je me sens tellement
déconnecté de tout
ce qui m'entoure.
j'ai besoin que
tu rentres de
sorte que je
peux sentir
réel à nouveau.

we had a silent love
like a loose tooth
and no doors to slam,
just your rhymes
without any reason
and your pills made you
sicker than the season
we didn't speak a word
to eachother & i realized
that i needed you
right after you got tired
of chasing me.

i swear,
your eyes used to
drip honey when
you talked about
me, i swear they
did.

im addicted to the feeling
of emptiness in my body.
first, panic,
then comes comfort
in knowing i will soon be
smaller
than every conversation
weve tried to hold in the past year
and now that i can think
with my head clear, no longer
suffocating under the weight
i carried of the love i thought
was shared, i realize that nothing
that came out of our sorrow bleeding
mouths ever held any meaning.
the meaning lied in the dark
like i did all those nights when i
couldnt close my eyes and turned off
all the lights to pretend i could.
i will weigh even less than
what i meant to you and
maybe after that,
your weak, bruised,
needle loving arms can be
wrapped around me
comfortable enough
for the both of us.

lately
i haven't been able
to decide which is worse;
drowning
under the weight
of the crashing waves
or killing myself
from the thirst
of avoiding them.

your mother died before teaching you
how to deal with death
and the only way
to bleed out the sadness
was to wrap your hands
around my neck and i,
i ripped open my own *******
chest so you didn't have to get
your hands *****
and you told me
you wanted someone
with a little more

restraint

everything i say
is poison so i
bite my lip and
hope i never tear
a hole through.

lord knows you
can’t handle
anything with
a kick.

i remember
one of the times
i got scared and
called it off,
you found someone else.
when you told me
you still loved me
at 3 in the morning,
i asked you, in a
desperate attempt
for you to hurt me
more than i had
hurt myself,
"did you sleep with her?"
your answer still
to this day
leaves me wondering
if i want to break
her hands
or my own.