She said,
"You're not the man I knew. We are not the same and we can not go back.
I don't want to hurt you, but you know how this has to end."

The lights fade, she won't be back.

I know I wasn't perfect but now you've made me utter ****.
I am so much worse now than before and I'm so glad I have you to blame.
So I'll use this bottle to fade the lights

Go to black, go to black, to black...

The world is spinning, the world is spinning, spinning...

But I AM STILL.

This is your fault.
*******.
**** the world.
It's all on them.
Take me back.
I hate you.
Please call.
Die.

Drink.
Forget.
Repeat.

Oh God.
It was me.
And it always will be until I fix it.

"I like this girl": the most frightening proclamation my mind can make.
For you see once I do land upon that revelation, my brain becomes a ticking clock until the day it all dies.

I can make you like me. I've done it before and I'll do it again.
For some people, that is the only issue but for me I can do it without much thought.

What I can't do is make you stay. I can have you telling me that I mean the world to you, and I can tell you the same thing.

Sometimes I might even be telling the truth.

But no matter the situation there will come a day where you will walk out that door
and never come back.

So what do I do?
Should I lie in bed and wait for the world to either end or come to me?
Should I write some sappy ******* line and just stare at my notebook?
Should I go out and show the world what I can do?
What can I do?

I don't give two *****.
I'm 19. Do you hear me? 19. The world isn't ******* ending tomorrow.
I like this girl. 1st grade math was more complicated than this.
So, I don't care how long you decide to stay. I'm just happy you came over.
I'm not hopeless, just romantic and these days my time is spent thinking about you,
so let's end this charade and see what happens.

And I'm not trying to write this just to sway your mood or decisions.
I'm just saying that if we were colors, I'd be blue and you'd be yellow.
Not because they go together or some nonsense like that, but because "***** it, we're colors, the world is a better place"

I guess what I'm trying to get at is life's short.
I can sit here all day and whine and be mad at all the shortcomings in my life and I can try to rationalize where I've gone wrong and how to change you

but then I'd probably miss a whole bunch of yellows.

"What are you doing up?", she said.
"Listening to music; atoning for my sins"
Nothing good happens after 1 am
Followed shortly by time spent drowning out the silence and finding out who I am.

This is the first time I've written all year
I drove down to the library today
I sat in the car for half an hour before enough was enough
I haven't seen you since Tuesday and I'm leaving later tonight

"You're my rock", she said.
Let's hope the stories aren't true and I don't sink

Only fools fall in love and I'm stuck with a bunch of high schoolers in a jester's hat.

I listened to Local H on the ride to meet you
We listened to Jack on the way back
You can pick the songs on the radio
and I'll try and find the words I can sing to you

You can pick the time that I can meet you
and I'll try and find a way so that I can keep you

Oh God.
The noises, the voices.

Where have they gone?

To drive them away is the insanity
Utter madness in the false name of serenity.

Here and there.
In the trees.
In the basements.
On the road.
On the couches.
At 2 A.M.
In the dead of night.
The same places they've always been.

Still searching.
The noises, the voices.

Oh God.

Oh what can be said about the past 18 months is nothing more than the muttering of an unintelligible lie about how great things went.

As I saw you last night,
with your sleeves pulled up to your knuckles as they always were,
which when placed next to your face seemed like some half-minded effort to conceal the emotions which your ever-changing eyes always betrayed, the swirl of emotions in my head raged ever violent.

You have the same attractive qualities as a car crash, and you slowed me down on my journey in just the same way.

Our relationship is like a dance;
With graceful motions drawing us ever closer
It's just I've never heard this music before
and I'm doing my best to stay in step.

I'm bound to **** up.
But please don't give up on me yet.
When this story finds its end please know that through it all I swear I was trying.

Just don't give up on me yet.