Do you think its true?
The more you open your stiff rib joints,
and the more you expand your cranial sutures,
the more you art?
Anatomy: the study of human art made by GOD.
All I see are colors:
   Yellow for fall and mellow happiness
   Red for desire and flames lit deep.
   Blue for my tender and sweet.
Messy living coupled with coffee,
count me in.
Hair curled with naked back and love?
count him in.
Art in the air of fall, filling the fortress, darling.
Painting, I must expell these ideas in more than just writing.
Art- 3 letters coupled with power to change the world.
Count my hands in.

I just want to know
Do you still want to marry me?
Do you still want me to move with you?
Do you want me to change my last name?
Because, I will.
Do you want me in a deep way?
Do you want me how I want you?
When you see me smile
Does it make you smile and break your heart?
I want to know,
How come I made past decisions?
How come you didn't chase me?
Did you? Why didn't I see it?
Do you still want to chase me?
Are you?
Trevor, please, I just want to know...
        Marry me?

I want to be someones Autumn.
Full of color and chill
warm days to heal.
Crisp in the morning, cool at night.
I want to be someones most beautiful.
Someones picture-full.
I want to be someones lost innocence.
Flawless as a freshly fallen leaf.
I want to be someones warm memory
I want to feel the fall,
         again.

I used to be a violin-loving liberal.
Now I'm a MMA independent.
Some day I will be a mother of four.
But for now, I'm happy and wild.

When the panic attacks lift,
when my feet are propped up,
when my yoga is namaste
when i crawl into bed.
Can these be the highlights?
    not only of today, but also of tomorrow?
When you've moved alone,
   and when your Jesus is low,
there isn't much left.
Loneliness is the loneliest
for such a lovely word to say,
it has such depth and meaning I never had known.
That is, before I discovered loneliness myself;
here, in the fortress, darling.
When lonely sets in, it starts with:
skin.
A simple shake off, shower or run will subdue it.
But then it creeps into:
muscle.
Then family, friends, and laughter will conquer it.
Soon, alas, it is settling deep in the:
bones.
Then family, *** and joy, are last resorts, and they will dominate it.
Don't, my dear, let it lodge home in your:
lungs.
Then and only then will all of the above be able to
pull, drag and lift you out of the loneliness.

Call me brave, call me brave.
These city lights will see me
no matter my outcome.
My past lovers will still be past.
History will still repeat itself,
    God will still show himself.
How can I identify,
    When I can't even simplify
my own thoughts into continuity.
Why do I still here your laugh and cry,
    When I don't want to remember
Our old warm fall nights.
When I do free myself most,
    When I am alone and deep,
in my thoughts and intune with my body.
So often my nights rest and restlessness
go hand in hand.
So often in my days confused and anxiety
go hand in hand.
But luckily hand in hand with you means bravery.

Women are forever tyrants
who are lovers
and wanting to be professionals.
Women are animals
In the Wall Street Jungle,
In the bed
In their minds.
So many things leak out,
my mouth, and lungs leak fear and breath.
Usually I am so controlled
that when all control ceases,
fear drips in, anxiety flames and tears flood.
Where, oh where, did this come from?
The answer I keep stumbling upon,
is simply... self hate, and no confidence.
Someone who seems on the surface:
    Strong, independent, loving
is really an active volcano of doubt beneath.
And how to feel to express that,
but with no remorse, and cursing feed back.
My mind is complete,
     completely untrained.
Running and painting wildly through this life.
With in my is emptiness,
    but deeply I know,
with out me is empty space.
within is mayhem and confusion.
Stored into boxes of odd shapes and sizes,
swirls of color and thoughts swarm here and there
Love for all who are whole and broken fills enduringly.
However my praise and hope is centered and always full.
Messy, lovely, and fearfully I go forth and live.
I don't nor won't fall for all the blame,
I won't rely on the applause.
Then!
Realization strikes recklessly
that even though control is scary,
Really I needed something,
    something grounded and ready to take on the life.