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For centuries
my weary soul's
been swallowin' grey-faced spirits whole.

But the porcelain broke
between the lips
I feel dusky fingertips.

I have short moments,
one brief farewell
before I place my sins in hell.

Stranger please--
lend me your ear,
I've become what I most fear.

I know there's no
such thing as ghosts
but I have seen the demon host.
Have you ever heard of aura?
Where they mistakenly understood it's something great that people just admire you
When the truth is it's just a condition, symptom or abnormal feeling
Where you feel it, it's been like in a dream, an insidious lucid dream
The hallucination before the black out, while living the bitter reality.

And sometimes you feel like you want to be part of it
To forget the real world, be in there, like euphoria
Without association to drugs or depression or as what is bad
Just you, and your alone time, catching dream, sail away and drown into your own feeling.

Believe me, that's one way you might need to find serenity.
Save her once
save her twice
what value do we ever
put on a life

Skip a beat
miss a heart
she always knows the way
to resuscitate me

Her face a
picture of caress
it holds me close to
those havens safe

Her touch is
lightening deep in
my soul that craves her
living open soul

It crashes through
the empty pain
numb I come alive in
a force unmistaken

Don't leave me
the broken girl
for she promises to live
as long as
you
       love
               her

Empty hearted
numb and dumb
save me one last time
fight is all she can promise

Set me free
from the monster
under my bed
that keeps the voices
company in my head

Needy and desperate
crying to you silently
free me
free me
set
      me
             free

She doesn't need saving,
she is strong enough
but she loves like no other
can't fight that feeling
of needing
the love
of
another.


© Sia Jane
First month, first seat change. we were on opposite sides, no interaction. I relish this, i am not a
BOLD or EXTROVERTED person
some might say I am shy or introverted
now that the time has come, I am not ready to change seats,
to take the chance of sitting closer, forced interaction,
I am nervous,
but am calmed with the thought that chances are, we'll be seated even farther apart,
I was wrong.
our elbows will brush, our knees will touch, our gazes will meet.
I hear the words coming out of the teachers mouth,
but  am stunned into silence ,
my whole being shaken,
our names are called,
our seats given.
To some, this may seem silly, immature, an overreaction.
For them, this may be true, in this situation calm, collected, thinking: this is no big deal.
But with dread curdling in your stomach as you snap to,
stumbling to your seat,
this is an earthquake shaking the earth, a volcano spitting ashes,
a panic attack waiting to happen.
and it pounces.
seated, trying not to squirm, to shake, to ****;
wondering what he's thinking, trying not to stare.
he thinks you don't see,
the glances he shoots the short foot between you,
thinks your engrossed in the teacher, the clock, the pencil
any thing but him.
But your any thing but engrossed, you see every shake, gaze,
fell every brush of the hand.
Finally, this long hour is over, the mixture of excitement and torture has come to an end.
As is to be expected, on your way still in has gaze, you trip, you stumble, your face cherry red;
embarrassed, but thankful,
that he doesn't have a class with an even more abundant chance of embarrassment.
over the day,
you forget the way he gazes,
his shy way
different from the others,
the way he's taller,
in a way that makes you feel safe, flushed, happy, even if their is no chance of him being yours.
But then lunch comes,
you sit down,
ready to devour food that can only fill your stomach, not your soul as much as you wish it would, or
could;
but looking across,
you spot him, watching you,
his gaze surpassing the walls of people, as much as a shy person wouldn't like,
is it coincidence that he found the one gap with a view of me?
is he staring at me?
what to do?
with all this questing running your mind,
your appetite flee's,
and so do I,
to my safe haven within the books.
tomorrow, the nervousness has subsided, its over, your over, its done.
but then, on the way to first period,
our paths cross,
glances exchanged,
blushes made.
You know that this is not over, not done,
the time has come for class to begin.
I've tried to forget, to overcome this nervousness, but I've been defeated,
ground to a fine powder of nerves by a crush.
our knees bounce in anticipation,
our pencils tap,
our feet twitch.
time to share the book,
the dreaded closeness.
Finally it happens,
the brush of the elbows.
we both feel it,
the sparks that glow blue,
the cheeks that grow red.
we have been given a gift, a chance,
to overcome shyness,
to create something wonderful.
but to take that chance, to accept this gift means time, courage.
and every day until then,
this tension will be relieved
and i will be a nervous wreck.
We started on opposite sides,
but fate pulled us together, forced a chance.
now we sit close, still tense, still wired,
but strangely happy,
exhilarated,
alive.
to this day, he still sits in the gap :)
Do not look for your youth in me
All you will find is a grayed wizened tree
In the middle of the forest, hollow and empty
Surrounded by lush, younger, greener saplings
Amara Pendergraft 2013
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