I have a gender. I was born a woman therefore I have fear.

I have fear. I am taught at a young age to fear the monsters that come out at night, on the street corners and in dark allies.

I have a particular monster. When I was 11 I was diagnosed with anxiety, a fire that becomes uncontrollable at times.

I have a home. To get to this home I have to walk multiple blocks at night.

I have a phobia. This phobia includes those who walk behind me, and those who walk too close.

I have rationality. I am told I am rational for fearing those who surround me as I walk home.

I have what is expected of me.  By society I have expectations of what I am supposed to look and act like to be considered a successful woman.

I have a roommate. This roommate smokes to curve hunger and in her cigarette burns more than ash but less of what she desires.

I have a mother whose wrinkles are beautiful and tell stories. These wrinkles tell the story of every smile she gave and every laugh she enjoyed, but she is told they are ugly and she covers them day after day.

I have ears. With these ears I hear women telling themselves they aren’t good enough.

I have eyes. With these eyes I see my own reflection and try and see myself as less of an image, or reflection, and more as a person.

I have mind. With this mind I create a vision of a place where people hear what I say instead of seeing what I wear.

I have a life. With this life I want change.

I just woke up,
Actually
I never fell asleep.
My nightmares kept me awake
Of things that seem to deep.

I was cutting off my skin,
Slitting off the pain.
I was jumping from a building,
Hoping to feel sane.

I was throwing up my dinner,
Heaving felt like fires.
I was bleeding in the bathroom floor,
Blood pouring out all of my desires.

I was running away,
A man was chasing me.
He pinned me down,
Took of my pants,
And started thrusting.

I'll never understand my dreams,
Only what they mean so,
I'm certainly not scared of dying,
But only of the way that it would go.

I would want to live a long life,
Die of old age, or as a martyr.
Not from ****,
Cutting till death,
Of anything of that sort.
I want to die,
Because I've lived
To much.
I want to be worthy,
Of eternal living.

Because one life isn't enough.

My real emotion and feelings hide,
I struggle to keep it all inside.
Behind the words of discontent,
Behind the voice of dissonance.
Behind the scent of false allure,
Behind the scope of what's impure.
Behind the hopes that never last,
Behind the fears from my past.
Behind the smile of a million lies,
Behind the glance of sullen eyes.
Behind it all you may finally see,
The struggle that rages inside of me.

Lets Slow It Down
Don't Dance To Fast
Cause This Song You Are Listening To Is Not An Endless Track
It Will Stop
And It Will End
And You Will Soon Realize That You
Danced A Little To Fast

They say you wish upon a star...
But, darling, how do I know there’s a star for me?
Or for you?
You see, there are just so many stars
so many people
so many wishes, darling,
How do I know which one is for us?

I know that,
if I had a wish,
I would wish not for a big house
nor money
nor the ability to fly,

but

I would wish for
your happiness, darling,
Because that’s all I really want.

But,

if there isn’t a star for us,
I ask for your heart, darling,
Because then, I can nurture you
love you
make you happy,

And then,

With your heart and your happiness,
I won’t need a star to wish upon.

Because you, darling,
you will be my star.

And broad Heaven’s stars will smile down on us below:
Our Own Heaven reflected in their eyes
while your eyes will shine more brightly than all of them:
We are Forever, darling.

You know that feeling
when you see something that truly speaks to you
and your heart bursts with adrenaline?

*You.