Lost,
gone,
away
forever.
I don't know why I'm so angry.
It's not as if you could have known better.
I miss you so much,
more every day.
I never knew you,
but I feel such pain.
I wish I had known you,
I wish you were here.
Nothing would matter,
at least something would be clear.
You were perfect to me, even when I wasn't sure.
You didn't deserve this. You were so pure.
I miss you so much,
more every day.
It doesn't get easier.
Time doesn't heal pain.

There is a story
Of the Chinese old
That whispers of lovers
And red strings it told
But I ask you this,
You Chinese of old
Where is my lover
And the string he holds?

Everyday I repeat in my head
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I try not to give up on
myself.
It gets hard each and every day.
Trying to move along.
Everyone around me goes so slow.
I feel as if I'm going to
pass out.
My heart goes a million miles an hour.
Then I repeat in my head that little quote.
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I just hope I don't start to doubt.

Pressed with
starched confidence
I told her—
I want you to feel
the weight of my words.

Oh, they fell heavy.
Collected in institutions
of incarcerated desires
with no consideration
for the future capacities
of emotional faculties,

shirking the responsibilities
of such fragile hopes–
stomped to shattered pieces.

Pressed  with
ironed resolve,
I held down the diction
that resists the grips of reason,
my clenched fists spilling
to the ground, the dust of it all.

Tissues and beers
My own tears
Wasted on you
Gas and yelling
My favorite perfume, so pretty smelling
Wasted on you
Friendships lost, my favorite socks
**** and TV and black flip flops
All wasted on you
I wasted myself on you