I don't want to give it to him
I don't want the four of them to keep talking to me
Because they are not you
I'm not going to meet people anymore
Because they are not you
But I'm not waiting for you
I'm just not interested in anyone else
Except you
And myself

like Walt Disney
You and I know each others bad sides
Let's get to know each others good sides
Just kidding I know
It'll never happen
You're too scared
And I'm too intimidating for everyone
Or maybe
I'm just not manipulatable enough
All I know is
*** the dream
I'm never getting married
I was married once
And like I said
Before I was widowed
I'll only marry once
I'm done with all 8 billion of you

I try to hate you
But I love you
I try to tell myself
You're not my twin flame
But you visit me
In the 5D
Albeit less frequently
I try to move on
But your pull is strong
Even though you don't want me
I try to forget
Let go of regret
Still you haunt me
Like your soul is mine
Energetically entwined
Chakra blending
But what do you feel
I bet nothing
For you no strings

In public
You hung on my every word
You looked for me
You couldn't wait to read what I said
In private
You ignored me
You showed me the darkness that lurks
Around your head
You should have paid me
If my material was so worth sharing
With everyone but yourself
Open communication
That's all I really wanted from you
I was reactionary
To a confusing message from you
I'm important to you when a crowd is around
Somehow I feel used
I'd offer you a clean slate
Set your boundaries with me
And I'll set mine
Let's start again
But I know that day is not coming
You never intended for me
To love you
In the end

Because the last words you ever said to me meant
Your Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Rokfin, interviews, articles, and images
Are not mine
They are not mine to view
Not mine to watch
Not mine to hear
Not mine to read
They are only mine to let go of
Without looking
Without knowing
And move on

It took me four months of spending hours with you four to five days a week to notice you
To love you
But with all these random men
Falling in love with me at first sight
Saying things to me
Not what I said to you but
I keep thinking the way I feel about their words
Was the way you felt about my words
They don't know me they just want to control me
They just want to fill some hole in their lives with a pretty face
Did you think my love for you so shallow
So hollow
As this
Did I bring you the emotions
They bring me
Unseen possession to be won
That's not what you are
That's not how I see you
But I guess it doesn't matter
Because you're not interested
And I am without your mind, body, and attention
And tied to your soul, Chakra bound
Forever
Come to me, open up to me
Is a futile request
I'll never stop hoping for
While I lean against the bolted shut door

You provided a dream
The catalyst to my healing
The doorway to my return to peace
So that when I meet someone
Prepared and willing to love me
I'll be prepared and willing to love him too
And for that I thank you
You refuse to be the one
But you got me ready for him