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Chris Balase Jul 2020
I wonder what she's doing tonight?
I know, this feeling ain't right
The memories we shared keep haunting
those promises of love everlasting

Each night I cry to God for relief
to ease the pain of this unsung grief
I can find no  rest, I have no cure
for our love may not be perfect, but it was pure.

I'm sorry, I can't let you go
I pretended to be strong, but it's all a show
so as long as I can wish upon a star so bright
I'll keep wondering... what you're doing tonight.
115 · Aug 2019
There will always be a void
Chris Balase Aug 2019
Don't stare at me now
with those eyes that pierce my shallow soul
For with the same breath and length
you WILL also hurt my all

Never try to attempt to fill my hole
lest in your heartless, selfless mind
ploy to gut out my innermost self
leaving me nothing behind.

Ah! the pain in my past is catching
upon my saddened life rebuild
neither having nor losing you  
will suffice my void unfilled
Leave now
Lest my heart be tricked
that loving and being loved by you
Will make my heart fulfilled
114 · Oct 2020
Linger
Chris Balase Oct 2020
Last night
was painfully beautiful
your lips
were as tender, as fragile
as your heart

I have seen
your darkness
a glimpse of your sorrow
yet you still draw me in
deeper into you abyss

Last night
was painfully beautiful
one feeling that I
long to linger
in my frailty.
110 · Apr 2020
wish
Chris Balase Apr 2020
Let me speak about my loss
One last time
In this poetry which I dedicate
To Flor.

How I now dread the day I was born
For it is when you bid farewell
For my stenched heart, now awfully scorned
Is now creeping back to its broken shell.

I am weaker now than before we met
More scared to face each passing day
I admit I've said things that I regret
Now it seems like this hurt is the only way.

I wish not of forgiveness for the both of us
I wish not of happines too
I wish not of restoration of trust
But I wish that I haven't met you.

For this, had crumbled me beyond repair
One that I can no longer take
No more pieces to build, my house in despair
This void is too much for my mistake.
99 · Feb 2020
My latest heartache
Chris Balase Feb 2020
I took my heart and brought it to her, she said she'll take care of it and welcomed my shattered pieces. She brought me joy every day. We walked the highways and the byways, holding each other in agreement that we will continue to trod this life together...

Then I looked at my side and she was no longer there...
I looked around and she was nowhere to be found...

I held her too tight,
Clinged too much,
And devoted too seriously...

Now,
My heart wanders
My soul searches,
My ears intently listens...

But she is gone.

Like my breath that she took with her,
Like my heartbeat that she dragged along with her,
Like my hopes that she both gave and shattered.

This is the deepest pain I've felt because for once in a very long time, I thought otherwise.

I understand all of these,
Her reasons,
Her past,
Her pain,
Her own troubled journey,
And the weight I had added to it...

I understand, but I can't accept.

I cannot accept the fact that when things go hard, people let go.

People let go.
Let go...
97 · Jul 2020
Too
Chris Balase Jul 2020
Too
I'm not a nice guy because I have to be. I am a nice guy by choice.

Make no mistake
I have seen the darkness in my mind
I have searched for the monster within
I have allowed our souls to entwine
instead of trying to fight and win.

Make no mistake.
That my kindness is but a choice
My goodness is but an objection
My gentleness, my calm voice
are selected impulses, not a reaction.
46 · Jun 18
BRAVE
Chris Balase Jun 18
Though my hands falter, and memory fades, though silence mocks what time once praised— still I press on, a nameless mason, laying truths I carved from shame.

I raise no banner, claim no throne, but whisper into winds unknown: “If not for glory, then for grace, that one may rise from this same place.”

Let ashes speak where tongues fall still, and let these stones outlast my will. For in the dusk of spent desire, a single spark can birth a fire.

So let these hands, though bruised and worn, etch quiet hope in break of morn. Not for acclaim, nor out of pride, but so one day, someone might find—

among the ashes, amid the dust, a trace of love, a seed of trust. That though I faltered, I still gave, and from these ruins, left something brave.

— The End —