Things escalated immensely, which led to things that she wasn’t expecting to ever happen between the two of them again. Kissing had turned into foreplay which overall led to intimacy. Pain struck her immediately, then as quickly as it began it became uncontrollable pleasure.
It has been months since their bodies were last intertwined together with their heavy breathing and hearts pounding wildly. There is no mistaking the scratches she had left upon his back. Never before was it this intense. All of their ****** tension has been relieved from the both of them.
Only days before she had confessed her undying wanting of him, since they had departed from one another’s lives’. Though now they are just friends – friends whom share an intimate relation together. There was no passion, no romance in this single occasion. Nothing will come of this in the days to come.

Days have passed, and she sits wondering if he thinks any less of her for the things she had said to him. What he has yet to know, is that she wants him for more than his body, more than ***, she wants him for who he is. Lust is strong, but it has not overpowered her; he has rose high upon her and is controlling her very emotions. Every time he walks past, her breath is taken away with just a slight glance and her heart goes down into her stomach with a lip-biting flip-flop.
Thoughts flash back to when their bodies were intertwined and seemed to fit together as if they were to be one. ****** tension rises once again at the mere thought, and then fades away with the knowledge that was merely a one-night stand. Perhaps it was for the best to never happen again…

Insomnia has overcome her, and leaves her to be tortured by agonizing flashbacks. Memories of past lovers fill her head. There was so much lust and anger in those relations. All she can do is jot down her thoughts so they will possibly cease to return.

‘Oceans upon oceans of gigantic gusts of wind are constantly consuming my every emotion, every thought and memory. If only a black hole of darkness will swallow the memories completely, then I will finally be at peace with my life. Until then I will constantly be fighting the memories away, hoping they will fall at bay.
My ****** tension keeps building up, creating a mountain of frustration within me.’

my ****** valentine
please do not cry
your ****** tears
for I, you love
will help you
with all of your fears
I too am lost
in a world of hate,
in which no body knows
my one and only fate
you say you're filled with
so much shame,
and I am filled with
all of your pain
with skin so fare
I shall not bare
to make you cry
as I.

as you find me
lying here
you say to yourself
what do I care
I scream for mercy
I scream with pain
you look at me and say
whom is to blame
now I am dead
with nothing to bare
as I lay here
floating up high
thinking of why
I had to die

tears fall.
hearts ache.
pain finds the surface of your body.
voices crack inside your head.
you want to speak, but no words reach your mouth.
your saliva is flavored with metal; with blood.
you walk the night with an unbearable hunger.
you search for your lover whom took your very life.
he fed you to the creatures of the night.
you want to destroy him, invade his mind.
instead you allow daybreak to burn your flesh and dissolve you into ash.

I stand here on the ocean cliffs' edge,
waiting for you to arrive.
day after day I come and wait.
but you do not come...
so I think it must be fate...
and on the day you finally came,
tt turned out that it was too late...
because I had thrown myself off the cliff,
in which I stood waiting.
you watched my body fall and land,
down in the cold ocean water below.
and when I hit the icy cold water,
it felt like hundreds of knives piercing my flesh.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't see.
I couldn't feel the warmth inside of me.
and then my broken heart suddenly stopped.
also at that moment I realized that,
I was drowning.
I was dead.
there are still questions unanswered...
why were you late?
why did you let me drown?
why did you let me die?
my sprit is floating up somewhere high...
I think I'm going to heaven.
but it turns out that I cannot fly.
because the angels took my wings and sent me down,
I killed myself,
remember it is called suicide?
remember I let myself drown?
so instead of heaven, it's hell for me...
maybe when I come back,
I will be free.
and we'll meet again.
he'll be my father,
and you'll be his friend.
but if and when you die,
will you come looking for me?
if you don't I will never be completely free.
I want to be with you forever.
and ever, and ever.
thank you for finally coming to find me.
now we can start over.
and when we do,
we can find each other once more.
and we'll never be kept apart...

Roses are Red.
Love is Blue.
Candy is sweet.

Roses are full of thorns… They hurt if you grasp them. So be careful when you handle them. Otherwise you’ll get cut by what feels like a razor blade. And if you handle them with love and care… you’ll get the same reaction. And I can be compared to a rose… I can hurt you if you handle me the wrong way… But if you treat me right, I can do the same for you. I am very emotional, so be careful.
“Love is like a rose. It has thorns every step of the way. When it blooms it will become beautiful, and you will cherish it forever.“

I finally learned that there is no such thing as true love. That it is all just a big hoax. That when you think you’ve finally found it, it just disappears like if it were evaporated water. Love is a very strong word, let alone emotion. It takes a big role in life… But hate does also. It is a much stronger and harmful word then love. So be careful… And don’t toss it around. Because if you do, you’ll get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt again… But I know I’ll fall head-over-heels for some guy and get my heart broken, again. I’m sick of it.
“Love is for suckers.”

Candy… Umm… It is something some people can’t live without… Not an addiction, but just a want. So people should get over it. Diabetics can’t even eat it, I don’t think. So why have it? Why want it? I guess I’m candy… Some people can’t have me. But then again some people have had me, bt just tossed me aside. So I guess I’m not so sweet.

it's your funeral today,
no one came but me.
blackened roses lay by your side.
you were my best friend,
but you allowed love to be you death.
he took your heart and squeezed it tight.
tight so you could no longer breathe.
true loves' first kiss never came for you,
instead the angel of death came and stole you away.

you bleed ink.
you cry blood.
you ******* lips against yours.
your heart beats with mine.
open window.
water violin.
hanging from a tree,
drowning in sorrows of
a broken heart.
I won't break it.
I promise.

run around inside the chamber of that pounding ****** *****, which lingers inside your chest.
watch as it pumps blood in and out through your body all through the day.
and suddenly the blood stops...
your heart is being torn straight down its center, slowly.
you can hear the tissues and muscle ripping.
it makes a terrible noise that stops the soul with a sharpening pain.
your entire chest area aches.
it burns with the knowledge of a broken heart.
it will take a long time for this odd shaped ***** to mend.
soon new tissues will mend over the open wound and it will be once again alive and well.

ravens fly in the sky, with freezing rain pouring down hard.
it’s staining the land with the tears from the angels above.
their screams sound like sirens piercing the hearts of every living creature, every soul.
ravens, crows; birds of ******.
they fly among each other in a treacherous roar.
the storms' eerie screeches drive the birds insane.
the beautiful angels stop their weeping, and become sickeningly quiet.
the birds are lessening more and more.
the sky turns purple in color and the stars shine brightly.
if you look, you can see lonely faces in the sky tonight.

burnt roses.
crying hearts.
bound together from the start.
we are meant to be.
bleeding eyes.
drowning regrets.
we will never be torn apart,
mend my shattered heart.

laying in the middle
of my bathroom floor,
bleeding my heart out,
which is dying
inside my chest.
I scream loudly
within my skull.
but on the outside,
laughing,
because I have no tears
left to cry.
I wish for tears,
but they do not come.
only instead
my heart shatters more
and more.
and blood from my dying heart
gushes onto the floor.
soon I will be dead,
I am sure.
then there'd be
one less heart to mend...

no more questions.
because there will be no answers.
no more saying things
like I love you.
because I know you don't.
no more lying.
because it only causes pain.
no more believing
there is someone out there.
no more telling yourself,
that everything will be okay.
because there is no one there,
and you'll never be okay again.
all because of
too many questions,
too many lies,
and too much pain.
those are what causes heartbreak.
my heartbreak.

star light shining
overhead brightly,
showing you that
there is beauty
all around.
rose petals go
round and round
the moon.
practically playing
on a merry-go-round.
to you it's a
spell, a curse,
upon anyone
who does not see
that there is love
looking for them
somewhere out there.
little pixies play
with unused hearts.
then giving them away
to unborn children.
so that one day
they can see the
pixie dance and the
petals in the nights' sky.

peach buttons.
cartoon lies.
eyeliner lines.
broken little child hiding in the corner.
bleeding mascara isn't so beautiful.
loves death has struck the clock.
your time has run out as he says he loves you.

beautiful children.
flowers in the sky.
empty swings in the park.
lollipop kisses cross your lips.
my heart aches to be held by you.
tears stream down my face
like rain streaming down my window.
I lost you.
the leaves have fallen.
there is purple in the sky.
while time passes by,
I sit in my room burning
the roses you once gave to me.
purple nightmares interrupt my dreams.
butterfly dances cloud my thoughts.
glass shortly replaces my heart.
a yellow crayon lay on the floor...
but a black star is on the paper.
soon you will see,
that I loved you truly.
until you come back to me,
I have a gun in my lap,
the trigger waiting to be pulled...

you are my light in the dark.
you are the thorn that pricked my finger.
I am your sisters' barbie doll.
I am your doll.
dress me, treat me however you like.
don't break my plastic hollow heart.
you are my world; my future.
I don't want to lose you.
please don't leave me in the dark.

forgiving is merely impossible.
forgetness is unimaginable.
but breaking your "unbreakable" heart is easy.
the blood from my wrist drips onto the bathroom floor,
and stains the water red.
you've opened up my broken heart so all of the world could see.
I will never forget your treachery.
for when you love "faded",
mine inflated while my heartache reveled itself.
I hope you choke when you see the blood on my wrist.
it was your doing that caused my pain.
maybe my death has broken your "unbreakable" heart because
you'd finally know how much I once loved you.

"I hope you choke on those words that kiss that bottle... Confess!" - Tell That **** He Made My List of Things to Do Today, Fall Out Boy

choking on flowers.
sleeping on pins.
living with me.
pull the trigger, beautiful.
razor blades and kisses.
cupcakes in the fridge.
tears in the bathtub.
polka dot fears.
Elmo on TV.
don't forget,
you're living with me.
paper cuts.
broken hearts.
pouring out your feelings
all because nothing is perfect.
you're living with me.

burning tears
melt down my
face and burn.
love has betrayed
me once more.
hearts float
off to neverland
and become black
and cold.
other bleed.
soon my
tears will fade
awat and will
be no more.
as I cough
and scream
it stays within.
I can't let my
pain out.
my voice is
cracked once
I can speak again.
my blood flows
nicely along my
wrist and down
onto the floor.

just a slip of the knife,
in any direction
and the blood forms
in beaded lines.
it stings and burns,
but feels better than
the other pain.
deeper and deeper
with every cut.
it rolls gently
down the wrist and
splatters onto the paper.
just hoping that
one of these cuts
will be the last.
but they're never
deep enough to take
a life.

scentless poison
fractured heart
tasteless fragrence.
everything has
fallen apart in
your world of
fantasy.
you're trapped in
this small white
room with the
hard padded walls.
they removed you
from reality you
dodn't need.
the doctors have
stripped your life
from you.
you're no longer
human.
all you are is
their toy, their
test subject.
but really, it's
all in your mind,
they really are
trying to help
you; you're just
crazy.

running 'round the
world in the depths
of the night just
to find one another
sounds astounding
but their hearts
are racing and
everyone else’s blood
is boiling...
to sneak off to an
unknown world
with the love of
your life is just
so thrilling,
especially when you
know that your
love is forbidden,
your heart never
stops racing.
you have both
disappointed your
families, and one
another.
love sometimes takes
deadly turns, some
not always expected.

black lace,
needles,
eyeliner lines,
rusty razor blades
cut deep
into her flesh
until crimson red
seeps out in the
form of beaded lines
among her wrist.
she licks the
frosting off of
a cupcake in
her hand.
delicious blood
and chocolates.
ambitions are perfect.
her wrists are bandaged.
her eyes are swollen.
and her heart has
been totally broken.
she covers her
eyes in thick
eyeliner to hide
the shadows;
she wears black lace
to cover the scars from
the needles of her
addiction.

you're wonderful;
notice the love
in your life.
don't break her
heart or run away.
it only makes
matters worse.
she wants love.
she wants happiness.
give that to her.
just give her what
every other girl wants,
her happy ever after.
take her hand
and place a ring
of promises; never
break these promises
forever love her
and catch her
tears in the palms
of your hands
when she cries.

she opens her eyes
to see nothing
but darkness
beside her.
she opens her heart
to find it empty.
she opens her mouth
to speak, but no
words are formed
and she is speechless.
she opens up to a
new love just to
get her heart
broken again.
now she has closed
everything to the
world around her.

lights flutter.
hearts ache.
her eyes water.
razor blades
and needles
fill her life.
sleep all day,
up all night.
her heart pounds
with the adrenalin
rush of her new
love.
flowers in the
freezer and
drugs on the mirror,
she was once so
beautiful.
now they have
invaded her life
and have shown
her all new
adventures to
explore
new worlds.
bad habits.
they'll be the
death of her.
time slowly
ticks on by;
one,
two,
three.
the love of the
needle has
entered her veins.
it lay on the
desk beside her
until she can
feel no more.
death has come
near, her heart
begins to stop.
tears flow,
blood runs.
time stops.
she was interlocked
into the love
of the needle
and the monster
inside.

black lace drapes over your window
and flows in the breeze of the wind.
you've captured butterflies in jars and
listen to their wings beat against the
glass, trying to escape their prison.
as you take another drag of your
cigarette, it begins to rain gently;
and rain begins to come in through
your window silently.
you blow out a puff of smoke,
and watch it blow down your tongue
and pass through your lips.
you shut the window slightly
and just listen to the rain outside;
it sounds so distant, so far away,
yet it completely surrounds you.
your ****** tension keeps building up,
and distracts you ever so slightly.
but your mind is occupied
by other thoughts.
memories slowly invade your mind of
things you wish that you could forever forget.
like when you had cut too deep and watched
the blood splatter onto the notebook in your lap.
or the time he broke your heart...
then you notice the unmistakable tears,
streaming down your cheeks.
you wipe them away and finish your
cigarette.
you lie in bed and feel the cool breeze
around your face; you fall asleep.
hours later you awake, the rain has
stopped and the butterflies in their
glass prison have fallen silent.
the world suddenly begins to spin,
and abruptly starts to spiral downward
into the darkness of your world;
and all you can do is fall to your knees
and cry.

your tears have fallen at bay
and so has the rain.
sudden comfort has overcome you;
there's warmth in your
heart once more.
as you light up another cigarette,
your thoughts race.
you take the first drag
and let out a puff of smoke
that lingers in the air for a
few moments, then disappears.
you've let the past memories go,
and now new memories
begin to show their faces.
a breeze comes in through the
open window and chills you slightly.
the breeze has begun to pick
up speed and becomes a gust of wind;
it feels nice.
you look into the mirror to only
see how terrible you look;
you've cried all of your makeup
off and your eyes remain puffy
and red from all of the tears.
you put your cigarette out
and watch as the smoke rises
up and floats out of the
window and into the wind.
you've come to the realization
that you've been living in your past,
and that you've been locked inside
your own prison; a prison of memories.

I want happiness
to invade my life.
fill my heart
and never leave.
if only I could freeze
time itself or go back
and live the good times
over again.
wanting and needing
are two completely
different things.
I want happiness
and I need it as well.
I've become blind to
love; everyone that
says they love me
all seem to lie.
that's why I say:
someone,
anyone
save me,
please.

"do hearts often break once they've stopped beating?" - Corpse Bride

shock throws you off balance
and tears have blinded your eyes
your lips are pursed,
as if you're about to speak.
just silence.
his lips are moving,
but you hear nothing.
he's reaching for you,
to tell you how sorry he is,
but you feel no touch,
no warmth of his hands,
just shock.
confusion is coming
at you at light speed.
it hits you and so
does the hurt feeling
in your heart.
it feels like you've just
been hit by a MAC truck.

if only I could just
keep the memories at bay,
then I could forget the
time you confessed your
love for me over the
static of the phone.
there are no pills to
keep my sanity, only
crimson gashes stringing
along both of my wrists.
you used to call me
beautiful-gorgeous;
before, it'd make my
heart skip beats.
now, it just stops beating.

emptiness surrounds me
completely and entirely.
I feel utterly alone even
though I am surrounded by
a group of people.
lost in thought,
all I hear is silence
and the buzzing of the
fluorescent lights overhead.
I focus on the pain in
my wrist and the ache
that forever lingers in my chest.
exhaustion has become
overpowering, making it
difficult to concentrate.
the vast emptiness
of my life grows larger.
all I wanted was
someone to catch my fall.

"dark blue, dark blue, have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?" - Jack's Mannequin

pretending to be someone
who you know you're not.
always having to fake
a smile and a few laughs.
you wear a mask,
called happiness,
just to try to fit in
with the everyday crowd.
his love for you is
written all over your face.
try to escape; run away.
stop pretending.
the bruises will stop.

paper flowers.
mascara smeared eyes.
racing down the
streets and avenues
of your life.
panic, attacks from
every direction.
battered hearts fly away.
there's a moonlit
rainbow in the dark.
pop the pills for the
sweet ****** high.
bound together by
sweet addiction.
take an injection of
liquid nicotine and
mix it with a drink.
infatuation overcomes.
butterfly nightmares,
flutter through the night.
running, alone, sheltered
by the dark of the night.

you capture the butterfly
in an upside-down jar.
watch it's wings flutter
madly trying to escape
the glass prison.
listen to the steady
beat pounding against
the glass walls.
if you listen carefully,
the rhythm of it's wings
sounds like the on-going
beat of the heart.
though, the butterfly
becomes weak in it's
prison of glass, and
the rhythm of it's wings
begin to slow, and
abruptly fall silent.
just as the beat of
a broken heart.
let this beautiful
creature out of this
prison of glass, and
maybe it's wings will
have the rhythm of a
steady beating heart.

she's the on he speaks
of in his dreams on
hot sleepless nights.
she's the one who steals
his breath away
whenever she walks past.
Guinevere is beautiful.
she is the fatal drug
that runs through his
veins and into his heart.
it stops beating just
as the needle enters
his vein and the drug;
his Guinevere; ******
has been injected.
Guinevere has become
dangerous and deadly.
his beautiful Guinevere
is the ****** he bases
his untimely life on.
the breath she had
stolen was yet his last.
love destroys you,
just as addiction.

you keep your love
locked away like
a secret wanting
to be told.
the key is hidden
in your heart,
kept safe behind
the constant beating.
who can capture
the key in your heart
and unlock the secret
to your love?
it's waiting,
pleading to
be let out,
set free.
let loose it's fiery
barrier and let go
your untimely secret.
love wants to be
found, and if you
stop looking, it's
bound to find you.

invisible thoughts.
midnight tears.
running away from
the monster that
you now call your life.
falling into oblivion.
the black of night
swallows your soul.
tears become oceans.
screams become echoes.
hearts become empty.
time ticks by.
centuries seem to pass.
eyes open wide.
the dream seizes.
consciousness returns.
thoughts and dreams
have collided,
creating a hurricane
full of nightmares.
nightmares called reality.

you come back into
my life all too quickly.
It seems more like you've
invaded my mind rather then
just stopped by to visit.
silence has erupted
between us.
It almost seems like
nothing has changed,
but it has.
everything has changed.

things seem all to awkward
to actually be happening.
nothing seems real anymore.
my life has become a
never ending dream.
a dream that keeps
replaying in my head
over and over again.
it's frozen, burned into my mind,
stuck on repeat.

I fall into lust, head first,
just to have it end in
absolutely nothing.
there's no attraction between us,
yet things still seem to fall into
all of the wrong places when
the two of us are together.
just with your mere presence,
it all affects my life in some way.

I want to forget you.
I want to forget that there
was ever an 'us'.
you're not exactly what
one would call cute.
you expect to get what you
want no matter the consequences.
there's no reason for you to
have such a great affect on me.
yet the love that I once had
for you will forever stay
somewhere hidden deep inside.
I will never be able to forget you.

confusion erupts
from all corners
of my mind.
loneliness filled
the void where
love was once kept.
I am full of so many
different emotions
it causes other pain.

lost love;
longing to be
loved by the one
who I can never
love again.

confusion;
false hope;
anger.

they all flash
through me with
such immense force.
and causes unwanted
tears to fall.

I try amazingly
hard to hide the
feelings which
should lie dormant
inside of me.

though when I let
them out, they
go wild and take
complete control
of my actions.
causing more and
more pain for
those I care about
most and not to
mention, myself.

If only my feelings
would fall dormant
and let me have peace.
If only...

I am your mistake
no love, no hate
the scars that are
shown upon my wrist
are memories of my past
the bruises which
appear all over my
legs are caused by stress,
I'm your cupcake,
extrodinary and sweet.
so call me cupcake.mistake

I feel as if people will
see the scars beneath
my tattoos and forever
look at me differently.
judge me for who I was.
I feel as if people will
notice the cuts upon my
stars and bring me
own even further.
I'm in a galaxy of myself.
in this galaxy of my thoughts.
there's pain there;
lost love, incredible beauty
there no one can see
the scars upon my stars.

some say that they're:
soft
comforting
even safe.
I say they're:
unusual
full of lust
kisses aren't something
that every girl should
want because all they
lead up to is trouble.

all you can say
with your last
breath on your lips,
I loved you.



purse your lips
to say hello
wave your hand
to say goodbye
don't say a word
just leave without
a sound


rainbow buttons
among polka-dot
creations and an
ocean of sea foam green
stone cold hearts
colored of jade
hang upon this ocean
never beating

your beauty is the
most powerful thing
that you shall ever
posses.
never let it fail you
keep letting yourself shine
never fade away
without beauty, you'll
live your life feeling
as if something's going
to always be missing.

pretty face
run away
don't let them
find you
in your dark
hiding place
cut your
wrist.
watch the
blood drain
forget your
thoughts
tel them
bleed.
remind him,
remind them
that you're
more then
just a
pretty face.

me.

1. “A kiss is what tells the beginning to every story; it’s up to you where that story will lead.”
2. “All I could hear escape between your lips were pain strikingly words. Everything spoken after faded into darkness and all I could do to hold the screaming inside my chest from escaping into the world beyond was to cry. The tears disguised those screams so they could fall silently down. It has become positively clear that this masquerade I’ve been considering my life will forever remain the same. There’s no perfection; love, trust and the other feelings of happiness hide comfortably behind enclosed masks. I wished to believe this would be the last game I would play. That you would be the last character in my storybook. Though perhaps I was unmistakably incorrect; the soul never lies. Once one half finds its other they’re forever intertwined. Never losing sight of what’s to be. Always knowing when something is. Love moves at its own speed of blinding light; may it be slow and may it be incredibly fast. Please realize this or it’ll be far too late and hearts will be left broken and poisonous tears will shed.”
3. “All she was to him was just a pretty face; all I am to him is just a pretty face.”
4. “Angels do exist. Though they do not have wings; they live among us.”
5. “As night falls, the world sleeps.”
6. ”Beauty is just another tragedy.”
7. “Boy, shut the **** up because she loves your sorry ***. So smile and be happy.”
8. “Cascading waves of memories flood over you like an ocean swallowing you entirely engulfing your every move and stealing your every breath from within. Screaming and crying are disguised with one last breath. You awaken and to your demise find you were only in a far off dream.”
9. “Confusion all mixed into one creating an atomic bomb of confusion.”
10. “Don’t get attached to me; I’m poison, I’ll destroy your life.”
11. “Everything happens for a reason; don’t underestimate those reasons. You live to forgive and forget and to move along with the life you’re leading. Therefore, with that said, don’t waste time with melodrama or pity arguments. Don’t put up with people who attempt to drag you down with them. Because I can guarantee that those people, the ones who try to play you like a cheesy board game are never worth a single breath escaping your lips. Those are the ones who will never find happiness, true happiness, bliss, No; they’ll forever be lonely. Keep moving forward look onto brighter horizons. Love the ones you hold close to your heart. Cherish your children. Lead your own life, not someone else’s, nor let any other being lead yours. Smile. Kiss. Love. Trust. Be honest with yourself and with others. It’s all worth it in the end.”
12. “Find your forever. Find your never. They’ll always be connected together.”
13. “Forever is never, never is forever.”
14. “**** pretty in pink! I’m pretty in purple!”
15. “**** this. *******. I’m through.”
16. “Have you ever been afraid to say something even though it’s boiling at the brim wanting to be spoken? For the fear of letting those words roll down your tongue and escape your lips will make reality all the more real. Saying something so breathtaking could possibly have your fairytale come to an abrupt stop; even though the tables may turn and your heart will open to whatever this may be.”
17. “I can’t find reality; my reality has just become a non-stop ride through hell and back. Send someone to shine a light as bright as a shooting star so I can find my way back to what my reality should be realistically.”
18. “He calls her pretty face.”
19. “He thinks she’s just a pretty face.”
20. “Hold your breath, count to ten, wish you were only dead again.”
21. “I feel lost within myself and I’ve become blind as to which way to turn.”
22. “I hate being surrounded by people and feel totally alone; because I know that they all hate me.”
23. “I hate feet; so I wish that I had mermaid find and fairy wings instead.”
24. “I hate making my face look like a porcelain doll just to hide what reality has done.”
25. “I have a feeling that drastic changes are approaching quite quickly. I only wish that I were able to see what’s coming. A warning would be magnificently lovely.”
26. “I love moments like this; I’m smoking a cigarette, drinking a wine cooler, writing, just enjoying life. Why couldn’t it be like this all of the time?”
27. “I tend to pass judgment onto others too quickly; yet I’ve realized that if I don’t it typically turns around to bite me hard in the ***.”
28. “I wish my life were like a movie; maybe then it would be easier.”
29. “I’m crazy, you’re crazy, he’s crazy, she’s crazy, we’re all crazy.”
30. “I’m just your typical story.”
31. “Is there truly a such thing as forever? Honestly. Can someone really love me? Can someone handle my roller coaster ride of emotions? I need that somebody here with me now – to protect me from myself. I love you. I loved you. I miss you. I’ve always missed you. Things change. People change in both good and bad ways. Friendships fall apart. Relationships are destroyed. Nothing is ever wonderful anymore. Life just isn’t worth living.”
32. “It seems to happen in threes.”
33. “It’s a two way street, not a one-way road.”
34. “It’s boiling inside of me, reaching closer and closer to the rim, threatening to boil over, destroying everything in it’s destructive path.”
35. “Just a strangers touch and the sound of your voice is all I need to live.”
36. “Let’s run away together, just you and me.”
37. “Love like tomorrow but not like yesterday.”
38. “Make a wish; slit your wrist; never count tomorrow as another day.”
39. “People change – I’ve seen friendships fall apart and relationships destroyed. It happens, truth hurts. People lie, people cheat. Everyone destroys someone else in some way. It’s an ever-going cycle of life. Live your life; even when something unexpected comes along, enjoy it, love it. It’s all worth it in the end. I can promise you that.”
40. “Running away with the boy of your dreams to the far away never land of happiness. But really, there are no dreams of happiness, only an imagination wanting to escape.”
41. “She smells of cigarette-smoke perfume. She’s that lonely girl down the street with only hope and faith to lead her life.”
42. “She’s more then just a pretty face, why can’t you see that?”
43. “Simply a look can break your heart.”
44. “So there’s this boy, I’m not sure if I should like him because I’m an emotional roller coaster ride and I don’t need to **** up again; get hurt again.”
45. “Sometimes I rely on ‘pretend’ way too much.”
46. “Sometimes part of me just wants to run and hide and runaway from this; and then the other half decides it’s for the best to keep looking ahead no matter how breath taxingly terrifying it may be.”
47. “Sometimes when she sees her mother she lets out a scream.”
48. “That boy makes me scream so silently.”
49. “That light that once was has grown extraordinarily dim; hardly a flicker remains. It’s fading quickly, more so as the days press forward. The question arises, should the flame rekindle or should it die out completely?”
50. “The past will never cease to constantly be snipping at your heels with every step you take; it’ll always be there to remind you who you are and what paths you’ve chosen to lead you to where you are. Don’t break promises, don’t break hearts, because it’s happened before; your sometimes overwhelming past can come toppling down on you at any given moment; so be careful. There’s no one who wants to slip, fall face first, losing all consciousness into what once was.”
51. “There is always that one person, that one unforgettable person that never ceases to leave your mind, though you remain invisible to them.”
52. “Things look so much prettier at night – why?”
53. “Thoughts run around all over my mind. Tears fill a pool of solitude and regret.”
54. “Trust; it’s a highly important factor in ones life. I have very little for those I have met here, all except for one in which I trust completely with my life, my heart, my child. Yes, I may be very trusting, but that trust only lasts until you’ve broken it. Every one of you thus far, besides that one person has broken my trust. So therefore those of you who broke my trust can go **** yourselves and relinquish yourselves from my life; it’ll be much better without you. And you know exactly who I’m referring to.”
55. “We all seem like strangers now.”
56. “We learn and we live. We forgive and we forget. We make mistakes because we’re only human. We say things we don’t mean and we hurt others out of our own selfishness. We blind ourselves from what we truly need to see. We believe that happiness will come to us naturally. We wish to believe that there is a happy ever after to end all of our stories. We sometimes dwell in our pasts, and dread a different future. Sometimes things happen because they’re meant to – and I am one who has done these things. I feel as if I can never love again because I hurt that one person. And I think that may never be welcomed back to me.”
57. “Welcome the future with open arms; embrace it like an old friend. Learn to forget and forgive the painful memories; keep your tears at bay; have faith in yourself and others. And mostly, remember that love and trust will always be your guiding light into the darkness.”
58. “What do you do when someone from your past suddenly comes waltzing back into your life? Do you welcome them with open arms or shove them straight back into the darkness from which they emerged?  Does it become a shock that they wish to return? Are apologies relevant? What’s to come now – friendship? Blank stares in amazement that someone so unbelievably stupid could possibly fathom a change in heart. One may never know the truth behind such a possession. Though may it truly be a possession of heart at all? Or is it a matter of fact that it’s real? We all long for answers and truth be told, the most difficult are the ones needed to be released. So may I ask you my dear, what are you going to do? Are you going to welcome me back into your life or shove me away? It was once said I would come back, never knowing when, and that when has become now. After the tedious past, which lay behind me, I view things differently. I no longer want what I had wanted before, because I have experiences them with the wrong person. Could you possibly lend me some much needed answers?”
59. “Why would you keep your beauty locked in an air-tight box?”
60. “Worlds upon worlds are falling upon me; burying me entirely. I run from my demons, though when I turn around there they are.”
61. “You have an everlasting beauty to you. You always will. Never let them bring you down when they fall.”

My Perfect Stranger,

I have a proposal of sorts; I want to start writing a story, in which you are my partner in crime. The crime being – living without one another. Not being sure to know if we’ll ever be apart of one another’s lives again.
Scratch that – the crime, the crime would be a lie because in truth I want to begin a story to where you are my partner in crime, yes; but you’d be my partner in crime for life. We’d commit no crimes, speak no lies, confess all truths with the bluntest honesty that could spring forth from our hearts. Enjoy every possible moment spent together, for they have become few and far apart.
This is not just a start of any typical story, but it will be the start of our story. The real story – It can’t be written, it can’t be spoken by anyone other then you and I. We’re the only ones who know how our story begins, though we’ll never truly know how it’ll end. This is a second chance, if not the first chance.

“A kiss is what tells the beginning to every story… It’s up to you where that story will lead.” –me.

The past may be the past, but we lived in that past, and the past that once was will become recognized, if it has not already. It will not be viewed harshly as it should be. Every possible thing that occurs in life does so for a reason which only fate, or as some people come to say destiny, can tell. We live to forgive and forget, though nothing is truly forgotten. We are here to make mistakes then to learn from those mistakes; if one was to never make a mistake then they’re not truly living a life well lived.

“Welcome the future with open arms; embrace it like an old friend. Learn to forgive and forget the painful memories; keep your tears at bay; have faith in yourself and others. And mostly, remember that love and trust will always be your guiding light into the darkness.” –me.

“Everything happens for a reason; don’t underestimate those reasons… You live to forgive and forget and to move along with the life you’re leading. Therefore, with that said, don’t waste time with melodrama or pity arguments. Don’t put up with people who attempt to drag you down with them. Because I can guarantee that those people; the ones who try to play you like a cheesy board game are never worth a single breath escaping your lips. Those are the ones who will never find happiness, true happiness, bliss, No, they’ll forever be lonely. Keep moving forward, look onto brighter horizons. Love the ones you hold close to your heart. Cherish your children. Lead your own life, not someone else’s, nor let any other being lead yours. Smile. Kiss. Love. Trust. Be honest with yourself and with others. It’s all worth it in the end.” –me.

Maybe our largest mistake together was making stupid decisions when we met. We made the choice to fall in love, to date, to live together and try to be happy all within a mere week of meeting. In doing so, hearts wound up broken; smashed into stardust. Trust was ripped away and friends were lost.
This time, this time will be different. I, in this beginning, will tell you of me. I will tell you everything which has occurred throughout my life, it may be the past, but my past tells a lot of who I was which has made me, well, me. I will be bluntly honest with you. I will answer every question you could possibly fathom to ask me. It’s just, I don’t know where to begin…

“The past will never cease to constantly be snipping at your heels with every step you take; it’ll always be there to remind you who you are and what paths you’ve chosen to lead you to where you are. Don’t break promises, don’t break hearts, because it’s happened before; your sometimes overwhelming past can come toppling down on you at any given moment; so be careful. There’s no one who wants to slip, fall face first, losing all consciousness into what once was.” –me.

“People change… I’ve seen friendships fall apart and relationships destroyed. It happens. Truth hurts. People lie. People cheat. Everyone destroys someone else in some way, it’s an ever going cycle of life. Live your life. Even when something unexpected comes alone, enjoy it, love it. It’s all worth it in the end. I can promise you that.” –me.

“Not everyone can read me like a story book or a torn out page of your favorite fairy tale. There’s more to me then just that. My life, better yet, my story is more complicated then most may think.
I used to be the girl that you would see walking alone down the street at night, cigarette in hand, bag in the other, all the while letting the world completely pass me by. I was the girl with the electric green nail polish and nearly enough eyeliner on my eyes to last most girls the entire year. Though all I am to most is just another pretty face.
There’s always new lives forming, coming alive, seeing this rundown movie for the very first time. Then there are also lives ending, running away from a failing life. Praying that the next world is better then the one they left in their very wake.” –me.

Let’s begin like this; I am complicated, spontaneous, gullible, unnaturally trusting of others and a big ball of confusion at times. I care too much for others, even when they’ve chewed me up, spit me out and kicked me around in the dirt, I still care. I hand out second chances like a stranger hands children candy from his van. One would assume I would have learned my lesson of doing such nonsense, but nonetheless I continue to forgive too easily. My heart throbs when I am upset and feels as if it is going to burst wide open so all of the world can see. I have the unfortunate tendency to bottle up how I feel because my thoughts process too quickly and I become speechless because the words I am trying to speak just refuse to form into speech.

“Trust; it’s a highly important factor in ones life. I have very little for those I have met here, all except for one in which I trust completely with my life, my heart, my child… Yes, I may be very trusting, but that trust only lasts until you’ve broken it… Everyone of you thus far, besides that one person has broken my trust. So therefore those of you who broke my trust can go **** yourselves and relinquish yourselves from my life; it’ll be much better without you. And you know exactly who I’m referring to.” –me.

I fall in love too easily and too quickly; as you have first handily witnessed. I do intend for that to change, which, with my most recent excuse of a relationship I came to realize that it has changed. I never fell in love with him, I never had a true attachment, just annoyance. There is no excuse to why the relationship was even formed to begin with, let alone why it lasted more then a few short days. That relationship is over now, and that relationship will never get a second chance like others have.
I have changed; I’m no longer the person I once was. I still care and I still love, but I’m no longer the me I used to be. After our first run around, something switched off, or maybe even on inside me. I don’t fight, I may argue my point but it has no intentions to cause any harm. I began to communicate my feelings more, even though it seems to do no good.
I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and I look for the good in everyone, that’s why I constantly push and try so hard, to bring out the better and happier person in those I am trying to help. And it seems to be the people I end up dating are those I subconsciously am looking to help; I am drawn to those who are in dire need of change without ever realizing so. It’s like a test I’m giving, and so far everyone has failed. I feel as if I’m here to help others, to make their lives better even though sometimes it may not seem like I’m trying to help at all; but I really am.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I have had many bad run-ins in this short life I have lived thus far. I became pregnant at seventeen and I was far from ready to have a child of my own; I was still a child who needed to experience more of life before bringing another life into this cruel world. In result my child was removed from my care because I fell into the hands of disastrous acts. I met the wrong people whom only drug me down farther along with them. I fought and I fought to get her back in my arms, and after a year I finally did. Though now, I look at her and I feel as if she belongs to someone else. I don’t have the bond which I should have with my daughter and no matter what I try it just won’t spark. This is a terrible confession, but it is of the truth. I catch myself more and more looking at my baby and asking myself if this is really real. Asking myself where has time gone? I missed so much of her growing up that it’s tearing me to pieces now, years later. Nothing seems to be real anymore. I need that bond between me and my child more then I need anything else, because she is my shining light in this world.

“I can’t find reality; my reality has just become a non-stop ride through hell and back. Send someone to shine a light as bright as a shooting star so I can find my way back to what my reality should be realistically.” –me.

I, myself am indeed an open book, mostly unwritten. All you ever need to do is ask me questions… Tell me of yourself – open up to me completely; because if you can tell me everything and if you can tell me everything that has been hidden, I can do the same. Be adventurous with me, be spontaneous; do things you never thought you would fathom of doing. Live with an open mind to the future; because our future could be blindingly beautiful, and then again it could also be terribly tragic. Though we will never know until we try; that’s how life works, as you’re well aware.

Though I am afraid that the beginning is coming to a slow halt; so I am asking this of you – please consider being my partner in crime, to help me continue writing our story, our fairytale. It may be the most adventurous challenge we’ll ever come across in our lifetime.
I do hope I provided a well spoken beginning, telling of some, let’s say “important” points of me and my past. Just remember, I want to find what once was lost; I want it to be found properly from both parties involved. Maybe we’ll be some of the lucky ones who’ll, one day find true blissfulness; just maybe.


Your Perfect Stranger

What roads have we taken to lead us to where we stand today?
Why do we make the decisions we do and how is it we meet the people we meet?
It’s said that everything happens for a reason and those reasons are up to destiny to determine. Though there are those of us who question the logic behind the things that surround us; we question why we meet such people and why things happen in the order in which they do. Will there ever be accurate answers to the questions we desire to be answered most? In many ways I believe there will never be true answers to any questions; those answers lay far beyond, in a place we may never physically reach.

We meet people and we fall in love. We fall backwards out of love and headfirst into a broader future. We accumulate new friendships and new relationships. Those friendships and relationships diminish and evaporate into a far off past. Then stop. Press forward. Déjà vu. Repeat. Flashes of pictures, laughter, and hearing a smile in the voice of the one you held the closet to your heart. What are the odds one may ask. But it’s truth.
Never take loving someone as a responsibility; it’s a choice, and it’s a part of you as a person to love. There is not one person who has never felt love.