Living in fear and constant humiliation
Worrying about more than cleaning and organization
The pills are becoming dull
Everything is becoming worse, people becoming more cruel

She prays and prays for the pain to go away
But with tears in her eyes, she can't help but say
" I live in a small box and no one can get in.
How can I help myself when I don't even know where to begin?"

People mock and claim to suffer
but they don't know how much it crushes her
She wants to live in a world where she can be "normal"
but instead she lives where obsessions are forceful

She will over come it, everyone agrees
She will eventually have internal peace
She will be happy, she will never cry herself to sleep again
but for now, she ends her prayers for strength with amen

We live in a generation where being alike is expected
Where following each others ways and believing each other's God is assumed
Our generation raises us to be perfect people
too bad perfect people don't exist
They raise us to be intelligent and successful
Beautiful and polite
Straight and homophobic
Skinny and athletic
Good with words but never to speak
They raise us with the aspiration of perfection

This generation is so narrow minded and scared of people being themselves
They are scared of being unique
They are scared of letting people live their own lives
They are scared to accept others for who they are
Many fall under the influence of this generation, but I will never
I will be unique
I will never be perfect
I will never be like someone else until the day
*all of our fingerprints are the same

She suffers from mental flurries inside her head
Questions and worry keep her awake in bed
Looks that paralyze, statements that can make you numb
People don't realize the habits she can overcome
Wishing for an end of this unreasonable pain
Causing tears that fall like rain
Tears like crystals, concealing the hurt she suffers
Standing for herself relating to no other
Obsessions that **** her slowly with nothing to hide
With everything lost, her hope never died
Shes stands with a strong will and courage to shed
Nothing can stop her, not even the questions and worry inside her head

Stone cold blue.
They are beautiful like granite
Your poems.
Breath-taking. My eyes are open to a world of clarity

I try to let you go
But it gets me the pain
Because you are my everything.

Like a star in a pitch black night
A rose in a decaying garden
You're flawless my darling.

When the moon shines high
That is when I think of you the most
You're my beating heart in this dead body we call world
My one thought in this pointless mind

I try to let you go
But it gets me the pain
Because you, my flawless darling, are my everything.

Be yourself. Stand out and Shine
But this saying has became a crime
To shine is to beautiful on the inside out
Though some are too afraid to let it stand out
Bullying and hate is what we seem to anticipate
Yet love and compliments is what we downgrade
We have trouble accepting what is a flawless mistake
and put our very own lives at stake.

Standing Out shows too much personality
Love is love no matter the gender, race, or nationality
We judge the things we are ignorant about
Everyone is human. Everyone is God's creation, yet we still doubt.

February 20, 1967
When Aberdeen, Washington became home to a legend
Throwing pebbles at cops
and falling in love with Punk Rock
1985 is when it all fell apart
The divorce shattered his poor, frail heart
Then along came Krist, Pat, and Dave
Who made his life worth the wait
"I Rather Be Hated For Who I Am Than Loved For Who I Am Not."
Against judgement, racists, and sexualists he fought.
He's an inspiration to few
because of what he chose to do.

April 5, 1994
Down he feel with the gun in his hand on the floor.
"Peace, Love, and Empathy." was left on the letter
A Document that Courtney and Frances struggled to read later.
Fans left with faithful lyrics and sorrow
He always said they weren't promised tomorrow.
Rumors of conspiracies and ****** spread
Courtney finally announced that he wanted to be dead.
"It's Better To Burn Out Than To Fade Away."
and just like that Kurt Cobain had changed  my life in every way.

If you only knew how much you meant to me
Then you would understand how we're meant to be
When you smile at me with those beautiful stars
Everything stops, everything is silent, the moment is ours

Your eyes.
A golden flame cascades as a flowing green meadow dies
You're a lion heart.
Courageous and brave. You had pride from the start

A hurricane of thoughts of you begin in my head
I'm blindfolded. Where am I being lead?
Light overcomes darkness. Joyous bells ring
And there in front of me stands
My lionhearted king.

Over and over again I fall
But this time I'll stand tall
Loving you is a sin
But baby, this isn't love we're falling in
It's torture, rage, and frustration
Never love, trust, and admiration
I'm drowning in my own vexation
Never swimming in an ocean of affection
This vacation isn't all sugar and spice
You are my dark paradise

You're irresistible.
I disintegrate.
You're beyond perfection.
I'm just there.

Everything you say comes out pure
The way you move makes it look like you own the earth
The way you smile makes me believe in angels even more
The thought of you makes uncontrollable tears pour

You're a galaxy.
I'm a star in it.
You're beyond perfection.
I'm just there.

I want to feel your comforting arms around me
I want to hear you whisper promises in my ear
I want to make lovely dreams into an unrealistic reality
I need to hear your heartbeat in your chest

You're a breathtaking ocean.
I'm a ripple.
You're beyond perfection.
I'm just there.

My need for you in incurable
My love for you is out of control
My hope for you is endless
Is yours?

You're irresistible.
I disintegrate.
You're beyond perfection.
I'm just there.

You say it so quickly, without any hesitation or realization of the pain you have caused
You say it with all seriousness and so much ignorance
It's as if you have no knowledge of the way that word rolls of your tongue as a rain drop does on a shingle of a house
That one single word gives me chills that begins in my toes and runs through my body like an electric current
The electricity might as well be anger also because that too is surging
Do you have any idea what you are even doing?
You say it with all of your loose minded friends who too suffer from ignorance
People like you make it hard to live in this world
Its people like you that cause sufferers of your ignorance to begin wars
to begin segregation
to feel hated
to feel lost
to feel depression
to end their lives
It is people like you, even the ones sitting in this very rooms, who have caused many people to die
It is people like you who will never truly know what the term "gay" means

I love you more than the stars love the moon, forever and always
I love you more than there are seconds in a day
I love to to the moon and back a million times
When I'm with you, my time sure flies
I love you more than the moon and the sun
But my dear, my love to express will never be enough

You say you love me more than the moon and the stars
But my dear, you have pushed it way to far
I love you across the oceans and beyond the seas
But friends is all we will ever be

Forget is not in my dictionary of love
When I see you I go beyond and above
I forgive you for not understanding my hearts deepest desire
But I am losing hope and my hearts tired
For if you do not see now than how will you ever learn?
I love you more than a mother loves her new born

You are confused just stop, just go
Loving me is stupid and usually unknown
Forget the memories, get over the past
We tried this once and the feelings didn't last
But if I once dared to try to see from your point of view
Maybe then I'll understand the nonsense, maybe then I'll understand you
I feel happy and warm and loved when in your lovely presence
I want to accept but the thought is dangerous
But I must forget the memories, get over the past
For people change and old feelings last

Right when I was on the verge of letting it go
I asked you for the last time, my dear, and the answer was anything but no
You responded in the most lovely way
and on the most perfect rainy day
I love you more than the stars love the moon, always and forever
I will follow you where ever
I don't know how to say this without expressing it enough, and finally you said, I love you.
Without any doubt I whispered, I love you too

Finally, I was on the mountain.
Howling for answers no one could answer
Reaching out with my mountain scared hands
Expecting answers but receiving fear
An empty glass that is somehow always filled
Never satisfying but always relieving
Shaking with sorrow, I accept the decline
Back down the mountain of regret I climb

You walked away
and with every bold step
Every bone is my body screamed don't go

In that instant, I wanted to wrap my arms around you
To keep you safe
To reassure you that I love you
and that you are perfect and graceful and worth my time and worth the fights and worth the nights I cried myself to sleep and worth everything I have ever owned and will ever own

I wanted to feel you hold on to me
as if I'm the only support system you have while being forced into a vortex
But it seems you found the vortex as a place of acceptance
because you left me for that black hole that leads to no where

It hurts because I know I have you in my heart
but I want you in my arms
I want you in my life, but it seems you rather be in space
You rather be blind in a vortex
You rather live among the stars than live in my life
You rather be far away from me
but  I can't blame you

While you are soaring the stars
and dancing in galaxies
Just now while you are trying to obtain the world
**You will always be my universe

Your life went down in a crumble
I'm sorry my purple winged angel
This shouldn't have happened to you
Your life was hard and you struggled to get through
This gun shouldn't never been held in your hands
Darling, how long has this been planned?
What about your sister? How will she react?
I bet her heart will feel under attack
You were beautiful in every single way
Now all we can do is pray that our purple winged angel will be peaceful someday

What is love?
Love is understanding
Love is supporting
Love is forgiving
Love is relentless

Love is helping the one you gave your heart to through anything
Love is seeing the beauty in everything she does or says
Love is wanting to be yours
Love is boundless.

Love is never underestimating their self esteem
Love is not even thinking of damaging their fragile heart
Love is to be taken seriously
Love is respect.

Love is to always have a flame and never give into the ashes
Love is to never let the trees settle down after a wind storm
Love is to never let one get frightened
Love is to care for.

Our world says I Love You out of context more than often
We should only use I Love You when we mean it
When we trust each other
Then we can say
......i love you....

....8 Months....
The feeling of loss and regret sweeps over me again
The thought of your stunning smile makes me miss you even more
The fact that you are not here.... Oh, my darling... You Are Not Here.

My Purple Winged Angel with flawless perfection
The judgement got to you
The remarks circled in your mind
Thinking of ways to get away
And you finally decided.
8 months ago on this very day.

Oh, how I miss you and the welcoming hello I received every morning
...at least an angel hears that hello every dawn....
I never forgot you
and never will.
But I can't believe someone broke your strong power of will

My Purple Winged Angel
8 Months Ago
You Decided To Leave
8 Months Ago
I Couldn't Believe
You Are Not Here
My Flawless Angel
......you are not here......

Your eyes are like angel's eyes.
When I look in them I die.
My mind goes blank.
Then suddenly, my heart sank.
I can't have you, you're beyond my reach.
I'll never have you no matter what actions or speech.
You can stop time with a glimpse of that stunning smile.
But instead of a glimpse can I get a while?
Darling, you're an angel and I'm an unwanted demon...
So while you walk by me, I'll keep dreaming...

Hold your breathe. Stop there.
**** in. Rely on air.
Don't eat. Watch your weight.
Be quiet. Don't stay up late.
Drink you water. Wash your face.
Shut up. Don't be a disgrace.
Don't smile at him! Do you know who he is?
Like a man who knows where his money is.
Shoulders back. Head up high.
Cross your legs and be polite.
Oh my! You gained a pound, you're going in a diet.
Always read, never write.
Those words you express are never right.
Stop crying. Your makeup is ruined.
Stop now. I can feel the trouble brewing.
Stop being who you are. Be who I said to be.
Why do you insist on messing up? Listen to me!
Thank goodness, you finally gave up.
Don't be you, listen to society!
My dears, these razors are not for wrists but for your legs.
Why would I use them there when I rather be dead?

Ever since the beginning, I knew that you were different
You stood in a way no one else was capable of
You were fragile and graceful and so clear I could tell everything about you in one glance
But oh you were so beautiful to look at. You shined and glistened and reflected answers towards me with all I could ever ask about
In some ways, you were like glass
If I could drink all of your sorrows away I would
I would take the fears and worries out of your glass body and swallow into mine
I would fill you with what you needed
I would fill you with joy and courage and love for yourself
But while pouring these much needed liquids, you broke
You shattered
You fell
You
are gone
Every day after that I have been forced to explain to everyone about how you broke
and I know that if you were still fragile and shining you would be disappointed in me
In fact, I'm disappointed in myself
I should have emptied myself out like I planned to do with you
and fill myself with those important liquids
I wish I had joy
I wish I had courage
I wished I loved myself
but that is hard to do because I have the memories of the day
*i broke you

Overturned futures, using dark rooms as comfort
Flooding tears and always thinking of others
Letting people put their doubts, troubles, and fears in my weak hands
Allowing me to make their changes for their sake of living
Making me change their future
I heal their relationships with words held back
Only to watch them fall apart with one little action
I build up these mansions of friendship and trust
Only to let them be destroyed with one wrong look
I pray and wait for the day that my so called best friends realize the impact they are making on my life
They make me smile and laugh everyday with their grateful presence
But at home with these little snaps and messages lead me to tears
and making my family angry
I know they do none of these on purpose because they care about my well being
and they know I do this for them because I care about them too
I love being able to change their thoughts about life and make them happy
But I am tired of being the only one who tries
Some times I feel like I am surrounded by people who feast off of attention
They all have their way of making others come my way
One who is full of opinions and thoughts always tends to be outspoken and damages some one else
One who is full of need. She too feasts off the attention and needs eyes on her at all times.
One who wears a tough persona but also puts her feelings as clothing.
One who is tired. One who is weak. One who is trying to fix the world. One who is doing one of the sort. One who is completely messed up. One who needs as much helps as she gives.
I rant and fill your heads with opinions, but in complete honesty.
**I am the only one who is making my life a living hell.

You are the wave of the ocean and I am the grain of the sand
No matter how hard I try you always pull me back in
You leave me breathless and with weak arms
How am I to breathe when my lungs are filled with you
You take over my body and leave my mind ashore
I am senseless and confused but whole in your arms
You see I'm hopelessly yours and you'll never be mine
For you are the ocean and I am nothing but a drizzle of rain.

Visions of blurs, these moments happened fast
But everything is remembered, everything was made to last
Blood covered your scarred and helpful hands
I wish I could help you, but I can barely stand
When your loving arms wrapped around me that night your comfort sank into my skin
Just like my tears in your shoulder, we both knew we weren't going to win

With every fading tear came every everlasting memory
When she had too many and couldn't remember me
No lock in the house could hold back your comfort to me
You were always there with every shaky sentence I breathed
You always had that look in your eyes that no one else could replace
It was the look of understanding. I could always see it all over your face
You carried me to bed whenever I stood no chance
You could tell every emotion inside of me with just one glance
But it seems now that when you are the one red eyed and dripping tears
I had no words to say even after all these years
All I could manage to do was hug you just like you use to do me
Maybe you would feel comforted just like I use to be
You were always there whenever I felt I couldn't go on
You were always there to sing my favorite song
You were always there to hold my hand in situations with no light
You were always there to whisper good news to me during those terrible nights
You are the reason I am strong
But what am I going to do when you are gone?

I love you more than there are ripples in the sea
and without you, I wouldn't be me
You dried my tears, hugged all the sadness out of me, and cried with me just because you could
If I could choose you to be my big brother again, I would