don't be fooled by this white dress
these curves and lines
in truth, I am wearing autumn
colourful coats, wind at the feet
waving dark golden hair
got caught in her adorable breath
her face blooming with wisdom
gracefully she walks in
bringing with her the cold
that goes into my hands
and I hide them
in the pockets of my coat
drying my hair in the wind
drinking from her well
thinking through her slightly
melancholic mind
for you see, I am always wearing autumn

so many crickets
willing to speak after the storm
beneath the soil
roots explore the wet blackness
searching for water
and a source of life
you can never tell
what the flood will wash ashore
the waves keep erasing the tracks
without a question
for their passion is infinite
and their love bigger than the sky
sometimes fog
makes you see things clearer

I see your heartbeat in every man
and I can hear your mind
even though you hide
behind the sun.
You disappear
into places of mystery    
where you survive
inside your fun.

You see yourself
as the lost make believe
and leave no room for reality
to ever be the same.
All those bridges you are burning
have you drowning
inside of your
own shame.

You want to vanish
into a spiraling truth
and be heard
by your feelings
while reaching out.  
There is no such thing as honor
when sitting on a velvet seat
where you only shout.

Your tears will soon pass
when you think
of the anticipation
of the dreams you had
in your cradle.  
Harmony breathes in a quiet breath
lasts forever
if it is able.

I want a break.
Just a day spent in silence, away from the world.
No one, not even myself.
I wish I could just isolate my mind from my body for just a day.
No one I'm forced to interact with, no one to give a fake emotion to.
For just a **** day I want someone to care about me. To see past the walls I build to meet their needs, and see I'm unhappy too. We're all unhappy.
I'm sick of being a friend.
I want to play the victim for a change.
I don't give a **** about your problems, I have my own. But I take the time to make your problems mine to help you through.
Why can't I just be my own everything?
No one can care about me the way I do, or see when something is actually wrong. But how could they? I always seem so strong. Everyday is a different suicide note that I'm too cowardly to sign.
But lord knows I'm tired of hurting, stressing, settling.
Just tell me why my hurt matters the least when I work the hardest, give the most.
If this is what all of life is like, just drop me off here.
I'm dying in a self preservation society.
There's no one left to care about me, not even me.

I ruminate confined in my white room
about what is too much to now confide,
in you, the she who left more than perfume.
Forgive me if these words seem qualified:
It only took one week of sleep by you...
habitualized embracing through a dream.
and now deprived of contact all night through,
tonight is longer than all nights beside you seem.
Despite your sweet suggestions, I can't sleep,
I think a thousand thoughts all at one time-
So, though I need not hours we tried keep,
I'll use them now to write you verse and rhyme.
It seems there's nothing else that I can do,
for while I toss and turn, thoughts turn to you.

Light with crawling arms as a reflection on a white wall.

A morning star like the ones on my ceiling at night.

Giving borrowed light to fight the monsters.

Imaginative child seeing a man with a knife instead of a clothes hanger, a T-Rex where the swings should be.

Afraid at night and quiet by day.

The most sensitive boy you’ll ever meet changing into a heartless ******* with no

memories

of

hugs

from

his

mother.

Monsters everywhere, it’s like he’s one of them.

Aggressive

sad

lonely

caveman.

Today my eyes are sore,
swollen with the promise of tears if anyone gets too close.

And I keep thinking about you,
as the winter sky presses down on me
and I know I’m not okay.

The remittent sadness is back,
proclaiming itself to be the king of my land,
my body,
my mind.
It plants ugly flowers in my rib cage,
watering them with it’s early morning rain.
And I know,
that tomorrow when I wake,
for a split second I will forget this loneliness,
but then I won’t.
And the dread will kick in
kicking my sleep drenched euphoric thoughts into reality.
And then my brain will say,
‘Oh, I woke up alive again’.

But most of all,
my heart will say,
‘don’t’.

My eyes are sore today,
you know this,
I know this
and I am thinking of you a million miles away
and a bird knocks on my window
and then everything is silent
and that’s when the loneliness gets too close

*and I cry.