as a child, i was more of a
hide-and-seek kind of girl;
i had no mind for playing
pretend.  

yet here i am now, and these
past three months have been
my greatest show yet--

but ****,

               where
      have
                                 you
                                             gone?

because i've been seeking for too long,
and i can't find you anywhere.

I remember the night we tried and tried.
And woke up with a silvery glow because despite
our trying there was too much there for us to deny.

I remember carving ourselves into the city streets.
We were the space between the moon and the sun.

I remember ignoring the warning burns and creating sparks anyway.

I remember the sleepy songs, and how you never used to sleep.

I remember how we laughed and walked and lay and ate hot food and bit and scratched and flew and wore no clothes and ached and healed and loved.

I remember trying to imagine a world with no air.

I remember learning how to be still, and I remember how when I’m in your arms I feel at home.

I put walls up,
   not to keep people out,
      but to see who cares enough to knock them D
                                                               ­                     O
                                          ­                                          W
                     ­                                                                N

You know how you try to hold water in your hands
but the water always slips away?
And then you try and try and try
to make sure the water doesn't slip away.

It's never ending,
no matter how many times it slips away,
the next time we try,
we would do it again and again to make sure it doesn't.

Maybe it's the same for love.
Well,
similar
not same.

When you try to hold love in your hands,
no matter how big your hands are
or how tightly your fingers are put together
love will still slip
through those small little gaps
you will never be able to cover.

But as love slips,
unlike water,
it leaves a
wound
scratch
abrasion.
And even if time heals them
the next time we try to hold love in again
it will still slip away
leaving us with
hurt
agony
pain.

That's how love works,
merciless with side effects like
rejection
conflicts
misunderstandings
over thinking
over caring
leaving you with indescribable pain.

But at the end of the day
the love left in your palms
is the love we deserve
for trying so hard