Someone stabbed me from behind,
they found it was my sweetheart,
I was thankful to her, as life was
demanding a price too much of late,

I wanted to believe it's her, and was glad,
I knew how much she loved me, to do this herself,
finding a solution to end the existential pain forever.
But when she came, in tears seeking forgiveness,
and my heart started to bleed, I was confused.

Not the face I saw, the world hides many things,
from me, I've been lovefooled again and again,
I thought her  words  were worth gold, a **** silly fool
She has been  slowly eating my soul, this fits me well!

Yesterday night
driving back,
from a party
where, I was
lonely in the crowd,
felt lost, disturbed
by the sound and fury
signifying nothing,
talking *******
little too much,
exasperated,
stopped
at a watering hole,
to feel once again
that I was still myself.
I sat lost in thoughts,
it felt good,
so went bit far, and then,
saw someone like you
sitting alone, looking at me ,
as if to recollect, who I was
with such keen interest.
For a moment
I forgot the time and place
and wondered:
"How could she forget me ever?"
*Someone like you ! how could I think?
there wasn't anyone like you, ever after.

Holiday crowd on the beach
                   watches, in horror,
one slowly walks in to the hands,
extended by merciful sea,
in a mission of self discovery.
Water inch by inch takes him in
when the eyes and ears becomes still
the sea sense takes over,
a new awareness prevails,
and what does he find, now?

The sea is full of voices of pain,
of souls abandoned in water, for ever,
water is full of life, invisible to human eyes,
near the shallow shore,
sitting on a kayak non existent,
an old fisherman laments:
"Dead and gone, in agitated sea, yet
I am  here, they don't count me "
And the girl, who was full of life and love,
her lover gifted her a watery grave,
her body thrown in to water,
floated and drifted around frenzied,
the sea is her home now,
love is the most hated word for her.

The sea then erupts as a cry
waves of tears, salty and thick swell.

Like a cloud,
         colored by sun,
            the way he wishes,
                as the day progresses
changing in to
myriad forms
in the hands of wind;
              love transforms,
           one to other
many splendors,
still a constant,
isn't it a wonder?

Your eyes
             like diving fishes
                   search my depths
through my eyes.
They playfully
splash and swish
       in mind's waters,
         causing a wistful feeling.
Your lips quiver,
          fluttering like a bird,
                       that wants to fly
and sit at the top branch-
my expectant heart.
                

1
In petrified personal history
far back in a page, this image-
a boy, eyes shut
lays supine embraced by
mother earth.A wakeful dream.
His bare body, smells
sweat, hay, mud, pollen
and grasshopper songs,
resonating in his ears still,
the sacred morning mantras;
his Hindu mother's incessant chants-
to appease mother earth.
* Shanthi..Shanthi..Shanthi
Peace descends on magical wings.

2
He feels time standing still
like trees frozen on a windless morn,
Earth was the mother, the presence,
that poured in to consciousness
music without sound,
an warm embrace without touch,
that painted the inner world with
her myriad colors.

3
Earth where secrets spurt, spread and die down as ashes,
my windy bed, gentle balm, end of every hunger,
I've dug deep in to yielding earth,
on those days of rustic childhood,
in a frenzied exploratory spirit,
prompted by a deep primordial urge,
that kept churning my dark inner caves,
with unknown currents, perhaps a wish
to go back as far  as possible,
to the past and find the nest where memories slept,
where my history lay buried in layers,
unhatched eggs of dinosaur past,
waiting to be discovered,
by the probing hands of present and future.
Perhaps a desire to reconnect with past,
now crusted secrets of an uncertain time,
that would talk to me in cryptic codes
of life, death and transcidence
and in a flash reveal what it all means
to an intergalactic traveler on eternity's wings.

4
My eager body gets smeared with soft earth,
covered at places with sticky mud that exudes
a sensuous scent,
                           feel of a woman, that takes one
to the unreal plane of a savage urge,
that arises from depth, a yearning to melt in to her,
to give birth to a future that would bring back
in a new form, the histories of yore,
on   the starting point once again.

5
Earth, is the sensuous woman, I relentlessly seek,
the destination of my destiny in the end,
the womb, where seeds of my dreams take root,
when I come back to her, to create me all over again,
with her elements, minerals and salts.
                            

the blank page holds nothing,
but water stains and empty words.
so why does everyone compare life to this?
(so why can i make no sense of it?)
fill it with dreams and aspirations, advice
and lessons learned, admirers and lovers,
enemies and relatives.
still, the page is ashy, and the ink stains, soaks.
i try to write on my blank page,
(but i draw a blank)
all i have is unreachable heights,
a demon encircling my throat,
men with too many teeth.
each day i throw away the blank pages away,
and each day i try to scribble something new.
the words are *****. vile and grotesque.
(i must throw it all away)
i'm trying again, tonight.
(maybe it's all about timing)
but so far, the words are useless.
tightening me, closing
until all
that's
left
is
ink.

across the gully is another place
a different world with silver roughbarked trees
where stubborn beasts resist you on their knees
while walls and fences leave a proper trace
for those bewildered nature shows her face
in complicated motions that each sees
in the raw colours and the harsh decrees
that come upon us with the morning's grace
so this is recollection of the sight
from high above broad river as the grey
of false dawn marks the ending of the night
but here and now the moment cannot stay
we've paid hard cash for all that we have lost
and got no credit for the hills we've crossed