All alone
Thousand tear soaked pillow casing
One sided perfectly made up bed
Alarm clock still set for 4:30 am
Clothes set out for church on Sunday
Phone in hand waiting for a call
To hear the words
"Honey I'm just leaving work can you start dinner?"
But she will never hear those words
"Honey I'm home"
As keys drop onto marble counter tops
Boots tracking mud
From the puddle outside
Due to the harsh storm
She lost her love
He was a veteran
Two purple hearts
A medal of honor
Three times he went to war
For a country that gave him nothing
He still had to work
Medical bills from his daughter
Diagnosed with cancer
Given three years to live
How much suffering does she have to endure
Before she drowns in her tears
And chokes on her sorrow weeps
Of constant coffin nailed grief
He lost his life
In the most profound way
He was robbing a bank
He couldn't get the cash
The money needed for his daughter's treatment
Yet when bullets created craters
Deep into his chest
And "Fire!" stopped echoing
This widow knew
She lost everything in her life
The bottles of whiskey
The overdosing medicine
The knife to wrist
The gun to her head
Still she couldn't find enough strength
To take another swig
To take another pill
To push a little harder
To squeeze the trigger
Emotionally drained
Taking its toll physically
Aged all to much
For her 29 year old frame
Dressed in black
Waiting for it to be her turn
For the coroner to nail the coffin shut
For the preacher to say
"We lay her down to rest after enduring such traumatic events."
A widow's tale is all but familiar
Yet the tragic events unfold
All too quickly
They seem all too alien

amazinghowonewordcanmakemesway

Go on and give me the cold shoulder
It fits your icy personality
Don’t bring your pompous nose out of the air
To look at the people below you
You’re better than that now
A little insignia on your clothing
Has you forgetting who your friends were
When you needed them most
Well next time you need a friend
You can turn to that insignia
Because I am a stubborn child at heart
Who holds on to everything

I cling to the day we met
A couple of anxious teenagers preparing to step into adulthood
Watching movies past midnight
Downing an entire six pack of pineapple juice
Not sure where the next year would take us

I remember the day I learned to trust you
In silent desperation I opened up to you
And showed you the fringed edges of my soul
The parts of myself that have been bruised by the short life I’ve lived

I can’t forget the day you came to me in tears
And I was there to comfort you
And even then you didn’t know why you were crying
We sat and cried together
Because we realized how cruel people can be

But more then anything I hold on to the way your eyes no longer meet mine
I can’t get over the way you choose to deny my existence
Like I am a lowly creature
And you, with your lofty gaze and your newfound love for yourself have better things to look at

So keep your eyes in the sky, because someday that is where I will be
And you will have to look at the ground, if you want to pretend I don’t exist anymore.

Make sure
I'm the first person
You drunk text this weekend
She said
He said
You always will be
So  the weekend came
Drinks drank
Thoughts thought
Feelings felt
I'm very drunk,
And drunk texting you,
To let you know,
I miss you
And she said
Dawww
Miss you too
With three w's
Three,
Which of course means
She likes me back

Sometimes late at night when I can't sleep, which is more often than I can, I daydream about princes and flowers, shiny things and comfort. I over complicate things that have simple explanations, and brush off things that need my utmost attention. I think about rain and snow that I never see, and dream about dust blowing at my face and the feeling of concrete sun burning my feet at noon. I think about all the moments of the day I forget about, like walking to class and shading my eyes from the sky, and I remember how beautiful it is. And I wonder why I lay awake in my bed thinking about princes and flowers and shiny things when I have the sun at my back, the grass between my toes and the world at my fingertips.

Churning like the vast expanse of ocean laid at my feet.
All the distance and space of things,
Breaking like the wake inside of me
Like the ache inside of me,
Screaming..
Wait your drowning again
My head spins and my lungs
Burn at every want of breath
At every needing, at my neediness
At surviving day after day
Painfully aware of my slow sinking
Pretending I don’t care, about happiness
At my relentless pleas and prying
Into the gray spot of morality inside of me
Thinking an echo over and over
That I don’t miss my sense of belonging
Longing…
And yearning with every water molecule
In my physical body that you would reach out
Or say you want me.
That I could escape this rip tide and
Hide in dry sand, or your hands
Could pull me up and save me,
Lately the waters colder
And I’m older I’m harder, I’m patient,
Impatient…
I’m tougher , I’m jaded. I hate it
I hate me, I hate this
water rushes as I hit my knees..
Today I can't save me
Adrenalin spikes, heart's pounding
today's the day
today… I’m drowning.