I wish I was a good person.
I wish I was nicer to you.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I didn't think about only myself.

i've hidden behind lines
and waves of liquor.
i thought my fear
was cured with beer.
enslaved by substance abuse,
a living coward.
afraid of love and life.
but then one day,
one night,
two overdoses and attempted suicide,
one you and one i ...
something inside of me
ignited.
i turned left,
this day was different
despite all the same.
this 365th day was the day i said
"hey, enough is enough. i'm quitting the drugs. i'm in love and you are the one."

America,
land of hospital bills
for the sick and dying.
Land of little kids with
their parents' guns,
just having fun.

America,
dare to ******* the
pale-coloured men.
Land of mass ******
gets you VIP on CBS.
Speak your mind with a 49.

Sometimes, I really wish I was numb again...
I wish I didn't feel so embarrassed of my emotions
and I wish I felt like it was okay to let them out.
I feel truly alone when I am in a puddle of my own pity and shame.

In my world,
I speak up and know how to articulate my emotions. I can take the bull by the horns, remove it's horns and become the bull.
In my world,
there is no crying over boys. No wondering if I'm enough. His eyes do not shift away. We tell each other I love you and mean it without desperation.
In my world,
I am confident and my thoughts are my own. I am resilient to crafty hands. I am who I want to be.
But this isn't my world.
My lips pursed, I have no throat to transfer words. You don't know how I feel or why I cry. I don't think you care. I don't think you love me. How could you love some one who doesn't love themself.

I wanna gorge.
I want you to be the liquor,
the money and the porsche.
To hold me close...
is the idea that courses through
my veins...
Obtain...
the knowledge
on how much you love me...
is the objective.
Effective...
let me love you
flood you, suffocate you,
debate you, deflate you...
climb inside...
Let us become one and then some.