electric is the feeling
I have for you

we should get it on
we should get it going

baby
baby
the current is a glowing

The pen is mightier
Than the sword
But what to consider
The keyboard?

How many stanzas
Phrases
Words
Must I conflate
To imbue in you
My love?

Is there no panacea,
No way for me to convey
The hold on my soul?
My heart
My being~
Such dulcet thoughts!
Your eyes,
{My cynosure}

Pure felicity
So lovely
A million ships at the ready
The cue being
the sight of your smile.
Helen is such a fugacious
Pipe dream fixation
When compared to your gaze

Until then,
Try as I might,
The depth of my feelings
Remains the deep ocean
Only a ripple wavers
At your knees
The rest waiting
For the Golden Bird
Of language
To release it's curse
Mere English isn't sufficient.

Whimpers, woefully woven,
Can cry sheets of silk.

Made into a duvet, doomed,
Whispering chills in a silent din.

Icey cold, like daggers against skin,
Carving from the warmth it would once bring.

Solace, Silence and Serenity,
All seem to define this reality.

Imprisoned, within these four walls,
I weave my whimpers through tomorrow...

I will weave my whimpers,
But I will learn to sew.

My heart is hidden deep in a dungeon
locked thirteen ways for the occasion
of when I see your face for the first time
and I know I cant call you mine,
but I want to.
I need to.

I've been thinking this through:
you saved my heart from my deep rooted sub-conscience
that reminds me everyday that I am not wanted,
but you changed that
you gave me a chance at bat,
and I swung so hard just to impress you,
but when was the day that all fell through?
The day when you began to ignore me?
What happened to the heart that set me free?
Did it run and hide when **** got old?
Or did it hate always being told
that "you are my only one"?
When was the day you thought I am done?

Your memories haunt me
like a shadow on a street,
but you still have the audacity to say
"You are not worth any time in my day,"
and that's when I realized: this is it.
You were never my perfect fit
just another piece to the puzzle of life,
but I need you to know that I tried with all my might
to make you the one.
To make you my sun.
To make you the air I breathe.
All I wanted was to hear, "You're all I need."

I was living in a fairytale spun with lies and lore
thinking this is not what life is for.
There has to be something more
why else is life full of open doors?
So many opportunities that have slipped from my hands
because my wrists were wrapped with bands
holding me back from everything that could have been
and all I needed was for you to be my friend,
but you couldn't even do that
what happened to my chance at bat?
My voice screams without making a sound
because silence was the only thing cherish-able you found;
that was fine with me
as long as you continued to set me free,
but you locked me away without even giving me the time of day
you wonder why I cheated?
I was so defeated.
I needed that feeling of being freed once again.
I needed my friend.
You were nowhere to be found
and because I was so used to making no sound
I couldn't scream for help
even though pain was all I felt.

I needed you,
but you fell through.
When the days turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months and then into years
I hope that I am not formulated into one of your fears,
but rather a key
that will eventually help set you free
from the dungeon you've hidden yourself in.

At the time,
I didn’t realize how much you were mine.

I let you go thinking nothing of it;
now I’m constantly reminding my mind to submit
to the pain I brought upon myself
consumed by this empty wealth
called Freedom.

Code Name: Loneliness.
With my selfishness,
I should’ve expected nothing less.

Sleep deprived.
Its 2.30 in the morning
and im smiling to myself like an idiot over someone else’s love story.
Sometimes I fear the closest I will ever get to the feeling of love or being loved will always be found in written words or acted out in movies.
Pure and typical escapism at its best.
Always trying to find a way to have something you always crave for deeply.
When the world is telling you no
you need to be a strong independent woman and all you do is end up relying on others for this sort of love they can give you.
Which you cannot give yourself.
It’s rather sad really seeing as the truth is we all die alone.
We humans always crave something we cannot have
when we have what we believe is everything we end up being wrong.
Money cant buy you everything.
Love can’t get you everything.
Having a lot of friends doesn't necessarily mean you are liked and will be remembered.
So if you could live as a strong independent being would you?
Or do you secretly like this graving for attention, affection?  
Yet at the same time it hurts just like having that last piece of cheese cake when you know you shouldn't.
You will feel worse afterwards for breaking your so called diet
But you really want them few minutes of pleasure that you dearly miss.
When that cheesecake rests in your mouth.
Until the last bite and then its gone
and all that is left is that feeling of regret and guilt.

A lot can happen in four years
I whispered while your fingers were in my hair.
The night was calling us together, time threw us in a moment
where neither of us had an answer to why you called
or why I came
to find myself in your single bed with feet that hang off the end
letting you pull my clothes off with those hands
that always know how to hold me
slipping your fingers right between the space of my ribs.
I paint words on your neck with my lips
that envelop how beautiful I know you are.
You don't think you'll come back?
I tried to walk around the world enough times
in that moment, in my mind
to tell you something you'd want to hear
but all I got were ***** soles and a steamy kiss
to cradle the shake in your spine-
Not even for me?
whiskey, whiskey, whiskey
I don't even know what will happen to me.
So I just hold you enough times until the truth settles,
until the realization has become a manifestation
of tossing and turning together in your bed
wrapping around the heart-shaped symbol of love in our heads.

A lot can happen in four years
I weaved around the promise in your brain.
You retraced the curves of my neck with your hands,
pulling me in so we wouldn't feel so lonely.
And even though we can't admit in the denial
that we were spreading around each other
in a pretty suspension of how we wish
things could eventually work out,
we understand how hard it will be to take
waiting for the other after all that time.
Not even for me?
whiskey, whiskey, whiskey
we just healed the break with a kiss
as we spent another night trying to forget we were real,
masking on our own graduating fears
A lot can happen in four years.

I cannot stay up too late by myself.
If I do, all the bad thoughts come
and the sadness expands, and floats
and explodes.
I think of all the flaws, how I am always
the giver.
how the future is so close, yet I can’t
make a path
(of any sorts)
how my scars will never truly fade.
I think of how I am always the one who
loves more.
and I think of people. and how someone is
awake. and breathing. and dying. and having
breakfast, right now. half away across the world.
I think of how we are all just a bunch of stars,
and I think of how we’re all just crashing into
each other.
(over and over and over)

I cannot stay up so late, with the night being
my only companion.
so I sleep.
because sleep is always more welcoming than
reality.