurt as much as it heals.
...means you will love again.
...-how much longer?
...makes sleep all the more enjoyable.
...makes lifes quests star-reachingly fabulous!
...makes puzzles quick to beat, but not to quick.
I wrote this one line at a time over many weeks in 2014.
84 · Sep 2021
My love has no value
Clarkia Sep 2021
I didn't even know I was an abuser
I don't deserve to be loved
I wish I would just die
But I guess I'm better off alive
84 · May 2021
You and I
Clarkia May 2021
Are the ones that got away
I got away because I refuse to play The Dating Game
And you got away because when you felt this attraction and I felt it back
You immediately shut it down before it could even start
You immediately denied our potential
And I in turn sabotaged our potential
Both drowning in our own fear
We are the ones that got away
And we will never know it, dear
84 · May 2021
Kiss me, I'm Irish
Clarkia May 2021
And I'll take you last name
Love you without shame
Give me a chance, not again
But for the first time
Ring size 5.5
83 · Apr 2021
Someone elses wife
Clarkia Apr 2021
You provided a dream
The catalyst to my healing
The doorway to my return to peace
So that when I meet someone
Prepared and willing to love me
I'll be prepared and willing to love him too
And for that I thank you
You refuse to be the one
But you got me ready for him
83 · Jul 2021
False twin flame
Clarkia Jul 2021
I'll tell the world you were my false twin flame
Let that entire journey slip away into the past
You know the truth
Don't you
You're still my muse
I still will write
I still will sing
Inspired by you
How could I help it
But it will be
Our secret
I'll never reach out
Again
Clarkia Jun 2021
Stars fall from the sky
Through my pen
And on to the page
For you
82 · Sep 2021
Happy single lives
Clarkia Sep 2021
Enjoy your loneliness
And I will enjoy mine
While we never let the words slip
Of what could have been
From our minds
You dream like me
We are lost in time
I don't know why
You didn't come
You must feel as hollow
As a drum
82 · May 2021
Purposeful Mistake
Clarkia May 2021
I wanted to push you away
Because you are the one for me
And I was more successful
At pushing you away
Than I've ever been at
Pushing anyone away ever
So can I please forget you now
I cant reject an opportunity
And pine for it
Simultaneously
That makes no sense
But I did just that
Or maybe you'll forgive me
And start fresh
But honestly
I don't believe grand gestures
Are ever kind, only cruel
And I'll never have a chance
To be who I truly am
With you
Again
82 · Nov 2021
Manifestation. Works.
Clarkia Nov 2021
Telepathy or not.
You've held me a thousand times.
Placed your hand at the nape of my neck while you kissed me.
Pulled my hair lightly.
After entangled your fingers in it at the back of my head.
You've gently rubbed your nose against mine.
Held me cheek to cheek.
The only thing he didn't do
Was hold a tendril of my hair,
And trace it to the end.
Every sound I heard
Or imagined you'd make
He made
Every sigh
And that strong overpowering passion
And the softest touch I've ever felt
Like his skin is made of the finest silk
The affirmations I've listened to
Night after night
Included asking me if I was OK
Checking in with where I was at
He did them all
My personal thought of well maybe you've  had a vasectomy
Maybe you haven't
Well this guy has
The marriage joke I made with you
Yeah he made a marriage joke with me
Turns out jokes are jokes, did you know that?
I'm so confused
Because the higher self
I get from you
Or imagine
Is everything he is
I'm so confused
I love you
And you're a phantom
And he is right here
Unsure if I was present
Which I was
How could I not notice
Everything about him
That I've manifested
You really don't understand
What you missed
When you let me go
81 · Apr 2021
why I dont cyberstalk
Clarkia Apr 2021
Because the last words you ever said to me meant
Your Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Rokfin, interviews, articles, and images
Are not mine
They are not mine to view
Not mine to watch
Not mine to hear
Not mine to read
They are only mine to let go of
Without looking
Without knowing
And move on
Clarkia Aug 2021
That's been my plan all along
But I took Tuesday off
In case I run to Bishop
To avoid you
Doing a show
Three miles from my house
On a route I drive daily
But if I stay
Come see me
I'll turn your heart and soul
Into a pile of mush *****
You'll be glad you came
My address is public
Just look up my name
If I bolt instead
I will tweet about it
81 · May 2021
Persistent Twin Flame
Clarkia May 2021
What is this love
That you are not
Interested in having me
In your life
That you tell me never contact again
Yet your soul
Holds me every day
Comforts me
I try to deny it
A dream a fantasy
I try to block you out
But you just hold me tighter
I try to be more present
But You show up stronger
You are an apparition of love
That surrounds me
Clarkia Mar 2021
I guess I succeeded in making you feel strongly for me
Because now you hate me
I should have known my love was wrong
The moment I felt love
My intuition is wrong
It gets everything right
Except what it says about us
Reality is wholly opposite of what it's telling me
I hope I never run into you again
Anywhere
Ever
I am sorry for the damage I've caused
But you don't know or care your damage
How can you be the person who healed me the most
And the person who made me feel the most wrong
That I've ever felt in my life
I wish you'd told me not to contact you months ago
I wish I'd never met you
Because now I've found the one
And I understand I've no one
79 · Jul 2021
Unconditional
Clarkia Jul 2021
I'll never reject you
As long as you don't back stab me
Or lie to or about me
Aside from that
I'm always here for you
Always
Clarkia Apr 2021
To those whom I've loved
Who loved me back
But left me
Because you thought I deserved better
I ended up alone
Because to you
Alone is better then the love you
Had to share with me
And to me
This is a tragedy
Not because I am lonely
But because your love was
Worthy of me
77 · Sep 2021
On the days it hurts
Clarkia Sep 2021
Most days I'm fine now
I don't look to see if you unblocked me
I don't watch your media
Haven't for a long time
I don't reread the email
Where you threatened me
Over and over
Trying to not want you
I blocked anyone who is mutual
That judges me
For admitting I have a twin flame
I accept it is what it is
Whether you believe or not
Whether you care or not
But on the days it hurts
I still can't shake
I cant stop the love
Though believe me
I try to forget
I try to erase
I have moved on
I have given up
And then someone posts
Something you've posted
You can't wait to meet them
But you'd never meet me
Because you deem me unworthy
When I'm actually more worthy
Than anyone else
And so I pick up the pieces
Of my rejected heart
All I wish
On the days I still miss you
Is that I didn't
77 · Jun 2021
Wifey
Clarkia Jun 2021
Forget what I see in you
What do I see in me
Someone who refuses to commit
Because it always ends
In tragic heartbreak
Someone completely worthy
Of a dedicated two way love
That can't find it
And wants to give up trying
Wants to let love go
And never bother with it again
A sensitive heart made for someone
Who has the strength to put the effort in
Without throwing in the towel
On the work it takes
To make a relationship work
To turn to her for support and companionship
With an open heart and mind
And to keep themselves
Their independence
A woman who wants a man who won't lose himself
Relying on her for his happiness
Because we all create our own happiness
And I create mine alone
Clarkia May 2021
Mondays are the worst
That's when I want you the most
That's when I cant shake the feeling
You miss me too
75 · Jul 2021
Okay
Clarkia Jul 2021
I accept that you hate me
I won't try to make amends anymore
Go ahead and hate me
Until the end of time
I guess from your perspective
I deserve it
74 · Sep 2021
Twin Soul
Clarkia Sep 2021
I know you love me
I'll never wait for you
I wait for no one
I'll be all that you are
Whether you are near
Or far
I hold your heart
You hold my heart
Farewell
72 · Apr 2021
What is love
Clarkia Apr 2021
Showering me with attention
Interacting every day
And the moment I took notice of you
You were over me
And you went away
Stifled before the start
Twisted our callous hearts
I only want you
I'd rather be alone
Then wait for nothing
On my phone
Clarkia Apr 2021
I miss the potential we have.
I miss how you shine in the world
LIke a beam of light through a storm.
My eyes turn gold
When I'm thinking of you.
Sunsets display more colors,
And my love does too.
Like I told you
These feelings are never going away.
And I wouldn't want them to.
70 · Apr 2021
Twin Flames
Clarkia Apr 2021
I awoke to my twin
Wish I'd sleep again
Mirrors that trigger
And shatter
And tatter
The silk and the lace
Strung up in place
Of our egos trace
Meant to displace
The darkness we
Refuse to embrace
70 · Jul 2021
Victimization
Clarkia Jul 2021
What do you get
Out of victimizing yourself
Out of pretending I
Am some grand villian
You should fear
And that poses you threat
When the only real threat
Were your walls coming down
And being loved
I am not capable
Of the visions of demise
You've written me into
The perils you imagine
I will bring to you
I am only capable
Of arguing with you
Hugging you
Holding you
Loving you
And running from you
I am only capable
Of trying to talk things through
Trying to work things out
I am not capable
Of your dramas
69 · Jun 2021
When I come to Hawaii
Clarkia Jun 2021
In late December
That is when I will contact you again
To let you know where I'll be
So if you are still in Hawaii
And you are still single
By that time
Come see me
The worse that could happen
Is you spend some time
With a pretty girl
Likely just surfing
And if you aren't interested
We go our separate ways again
Take a chance on me
If you haven't called
Or zoomed
Or some other form of communication
By then
I still remember you from the festival. I remember you from Harlows. I am not going to reject you.
67 · Sep 2021
Shhhh.
Clarkia Sep 2021
So much today.
Signs and synchronicities.
I didn't notice them at first.
They were just the
Everyday occurrences.
But then as I got closer to you,
I realized my anxiety
Had decreased.
As each mile passed
I felt at peace.
Then I had to turn
And from you go east.
Again the rise in anxiety.
Still the sensation,
Even though we are not visiting,
My soul has come home to me.
Our soul or frequency
In the same place or
The same vicinity.
I know I always feel whole:
But I feel even more whole...
Like we are complete
Near each other.
I don't even have to see you
To have this peace.
So what would happen
If we were together?
What would that feel like
If this feels so good?
I still can't believe
I knew your car was
teal/turquoise!
How did I know that?
I hope you feel all this too...
Have a good show
Twin flame.
65 · Aug 2021
Gaslighting
Clarkia Aug 2021
"If I call you manipulative does that make you manipulative"
"Why haven't you answered me today are you safe"
"Can we be friends"
I don't know you
I don't want to know you
Any of you
You're all a joke to me
Just when I feel strong
Just when I don't want G
They come in droves
And I want what I cant have
Because it doesn't want me
Keeps its games to itself
Doesn't say stupid things
Usually
Well doesn't say anything at all
Its a ghost
But the rest of you
Thank God I work with men
So I don't become
Completely jaded
By the idiocy of the droves
No, calling me manipulative
Doesnt make me manipulate you
Calling me beautiful
Doesn't turn me on to you
Asking for daily interactions
Doesn't attach me to strangers
Call me disorganized
Call me avoidant
Call me anxious if you are G
Call me secure
Call me annoyed
To have met you
52 · Sep 2
Hello
Clarkia Sep 2
What a wild world
Shall we seek peace
Or justice

— The End —