I thought back to when
I apologized to Jennifer
and she started her
response with the
fact that she did
not accept my
apology, but
i should not
have to apologize
for stumbling, for
tripping on myself
for losing my footing
for a while, for hours
for six months.

No. Jennifer. I am not sorry.

I cannot write** knowing you will never care for me.

I bought a knife once
and you said it made me dangerous

I was only tired of getting pricked
by the thorns on roses I had found for you

They say I'm too young to be this full
of the world
but really, I have no room left
because you see
I fall in love a thousand times a day-
I saw you double take the leaf getting
crushed under your fathers feet and
I think you felt sorry for it
The breath cut short before a laugh
And the quivering of a mouth when you don't know whether you should laugh or cry.
You might as well slam me into a brick wall when
I hear someone sing
and today I walked by a man with a guitar and
felt the wind get knocked out of me//
it was the most heart wrenching thing-
he had your hands
and lately I've noticed
when you see me you no longer have
to catch your breath and if you want me to say
i'd do anything to make you stay
you'll be waiting
the rest of your life

I had this dream
where I walked in
on you erasing a
giant whiteboard
with every word
I'd ever spoken
to you ill-timed
or not and then
you were behind
glass and I was
watching you
as if you were
some kind of
museum
exhibit.

how easily i remember
why I loved you after
all this time, it's strange
to see you talk and watch
your eyes move and hands
tremble gently pouring
coffee grounds, you'd
never say you're
nervous but
right as I
thought that
you strummed the
guitar and said so.

you're living under a warm
pink light and I can see you
holding her hand between
the wooden seats in that
cafe

there's a glass of cold water
on my desk and I'm about
to go to bed.