I’m scared of touching you.
Of putting my lips on yours,
And tasting the truth.
I’m scared of holding your hand,
And that you’ll never let go.
I’m scared of getting too close,
And not being able to back out.
I’m scared of letting you love me,
And that maybe I’ll love you back.
I’m glad you trust me,
But please stop telling secrets.
Don’t whisper in my ear,
Don’t sing my favorite songs.
I’m trying to make you stop,
Stop the spread your disease.
Disease people call love,
Love I’ll never know.
Knowing how to love is an art,
Art no Mozart could draw.
Draw me closer and you’ll see,
See my bad sides and my truth.
Truth you just can’t bear,
Bear to hear from me.
Me, myself and I,
I think that’s all I have.
Have been like that for ever,
Ever and ever I’d like to keep.
Keep me close but far away,
Away from love, from it all.
All that comes with hiving hugs,
Hugs that hold no meaning.
Means that I don’t want you
You to want me back.
Back is where I want to go,
Go where I felt safe.
Safe and sound sounds good to me,
Me, myself and I.
I like the sound of that.
That’s the way I want it.
That’s how I belong.
Please don’t hold my hand,
Please don’t hold my heart.
I like you how you are,
You like me how I am.
Let’s not change that right now.
I like where I belong.
I’m scared of changing the alphabet,
Putting U right next to I.
It would mess up absolutely everything.
Me, Myself, and I.
I like the sound of that.

The first time someone broke my heart
was the day I cried for 2 hours straight
to my "boy best friend"
shocked into silence by my tears,
he repeated "it'll be okay"
over and over again
I didn't believe him.

And my first taste of abandonment
were very much like burns while
playing with fire
but instead of raw, throbbing fingers
the pain came in the form of
tears, its taste salty from
pent up resentment and hurt
it scarred me
and left me weary of those who approached

The first time I broke someone's heart,
we were approaching our sixth month
the brief exchanges of apologies and goodbyes
left me short of breathe
and i might not have 'loved' him
but the dull, throbbing ache 'goodbyes' left me
made me wonder otherwise

and the first time I found out what it meant to let go
it left me with a chill that would not go away, not
even if i stood under the blazing sun,
hours on ends
and when tears failed me,
I turned to shiny blades and pain
that dulled the throbbing of my heart
Promising myself, I would never find another
I holed myself up against anyone that stood too close,
masking the vulnerability that was crystal clear to everyone else

And the first time I fell in love
It was with a boy whose silence spoke louder than his words ever could
and though his past was tear-stained and broken,
he was not.

And my first taste of real love
did not give me butterflies in my stomach
but the silent strength to
heal the damage I afflicted to myself after
every tear,
every pain,
every heartbreak.
I could begin to love myself again.

And yes, I know
"Happy endings" only happen in childrens' book
and we will find hurt and anguish in every corner
we expect to find bliss and happiness
as if mocking our efforts of contentment
but each time i'm close to tears,
I'll remember how perfectly our hands fit,
and I guess that will be enough,
for me, at least

{d.c}

A cigarette
Feels so warm
Like a hug from a friend
And you feel like you belong
Finally
I found where I belong
Cigarettes,
Memories kept
All my secrets
Are left on cigarettes

Love, the real kind, is never simple.
It is the one thing that makes life worth it in the end,
and something that wonderful and sought-after is never going to be easy to get.
You have to work for it.
Blood, sweat, and tears.
So if it’s easy, yeah maybe you won’t get broken.
But you won’t be truly happy, either.
You’ll be settling.
Don’t get me wrong,
There are lots of things in life that are totally acceptable to settle on.
Sure, Harvard was your dream school.
But you know what?
Going to your state school because its more affordable
Will still get you where you want to be in life.
And I know the hairdresser couldn't match the color you showed her,
But you are beautiful and can rock it anyway, so don’t worry.
But love?
Settling in love is like buying a pair of shoes that are a size too small,
Just because you thought they were pretty.
They may look nice,
But you are dying on the inside. I
f you had just held out a bit longer,
You would have found a pair just as beautiful that fit well, too.
Maybe that nice guy looks good on paper,
But if he doesn’t give you butterflies whenever he looks at you,
Don’t be with him.
You want someone who makes you fall for them every day,
Not just once.