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Claire Elizabeth Jun 2014
maybe once the wind stops howling around my ears
i'll be able to stop screaming your name at the top of my lungs
because you left me to the mercy of a storm that not even the news can forecast
and i don't know if it's worth fighting against anymore
all i can think of is what your face felt like cradled in my palms
or what your voice sounded like in my ears when i couldn't hear anything but waves
i think it sounded like drowning
it was so beautiful
Claire Elizabeth Jun 2014
and i've been told a million times that yes, things get better
but how are things getting better when the sky isn't as blue as it used to be
and the grass doesn't grow as fast as it previously did
where is the improvement when i would still prefer your fingers in my throat making me throw up
rather than someone else's lips making my worries go away
i still find myself turning over in my sleep and seeing you smiling before the sun hides and so do you
how can i get better when getting better means forgetting you
Claire Elizabeth Jun 2014
I'm so sad that my body aches with it
I think it's telling me that things aren't right anymore
That maybe things can't be fixed
And it's nights like this where I want nothing more than to vanish
From the face of the earth
I used to be happy only a moment ago
But it flies away into the clouds that you take pictures of
Where all you see is beauty
But really it's just a bunch of water droplets that have collected
To form a whole
And you see the sun like it's your God
But you aren't a flower and you aren't beautiful like one either
Not anymore
The storm we just had ripped your petals off
And you just stood there trying to take pictures
Smiling
Laughing
Wondering about
How something so wonderful could lose its charm after it hails

*I was wondering the same thing
Claire Elizabeth Jun 2014
let's
      forget
              each
                    other
                           together
Claire Elizabeth May 2014
Do you ever look at sleeping human being and think
My God, there's a complex network of things working inside of that body to create this human being that I love and adore next to me.
Do you ever look at a sleeping human being and think
My God, that human being, much like me, is capable of loving me in return and showing the same care and affection that I want.
Do you ever look at a sleeping human being and think
My God, how could anybody be sad about how beautiful this human being is laying beside me on the ruffled sheets.
Do you ever look at a sleeping human being and think
My God, the sheets cradle this human being's face just right to create the perfect image that I wish I could keep forever and ever except things are fleeting.
Do you ever look at a sleeping human being and think
My God, I wish they could stay like this forever except that would be sad because we couldn't talk and we couldn't love and we couldn't do
Do you ever look at a waking human being and think
Christ, this wonderful human being next to me looks so beautiful as she is waking up with her eyelids fluttering and her eyelashes brushing her pink cheeks.
Do you ever look at a waking human being and think
Christ, why aren't there more raw things like this unslumbering human being with the eyes that are still drowsy and doe-eyed.
Do you ever look at an awake human being and think
Darling, how could eyes be as sad as yours?
Do you ever look at an awake human being and think
Darling, how can you handle the depth that are in your eyes?
Do you ever look at an awake human being and think
Darling, I don't think I can handle you.
Have you ever seen an awake human being after you've said
*We could never be friends. I just want to be happy.
I figured it was time for some creative sadness.
Claire Elizabeth May 2014
What if things were as they used to be?
The idea of never speaking again makes me feel sad.
Remember the late night talks until 2 in the morning?
The first conversation we had was about murderous cows
And how much you loved me for those moments.
The last one we had over the phone was about my father not taking pride in me
And I started crying, hoping you couldn't hear it through the vast space of emptiness in my voice.
But I think you did and I remember feeling ashamed
Because you didn't deserve to hear me sound that way when you had bigger problems.
It was moments like those that I wanted nothing more than to wake up in the early dawn of the mornings
With the pale sunlight washing over the bed sheets and your mussed hair.
It was in those moments that I wanted to go to parties with you and get drunk
And say things I would never say sober
Secrets about myself that I didn't think I had
It was moments like those that I forgot about my family issues
Or my own issues and your issues
It was moments like those that I loved you too much to physically feel.
I couldn't express the fullness I felt in the dead of night when it felt like we were the only two alive.
It was in moments like those that I started thinking about the possibility of not staying together forever
And it was those moments that I got out your proclamation of love that I had written down
I would stare at it and smile and giggle and think about what I did right to be with you
I wasn't sure if I was good enough to stay
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