Forget what I see in you
What do I see in me
Someone who refuses to commit
Because it always ends
In tragic heartbreak
Someone completely worthy
Of a dedicated two way love
That can't find it
And wants to give up trying
Wants to let love go
And never bother with it again
A sensitive heart made for someone
Who has the strength to put the effort in
Without throwing in the towel
On the work it takes
To make a relationship work
To turn to her for support and companionship
With an open heart and mind
And to keep themselves
Their independence
A woman who wants a man who won't lose himself
Relying on her for his happiness
Because we all create our own happiness
And I create mine alone

The sun rises on me
Whether I'm at the sea
Or somewhere else
Where I feel free
Just let me be

Telepathy or not.
You've held me a thousand times.
Placed your hand at the nape of my neck while you kissed me.
Pulled my hair lightly.
After entangled your fingers in it at the back of my head.
You've gently rubbed your nose against mine.
Held me cheek to cheek.
The only thing he didn't do
Was hold a tendril of my hair,
And trace it to the end.
Every sound I heard
Or imagined you'd make
He made
Every sigh
And that strong overpowering passion
And the softest touch I've ever felt
Like his skin is made of the finest silk
The affirmations I've listened to
Night after night
Included asking me if I was OK
Checking in with where I was at
He did them all
My personal thought of well maybe you've  had a vasectomy
Maybe you haven't
Well this guy has
The marriage joke I made with you
Yeah he made a marriage joke with me
Turns out jokes are jokes, did you know that?
I'm so confused
Because the higher self
I get from you
Or imagine
Is everything he is
I'm so confused
I love you
And you're a phantom
And he is right here
Unsure if I was present
Which I was
How could I not notice
Everything about him
That I've manifested
You really don't understand
What you missed
When you let me go

Mondays are the worst
That's when I want you the most
That's when I cant shake the feeling
You miss me too

I'll tell the world you were my false twin flame
Let that entire journey slip away into the past
You know the truth
Don't you
You're still my muse
I still will write
I still will sing
Inspired by you
How could I help it
But it will be
Our secret
I'll never reach out
Again

Now that I have finally accepted
You are the one that got away
And I am ready
To find someone new
I just wish
I could still see you
As a beautiful human
As a light onto the world
But I don't
I guess now
I see you how you see me
Irredeemable

I'm tired of not just sitting
Engaging in constant distraction
So that I won't feel you
I long to sit still
Peaceful in silence
In nature watching leaves blow
In the wind
But when I do
You show up again
Your energy
Your soul
My soul
Or the vibration of them
Matching
Resonating
Much to my dismay
When I said I didn't want
To be alone anymore
This isn't quite what I meant

Stop running
Aka pulling my chakras
I'm not chasing you
I will talk about
Or to whomever
I **** well please
You're a twin flame too
You have a right
To your privacy
I won't tell them your name
I can't even feel where you are now
Just leave me alone tonight

I'll never reject you
As long as you don't back stab me
Or lie to or about me
Aside from that
I'm always here for you
Always

That's been my plan all along
But I took Tuesday off
In case I run to Bishop
To avoid you
Doing a show
Three miles from my house
On a route I drive daily
But if I stay
Come see me
I'll turn your heart and soul
Into a pile of mush *****
You'll be glad you came
My address is public
Just look up my name
If I bolt instead
I will tweet about it

What is this love
That you are not
Interested in having me
In your life
That you tell me never contact again
Yet your soul
Holds me every day
Comforts me
I try to deny it
A dream a fantasy
I try to block you out
But you just hold me tighter
I try to be more present
But You show up stronger
You are an apparition of love
That surrounds me

Showering me with attention
Interacting every day
And the moment I took notice of you
You were over me
And you went away
Stifled before the start
Twisted our callous hearts
I only want you
I'd rather be alone
Then wait for nothing
On my phone

If I could meet you where you are
I'd be there
But I can't
Because I have to meet me where I am

I know you love me
I'll never wait for you
I wait for no one
I'll be all that you are
Whether you are near
Or far
I hold your heart
You hold my heart
Farewell

I accept that you hate me
I won't try to make amends anymore
Go ahead and hate me
Until the end of time
I guess from your perspective
I deserve it

Now you're another guy who can't have me
Sitting there with all your red flags in the bin
Never seeing clearly or understanding
The opportunity you had been given
Now my heart is closed to you like the others
Regardless that you're some mythical soul's twin
Now you're just some ****** quite obtuse
My tolerance and patience have worn thin

Just because
You are still my muse
Just because
My heart soul and intuition
Still wronglyfuly choose you
Doesnt mean
You get any more time
Than what is needed
To express myself
Through my arts
And certainly doesn't
Warrent your false beliefs
That I stalk you
When I don't
Have you ever been stalked?
Because I have
And writing poems
Without using your name
Anonymously
On some site somewhere
Singing songs
On my instagram
Writing tweets
About my journey
All with you unnamed
To express my
Unrequited love through art
Doesnt fit the bill
Of a stalker
Honey

Why have you captured my heart
To not want it
And how did you do it
When most fail
I'll do better
Please reciprocate
You never gave me a chance
Before I entered your sphere of hate
Is my bad side really that bad
Comparably
No, it isn't.
But you were never here to be gone
So I'll just be me doing me
A queen

I spent a long time
Seeing your goodness
I spent a long time
Blinded by your soul
But your ego
Is stronger
Meaner
Crueler
Excuseless
Judgemental
Blameful
Point the finger at me this lifetime
I hope to never see you again
The love I feel is magical
The hate you embody is avoidable
Stand in your dark corners
In your dark rooms
In your bitterness
Slam doors
Block accounts
Spew b.s. threats
And still
I go on shining
Brighter
Because I
Am worthy
Lovable
Magical
Sparkly
The one you'll never know
Got away

I awoke to my twin
Wish I'd sleep again
Mirrors that trigger
And shatter
And tatter
The silk and the lace
Strung up in place
Of our egos trace
Meant to displace
The darkness we
Refuse to embrace

So much today.
Signs and synchronicities.
I didn't notice them at first.
They were just the
Everyday occurrences.
But then as I got closer to you,
I realized my anxiety
Had decreased.
As each mile passed
I felt at peace.
Then I had to turn
And from you go east.
Again the rise in anxiety.
Still the sensation,
Even though we are not visiting,
My soul has come home to me.
Our soul or frequency
In the same place or
The same vicinity.
I know I always feel whole:
But I feel even more whole...
Like we are complete
Near each other.
I don't even have to see you
To have this peace.
So what would happen
If we were together?
What would that feel like
If this feels so good?
I still can't believe
I knew your car was
teal/turquoise!
How did I know that?
I hope you feel all this too...
Have a good show
Twin flame.

What do you get
Out of victimizing yourself
Out of pretending I
Am some grand villian
You should fear
And that poses you threat
When the only real threat
Were your walls coming down
And being loved
I am not capable
Of the visions of demise
You've written me into
The perils you imagine
I will bring to you
I am only capable
Of arguing with you
Hugging you
Holding you
Loving you
And running from you
I am only capable
Of trying to talk things through
Trying to work things out
I am not capable
Of your dramas

In late December
That is when I will contact you again
To let you know where I'll be
So if you are still in Hawaii
And you are still single
By that time
Come see me
The worse that could happen
Is you spend some time
With a pretty girl
Likely just surfing
And if you aren't interested
We go our separate ways again
Take a chance on me
If you haven't called
Or zoomed
Or some other form of communication
By then

Most days I'm fine now
I don't look to see if you unblocked me
I don't watch your media
Haven't for a long time
I don't reread the email
Where you threatened me
Over and over
Trying to not want you
I blocked anyone who is mutual
That judges me
For admitting I have a twin flame
I accept it is what it is
Whether you believe or not
Whether you care or not
But on the days it hurts
I still can't shake
I cant stop the love
Though believe me
I try to forget
I try to erase
I have moved on
I have given up
And then someone posts
Something you've posted
You can't wait to meet them
But you'd never meet me
Because you deem me unworthy
When I'm actually more worthy
Than anyone else
And so I pick up the pieces
Of my rejected heart
All I wish
On the days I still miss you
Is that I didn't

Enjoy your loneliness
And I will enjoy mine
While we never let the words slip
Of what could have been
From our minds
You dream like me
We are lost in time
I don't know why
You didn't come
You must feel as hollow
As a drum

Past the curtains of my guilt and shame
Past the shooting starlight of the twin flame
Past your higher self in all its good
Stands the physical you
Cruelty embodied in every word
You actually said to me

You're just someone in the past now
All the inspiration you brang
Has slipped away down the drain
Not a drop of love left in me for you
Not a moment of time left to do
Anything to change and make things right
Just a memory slipping out of my night
Looking back but forgetting what drew me in
Only seeing toxicity, you were never my friend
My heart closed off once again
No sense of home, no sense of kin
Just me in my glory day after day
On my stage alone to shine and to gain

I miss the potential we have.
I miss how you shine in the world
LIke a beam of light through a storm.
My eyes turn gold
When I'm thinking of you.
Sunsets display more colors,
And my love does too.
Like I told you
These feelings are never going away.
And I wouldn't want them to.

To those whom I've loved
Who loved me back
But left me
Because you thought I deserved better
I ended up alone
Because to you
Alone is better then the love you
Had to share with me
And to me
This is a tragedy
Not because I am lonely
But because your love was
Worthy of me

"If I call you manipulative does that make you manipulative"
"Why haven't you answered me today are you safe"
"Can we be friends"
I don't know you
I don't want to know you
Any of you
You're all a joke to me
Just when I feel strong
Just when I don't want G
They come in droves
And I want what I cant have
Because it doesn't want me
Keeps its games to itself
Doesn't say stupid things
Usually
Well doesn't say anything at all
Its a ghost
But the rest of you
Thank God I work with men
So I don't become
Completely jaded
By the idiocy of the droves
No, calling me manipulative
Doesnt make me manipulate you
Calling me beautiful
Doesn't turn me on to you
Asking for daily interactions
Doesn't attach me to strangers
Call me disorganized
Call me avoidant
Call me anxious if you are G
Call me secure
Call me annoyed
To have met you