Clare

Clare Mar 2014

i scar easily
i have dark marks on my legs
from where i cut myself shaving

i scar easily
i have a constant pit in my stomach
from words said to me five years ago

i scar easily
there are thin lines on my left arm
from when i fell into a bush as a kid

i scar easily
i'm still bruised
from a boy who dropped me in a heartbeat

i scar easily
there's a bump on my head
from hitting my head just a little too ******* the wall

i scar easily
and the tissue is already forming around my heart
from where you've just carelessly cut it

Clare Feb 2014

If You Want Me, Show Me

if you want me,
show me.
kiss me.
tell me.
grab my ******* waist.
talk to all your friends about me,
and kiss my forehead when i'm sad.

if you really want me,
don't play it safe.
we can't just sit at the starting line.
it's not enough to hold my hand in private,
just on friday nights.

if you really ******* want me,
tell me.
kiss me.
show me.
i need you to mean it.

Clare Feb 2014

Untitled #020

i may get drunk
and let other boys take my hand
or kiss me till they're gone

and i have heard
too many drunk "you're beautiful"s
to believe it when you say it

but words and hands
and empty kisses
mean nothing

so i'm sorry
if my saturday antics ever hurt you
but know that you are my sunday morning,
and i would trade a million nights
just to get one more morning with you

Clare Feb 2014

You & Your Big, Dumb Smile

i like you
and your big, dumb smile
and your goofy jokes

i like you
and the way you speak French
in the middle of our conversations
or root against
my favorite football team
just to make me mad

i like you
and that sweatshirt you always wear,
the purple one,
with the logo of the college i grew up near

i like you
and the way your cheeks turn red
every time i talk to you
or someone talks about me

i like you
and that big, dumb smile
on that big, dumb face
when you tell those goofy jokes
because you like me
and my little, quiet voice
with my little, quiet eyes
looking back up at you
telling you to kiss me

Clare Feb 2014

Untitled #019

i just want you to hold me in your arms all the time
and i want to hold your hand until it hurts
because with you i’m safer than i’ve ever been
and the way my head fits on your shoulder
and your hand wraps around mine
makes me feel almost whole again.

Clare Jan 2014

Untitled #018

sometimes
i send you texts
that were meant for someone else
by "accident"
just to see if you'll care

and sometimes
i spend an extra 15 minutes
making sure i look right
so that maybe today
i'll be good enough

but nearly always
you read my texts and ignore them
and you don't notice
that i tried harder
just for you
because you
have already written me off.

Clare Jan 2014

Untitled #017

bruised shins
****** fingernails
and a dull pair of scissors

sunday night
a bottle of *****
and nothing to lose

you make me feel
manic and afraid
but in the best of ways,
i swear you do.

so i chop off my hair
down a few shots
and maybe in the morning
these bruises will heal
into heart-shaped patches
of tender skin
ready for you to love again.