someone once broke my heart,
and it wasnt anyones fault but him,
one time i gave my heart to a boy
and he played with it like a toy.
i am not trying to complain
but really i'm in a lot of pain.
i gave you my heart knowing
that you might not be showing
me and my heart the right way
so really i shouldnt have gave
you the key.
i'm saying that it wasn't just you it was me.
maybe our relationship was as crazy as it seemed,
i convinced myself of so many things,
when really it was only good for a week,
and really it wasn't that strong; more meek.
we were both loud outrageous people,
and that living room couldnt hold both our attidudes.
you stole the laughter out of my eyes,
you stole the music from my ears.
really this wasn't our relationship,
it was yours, you owned it.

Last night I went to a concert,
and just to be crazy, I wore a short skirt.
I also drank a lot, because i know you hate it,
last night I danced past my limit,
I washed the thought of you away
as I swayed, swayed, swayed.
So I let the music take over,
become the beating of my heart,
leaving all regrets behind.
Tonight I went out to dance again,
and I danced until not thought of you remained.
then I came home, yes I was alone,
but it felt good having the bed to my own.
not having to worry to please you all night,
I could just lay down and not have to fight,
how tired I really was,
now I am dreaming, something i haven't done,
in a long long long time.

Sometimes i wonder how it would feel,
just to be a bubble.
A bubble in your bath,
a bubble blown from a stick,
a bubble of gum,
an bubble of little kids under water.
So easy and careless,
not knowing when they will cease,
it could happen to them it could happen to me.
I realize I am a bubble.
sometimes I am a smelly bubble,
sometimes I bring a smile.
sometimes I'm a bubble in a tub,
sometimes I'm the hiccup at the local pub.
And I just think how lucky bubbles are,
they don't ever grow tired.
But my eyelids are heavy,
maybe thats just from the make up i wear.
But my brain is tired,
maybe thats just the thoughts racing around.
Time to rest, time to go,
although,
I never will know, how a bubble feels.

this really isnt a love poem,
Poems of love are never really,
really about any 18 of them.
them boys i used to love,
I loved boys and was so fond of.
of bad something always happened,
it happened weather it was them or me.
me, myself, and i wrote this poem about  one,
one who is not gone,
gone in person, but not from my heart
my heart and I start:
I miss your big hands roaming on my skin.
my skin? I miss your smell.
smell of your breath and sound of your voice
voice soothing over mine.
mine and your warmth could heat the world.
my world was full,
full of, miss.
I miss.

I listened with heart fit to break.
How do you stop thinking,
about something thats been with you
for the past couple of months?
Go from my mind,
Leave from my soul,
You are no longer my ultimate goal.
I absolutely refuse to forget.
But, sometimes I do fret,
the tears come to my eyelids
when I realize what I did
all the wrongs i committed,
But everything just felt... fitted.
People may judge me for what I've done,
but who said it was my choice?
when will they give me the voice?
Once you open your mouth,
and choose certain words to say,
people stop listening,-
views getting distorted,
sometimes I question, if I regret,
but then I remember how you just left.
of how I was standing in the rain,
completely open, and full of pain.
and you dumped-words on me,
and left me still open
you didnt even leave,
a needle and thread so i could start,
to help my self become one full part.

All this candy is making me sick,
Or maybe iys me thinking of the huge ****,
You really are.
Dont go to far,
Tomorrow I'm running your face,
Into the ground; at my own pace.
Your to charming, to sweet smile,
Now just makes me want to bile.
I promise you, I'll be so much bigger,
And you'll be nothing more than a digger,
Digging for love, digging for lust,
And it will all be a bust,
Because you don't dig for love,
You stumble upon it, you find it,
You never let go of it, once you have it.
I hope someday I see you somewhere,
Somewhere like a state fair.
So I can look at you again,
And tell you how great I really am,
Just do you can see,
How much you really meant to me;
I gave, and gave,
I have you my all, and tore down my wall,
Hell, I gave you every last bit,
And you took me down, and stole my virginity!
But, Sam, I realize I hardly know
Anything about you, it was all for show.
I don't even know your favorite color,
But if I had to guess, it'd be multicolor;
"Multi"- for the two face you wear,
Red for the love we shared,
Blue for how far away I want to be from you,
Green for all the memories I have,
Black for all our physical touches,
Yellow for your immaturity you pegged on me,
And purple for how great you think you are.
Oh and I hope you don't care,
I'm going to party and drink,
Until I just can't think!
I'm going to do what I want,
I don't care if you think I'm a ****.
**** my kiss, baby, while you can,
Because tomorrow, I'll be gone.
It was fun for me, while it lasted,
Now, I don't give a blasted,
Thing you do. Talk to you in a year or two,
I'll stop in, with out notice, "how do you do?".
I'm going to listen to my music,
Sam, your right, we just didn't work,
You didn't try more than a dumb baby with a fork.
Please, don't make another excuse,
For why your not around to make amuse,
Stop with the jokes,
Stop with the show.
Good bye,
I hope you live a long life,
With out me.

I lick my lips,
They taste so sweet,
From my Starbucks drink.
I look outside,
The trees seem to hide,
Behind the thick gray rain.
It seems to wash away my pain.
How cliche,
Am I to think
About the heavy rain
Clink, clink,
The gutters are full,
Everything is just so dull.
This Tuesday afternoon,
Is dragging its feet,
Through this,  already long week.

I'm single,
I'm pale.
I'm cold,
and I'm ready.
Summer, Summer,
you make everything more... "yummier"
*** is hotter in summer.
your full of vacations,
your full of adventure.
I feel my age in summer.
Right now its winter,
and I can hardly stand,
this thing called snow,
and this horrible thing that blows.
Dear Wind, do what you do best,
and blow yourself;
and leave me and my hair be!
Summer, Summer,
you make my lips more wet,
than a boy with a *****.
Summer, Summer,
I cant wait for your fruit,
I cant wait for your tan,
I want to swim,
and dry out on the grass.
Summer, Summer,
come quicker.

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
It tastes like I'm ******* on pennies,
It feels like a broken air conditioner.
It views like rain on a windshield,
It sounds like instant love, instant forget.
But how could you just move on?
What did you get from this anyways,
just another to add on your list of cast aways?
I dont know what it all means,
but i can tell you, I don't feel very clean.
I dont know why, when i see you
I'm instantly formed into someone new.
I loved being with you, and finding new things,
but now I am feeling, winter inside when it brings,
cold, and no good for me.
Before the winter, you were the fall,
the fall leaves,
they are are taking back all my memories.
All the times things were good with you,
you wrote me a story and a poem or two.
But then comes the bad forgotten bits,
of how you were when you had little fits.
Not holding my hand, unless you wanted too,
Not kissing my lips, i didn't do my hair.
How come we only touched, if under your command,
but oh, how i miss the touch of your hand.
How i miss talking to you,
the sparks they flew, but only in my head
you didn't see them, you didn't have a clue.
And i just keep thinking, all the things we said.
Well, things that chapped my lips,
they had never been said, until my thoughts eclipsed.
I opened up, and let you in both mentally and physically,
I thought we moved together so fittingly.
Apparently, it was only me,
who saw the good, and ignored the bad,
you said, "I cant do that", and we left so sad.
That night I was up tossing and turning,
the words I should have said were yurning!
How come this wedge was drove between us,
I'm sorry for that and all the fuss.
It wasn't worth ever loosing what we had,
Really this all is driving me quiet mad!
The words unspoken, and gone unnoticed,
I think now I can see your clear motives.
No need to assume here, you always said you cared,
I'll take your word for it, but I shouldn't have shared,
somethings are meant to be mine, and not taken,
but, you helped my heart become reawakened.
But, I'll move out of the way for you,
I'll move out of the way for your dreams too.
However, Gosh, there is no need to run,
this thing we have is so overdone.
Our personalities may clash,
there is no need to act so brash.
Sometimes I wonder, who is the younger?
Because based on our equal hunger;
to learn,
               to feel,
                            to go,
                                        to discover,
we really should put our age undercover.
Maybe I am the child
to think that you wanted me, it seems so wild.
Or maybe you are the child,
you always were a bit more wild.
Dont take this verse in the wrong,
I'm only trying to move forward, and be strong.
Hello? You taught me being young at heart,
would help the mind and Spirit, become like art;
Free, and careless, and no regrets,
thats how I remember "us", don't forget.
You said, that I need to live a couple year, I need to grow,
and learn on my own how to sow,
advance my decisions, beliefs, and ideas-
Get out of the house, run like North Korea.
Thank you a lot helping me through,
all the different times life becomes askew.
Sad to say I still sort of like you,
Sad to say its only me, I'm sorry, I had too!-
Write this poem for, unworthy you.

I have seen death,
and fear.
I have seen new life,
and joy.
I have seen the results,
and abortion.
I have looked death in the face,
and my God was stronger.
I have seen an old life become new,
and a new life ruined.
I have seen marriage,
and divorce.
I have seen runaways,
and old friends.
I have seen many things,
Right and some wrong.
But they shaped who I am,
and today, I will see more.

I'm trying to fit in my bed,
when did i become so giant?
I'm trying to fit in my skin,
when did it become so small?
I'm trying to fit in my life,
when did it become so vast?
I'm trying to fit with you,
since when do you like her?
I'm trying to fit in places not for me.
Its time to dance right out of here,
Its time for me to leave.

the dark of my room,
the dark of your eyes.
both so convincing and so consuming.
both so safe and so relaxing.
i wish the clounds would go away
and leave us here to breathe,
i wish the sun would shin all day,
and leave us here to see
the beauty in this world is all around
in the homeless,
in the hopeless,
in the wealthy,
in the secured.
everything had a touch
and a smell that is familiar to our forgotten memories,
or thoughts locked away in old rusty caves.
they come out to play,
when you ask what i did when i was young.
i am young-
when i'm with you
in your strong arms
when we are lying in your bed,
whe you are stuck in my head.
my head it sounds like a beating drum,
i swear you should hear it
it starts when your around.
around around this emotional merry-go-round
a shot in the dark
the target was you,
you in the dark with me, always leads to something new.
ideas fly through me,
of running away
or maybe just to stay.
who knows what roads we will take to get us there.
there and here,
home is where the heart is,
the heart is where the mind will follow,
my mind on you
and the beauty in the dark
of this fake wonderful world.
goodnight.

i'm running and i'm sick.
i'm rebuilding this house brick by brick.
i'm hopeful, and i'm wrong.
all this building is making me strong.
i hope someday we find our way,
but right now i just want to go away.
i want to forget,
i want to remember.
how sick am i, of you, pretender,
i am not yours,
but you want me for yourself.
i dont want this limbo.
i will watch you leave through the window.
come back when your ready,
we can gaze stars in some cemetery.
but right now i need solid,
constant, real, no "maybes".
just "yes"s and "no"s.
i'm sorry, but i'm starting to slow,
this thing you call your own.
1 is the loneliest number,
2 is a pair,
"we" is a word people use,
but you have to choose:
1 to be alone,
2 to be happy,
but only if you want me,
no insecurity.

drifting, drifting,
in the open shores,
i hope i can get lost
looking out at sea.
My mind is gone, gone,
my body is present
from where i stand
physically stable,
mentally insecure.
Blank pages fluttering
waiting for color and me
paint my life,
with color and light.
wheels turning, turning,
like the Kansas highway
and I'm leaving, leaving,
my past behind.

i am strong in my faith,
i am strong in my personality.
i am strong in my body,
i am weak in my views,
persuade me easily.  
i am weak in my head,
use me easily.
i am alive in my spirit,
i am alive in the summer.
i am alive and breath air,
i am dead to the world,
no one knows me inside and out.
i am dead in the winter,
the cold shuts me in, leaves the cold out.
i am this and i could be that.
i am sleepy at night, and awake in the mornings.
i love the music when i'm happy,
i hear the words when i'm sad.
i want to live,
but i live with ghosts.
i want to grow,
but i grew my height in 6th grade.
i am a worshiper,
i am a curser.
i do what i want,
and usually dont think first.
but, you still don't know
who i am.

the walls,
the walls and rooms becoming
harsh cold rocky caves.
warm living rooms
hopeless and empty.
not time to relax and
sit back. Always a constant
nagging- this is wrong,
redo this, fix this,
your late for curfew,
the opposite of egotistcal,
instead a self conscious.
It comes in, and settles deep
deep within the burrow of
my wandering mind with
legs of its own. I can
never let this go...
constant question in my head.
replay and rewinding flipping
and poking fun at my,
every move.
the walls,
the walls. No longer my
safe comforting room,
instead a musty dark jail.
Holding me captive I stay,
with no choice I stay,
with no choice I come back.
Hope is gone from my
starved ribs. The house is
quiet but I'm awake.
House is equal to a sacred
jail, bad locked on the inside,
and good hidden visibly
on the front lawn.
Nothing is wrong here...
except everything, and nothing
to be said.
The walls,
the walls, suffocating
closing, increasingly closer
i will break out and
when i do, no choice for you,
but to watch. I may get hurt-
i can always try. Strike!
Strike in,
Strike me down,
but don't hear me go.
Its okay for you, but
not for me? I laugh at good, and
grimace at evil, it can chase
and sometimes catch
me, who just wanted to be
Alone. In,
The walls,
The walls, covered in writing
of my words gone,
and unnoticed.

A shadow in the flames
your all i see,
creep up
right behind me.
Shun the fear
go for the gold
my wings are flying
taking me upwards
i can see
all around me
is you.

Although my soul wanders
Although my heart is searching
Although my eyes are unfixed
Although my breathing is heavy
I will stay concentrated.
The goal
The outcome
The final walk
I will stay focused.
The pressure and stress
Build and build.
The trees of fear
Grow and grow.
The doubt of a cloud
Storm and storm.
Yet keep me focused on you.

I told the roses
what you said
when you said you first loved me.
I hope you dont mind,
I told the roses.
I told every snowflake
what you did
when you did that thing called kiss me.
I hope you dont mind
I told the snow flakes.
I told the trees
what we did
when we did it in your bed.
I hope you dont mind
I told the trees.
the walls heard me
when you left
when you left me on the steps.
that time I didn't have to tell,
they heard me crying in my cell.
after awhile, the roses
of my heart, withered away.
soon the snowflakes
they melted to my tears.
the trees
they planted my feet and
they built some walls around me.
the walls they
protect my heart
still to this day.

my dreams take me to places i want to be.
or dont want to be. but i can be me.
there everything is clearer. the air is free and my worries are lifted. i
dont want to come down. but the 'mares come in,
and take me down, but make me stronger.
like in life when the tides come in
and you want to go,
but your stuck like a crab and moving slow.
you get up off your feet
and you make a beat
to the hearts you loved
and the tracks you leave.
leave the basement of your house,
to find a new world
out from under the romote.
the tv is off,
the music is up,
the windows are down,
and the life is strong.
sometimes things knock you down
but the devil cant go to heaven.
you just got to strive
for the goal,
keep living for the dream.
and never stop till you stretch and
reach for that ultimate high.
get the quick fix and more goes than comes.
people die thats why we meet new ones.
to keep us moving from place to place
just trying to find your worth in this world.
in the rain when it pours down into the mind,
feeding the soul and letting it grow.
grow into a flower to show the passion
and love for another. we are all connected
through someone we see or meet or hope to help,
on the side walk we walk and pass
by the people in need with
no shelter except the box that
we once used to ship our expensive gifts in.
now living in that box no food or drink or government help,
and we judge. we judge the people in the street
we judge the people we never meet.
and who gave us that position? to play chess when the game is
hanging on your ribs
just weighing down with so much stress.
and so we confess
the sins we didn't know where there.
we say things we didn't think,
we do things we didn't mean
we don't like our lives the lives that aren't ours
and the beat of the sirens
following me
i grew up in the side alleys and back ways
of my mind.
i brag
about my problems and my achievements are small
but really i just want it all.
to come back to me for the
attention and scenes that i play.
i have no fear or diseases
or grow near to death, because i have already reached it.
the ****** the end,
the story the middle,
and beginning we read
to get us into what we've scene
the imagination it leaps and jumps off buildings
to high to reach.
i'm a kid and i cant see,
whats up there thats so great for me?
always one more thing that we just cant get passed
to see what we
have is right in front of us.
and we don't have to stop.
because we keep the books we read
and the movies we see
in dusty boxes and call it good
good for who? just you?
judging someone different and new,
like the Ku klux **** who never knew
the people the slaughtered
and abused and embarrassed.
the people keep on fighting
and running toward the pain to prove to the point.
that we all have the chance to
strive and glide like skaters on ice,
till we reach the end of the rink...
getting tired of the circles we run
in middle class
upper class
lower class.
***** the class,
who put a label on you?

we hide...
we hide behind earrings and lace
we hide behind our pretty face.
we hide in nature
we hide behind Atomic Bombs.
we hide behind our families,
we hide behind great victories
we hide behind coats,
we hide behind profound uplifting quotes.
we hide behind diamonds and wine.
we hide behind picture perfect books.
we hide behind our steady calm outside,
we hide behind our beating brave hearts.
we hide behind our embarrassing defeats.
we try to hide in corners but dont fit
we hide in darkness.
we hide in big churches with rehearsed songs,
we hide behind shot guns that sometimes fire back.
sometimes we hide from love...
we hide in music,
we hide by running away
we hide from fear and hate,
we hide ourselves in old memories.

You ask me to wait
So I can finally see.
I knew you were always in my fate.
I cant believe I would ever flea,
From you or my feelings,
Which I see now are true.
The others come and go like dealings.
Each day I used to start with a new
Face.
But now all I think is your embrace,
I never have felt your warmth
But some day I dream I will.
Through sickness and in health.

The ground is far away
Standing on this ledge
Up here.
If I jump will you catch me?
If I jump will I fall??
I dive down and take the plunge
The ball now in your hands
Its completely your call.
Do you want to keep...
Or would you rather fall?
fall down with me, and
Forget. Don't look back.

this stuff I pour,
Out of me, into you
Your hand here
It twists the knife
My heart now gone
What is left??
Just this old body
Nothing is but
Brokenness from this
Hopeful self you've left.

I dont want last time,
To be the last time.
Each time i spend with you,
******* comes to mind.
More and more time,
I cant seem to stop.
Its like an old book shop,
Every time is like the first time.
Smells and feels,
Leaves me falling over my heels.
Hearts heal, time heals hearts,
You can take mine just don't tear it apart.