"You know
Sometimes it seems kind of easy to some.
Kind of... Simple, in a way.
You just kinda... Get up out of bed, y'know?
Like,
You just,
Turn your body round, and put each foot on the floor and just push up.
See...
Like this!" she smiled.

My best friend was trying to understand, but she just doesn't get it.

To me that seemed like such a hard task to accomplish; it meant that I had to find the strength to even think of stepping out of the bed.

I mean for what?
Sadness,
a feeling of uselessness?
Exactly.

So
I gave up trying to think
and therefor I never found a good enough reason to motivate me.

So I lay here
Dim
Limp
Lifeless.

Practically dead in a sense.

With no intention to move 'till the actual death.

Stepping stones;*
That's what these different stages of my life are,
It's been almost 7 months and finally my feelings for *that other guy have drifted away.
He was nothing special.
He never cared.

And now,
I guess it is my time...
And,
Well,
I've met someone.

He's amazing...

He's... special,

He stands out to me like no one else
And he makes me feel whole.

He's not like everyone else,
He gives me a feeling of safety,
Of... protection.
His height towering over me like my guardian.
He is my protector.

When he laughs,
The echo of happiness surrounds me,
It embraces me.
It covers me like a duvet,
It makes me feel warm and at peace.

His voice is purely music to my ears.
The delicate sound of it lingers around my ear drums like a scent.
It clings to my heart and creates a remarkably unsteady heart beat.

When I'm with him I feel nothing but nerves and excitement.
When I get time to think I long for just one night with him.
Just one night to be with him and relax.

I long for the calm and lifeless nights, where the window is open and the air is still,
The only noise that we can hear would be the sound of my heart racing against yours. I can feel you breathe gently into my hair as you kiss my head and hold me tighter.

No one will ever know the way I truly feel about you,
You amaze me everyday with the things that you do.
You mesmerise me and I crave the same love from you that I'm desperate to give out.

Just give me one chance,
One chance.
You'll never find anyone that cares as much as I do.
*This love is unconditional.

I hate pretending,
Every day,
Telling everyone,
That I'm okay.

Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right? 
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live. 
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep. 
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause. 
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide. 
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon. 
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.