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I speak normally when in the company of normal people who enjoy normal things.
I speak inappropriately with my friends.
I think incoherently in my head and when I begin to drink too much cheap whiskey I talk to myself in bathrooms.

When I write I attempt to speak eloquently but I can't do that when I speak in bathrooms
or in my head
or with my friends
or when in the company of normal people who enjoy normal things

                                         so I usually just go to sleep.

In my dreams I speak to children
and monsters
and ex-girlfriends.

I don't know why I speak so many different ways to so many different people.

I want to speak with my hands but they refuse to speak with me. My hands only speak to the women who I hint at love with. I don't know what my hands say but it must not be very nice because the women eventually stop hinting back.

I want to teach my hands to speak kindly and warmly, but not sweatily, and to only occasionally speak the way I do with my friends.
I won't easily forget the way her lips curled when she smiled, or her green eyes which pierced through mine -- successfully interrupting any thought I was supposed to have at that moment.

Even beauty pays a **** high price, however, when paired with the certain death of differing intentions, and we were in no place to bargain. That leaves me now with the slowly fading memory of her soft red hair twisted gently around my fingertips and the array of colors in her bedroom which greeted me as I not-so-willingly awoke to her alarm on those icy cold winter mornings. However I am also aware that I would do well to put these memories to rest, so as to allow for a beauty who aligns more properly with a path I intend to follow.
She died as she lived: surrounding
herself in someone else's
d
i
[       ]
r
t
I spent some time on the river and for awhile told people I was a sailor.
I casually explained how I spent my days surrounded by nothing but the blue; battling creatures of the deep and Mother Nature herself in her greatest venue.
But that was only my imagination.

I walked in the woods by my house for an afternoon and for awhile told people I was a hunter.
I recalled times where I'd spent days on end stalking my prey, moving swiftly and silently through the colossal forests I'd grown to call my home; relying solely on myself and my primal instincts to stay alive.
But that was only my imagination.

I wrote some words and for awhile told people I was poet.
I regaled them with elaborate stories woven with imagery and emotion, which were crafted with the greatest of ease. I revealed that with a simple tale I could draw a tremendous crowd, and have the children laughing while the adults sat misty-eyed, reminiscing on days past.
But that was only my imagination.

I considered giving the vagrant on my corner some change and for awhile told people I was a famous tycoon.
I briefly described my youth spent earning my millions with a cutthroat ferocity, but also how I was now defined by my remarkable philanthropy. I was adored by the masses for my role as a model of charity.
But that was only my imagination.

I spent some time with a girl and for awhile told myself I was in love.
I knew that we were happy and nothing would ever change. I dreamed that our love would grow with each and every passing day, while we grew old in each other's embrace.

                                     But that too was only my imagination.
Her blood is on my hands as I slowly pull the life out of her.

I can hear her howl as she curses the pain
I feel the power course through her body like crashing waves as she struggles through this ancient ritual
Each labored breath is taken strategically and deliberately, and with it a crescendo begins; initiated by a ****** prior
Rising now, steadily, as steam off a ***.
Boiling.
Screaming.
Screaming.

Cut.

A soft cry.

A steady stream of congratulations and oxytocin.

A baby is born.
Some people fear creatures
Others phantoms and ghosts
Put aside all these worries
and you'll see what frightens me most

Is not anything corporeal
No, nothing you can see
What scares me the most
is the disapproval of a younger me
I am singing you this song to let you know you're not alone
That I was wrong, you were right
It was dumb to try and fight the rising tides of all my lies

But oh my dear to my surprise
Little less, a little more
I found you standing in my door

So we can dance till 3 am
and I'll let you know who I really am

If nothing more
When the morning comes
We'll be back again, my love.

My love...
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