I walk in angry winds on a shadow bled morning
as my heart falls in pieces, scattering atop
fractured dreams of yesterday’s questions
waiting in the dark corners of doubt

Storms release their fervid torrents
dousing the flames of affection
and broken matchstick desires
in between ash stained rock and earth

Gathering twisted twigs that spell out
only what my breath reveals,
sitting in a pile alone at the edge,
curved lines of missing you
  
Staring up at the charcoal heavens,
memories I count abort the night sky,
falling in tears of words ending
in whispers you’ll never hear

It’s not déjà vu,
if it were
there would be a chance
it had never happened before,
that it is only my imagination

But it has
and it is,
she's gone, again
it haunts me,
my heart's nightmare
with my eyes wide opened
and I wish
I could shut them
I wish I could

It's not déjà vu
it's happening again

I wish my life was déjà vu
if it were
there would be a chance
it had never happened before
that it is only my imagination

Never,
will I meet her
Never,
see her smile
Never,
hold her in my arms
for just a little while

Never,
will I kiss her
Never,
touch her skin
Never gaze into her eyes
and feel the love within

Never,
wil I hold her hand
Never,
smell her hair
Never,
whisper in her ear
how much I truly care

Never,
will it happen
Never,
it shall be
Forever,
I will just sit here,
this hollow shell of me

I looked up at the moon this morning
The sky was hazy, I could just barely see
its very faint glow through the clouds
It appeared sad to me
So I asked, “Why so sad Mr. Moon?”
It replied, “Because I am up here all alone
I have no life, no happiness and no one to love me”
Then it asked, “Why are you so sad Mr. Chris?”
I looked around my hazy world, my heart was
clouded with barely a glow,
then answered, “Because I am you Mr. Moon”

I wish I were deaf
so that I could not hear
your heart breaking because of me

I wish I were blind
so that I could not see
the tears I have caused on your face

I wish I were dumb
so that I, oh wait,
I’ve already got that one covered

It was a chance meeting,
we took a chance
knowing chances were
there was a chance
we’d fall in love,
if given half a chance
and if by some slim chance
I may take this chance to ask

Please allow me another

chance

It’s raining dumb in my part of the world
and every cloud has my name on it
Puddles on fractured sidewalks
reflect saturated idiocy
As drops fall like bullets,
shot from fog induced accusations
Each one hitting the wrong target
because I am still here
and I am not hard to miss

I am the one on my knees

Sometimes I can be so very stupid
Sometimes I speak before I think
Sometimes I listen to the wrong part of me
Sometimes I act like an ***
Sometimes I don’t use common sense
Sometimes I see more in things than there really is
Sometimes I hurt the one person I love
Sometimes I bring pain to her without trying
Sometimes I am such a fool
Always I am sincerely sorry

If only I were important
The sunrise would matter
I could wake with a smile
Reliving the dreams of the night before
Looking forward to a new day
Of fresh air filled with
Springtime fragrances

But I stay here beneath these covers
Hidden from the light
Eyes swollen shut from tears
Thoughts screaming in my mind
So loudly that sleep
Does not come easy
because I am not

If only I were important
I could live
But I am not

The door was locked
So I  knocked

You opened it up
Then you could see
You thought it was him
But saw it was me

You were shocked
The door was locked

Why?

Why do you deny yourself
something you’ve wanted
for so long?

Why do you run from dreams
even when you see
they can come true?

Why do you ignore the words
coming from your heart
when it is pleading with you?

Why do you hide from happiness
knowing it is waiting
to bring a smile to your face?

Why do you abandon love
that touches every part of you
in its truest form?

Why don’t you do something
for you?

Why do I keep asking myself these questions?

Why am I asking you?

I can still see the lines
in the dirt
of the long
laces dragging
behind those loose fitting
high tops you wore
when you walked
all over me

Springing forth
in the upheaval of truth
Leaving the lies
where they began
when you said
"I love you"
and I
believed you