I'm starting to think that there's something very wrong with me,
Because everyone I love, everyone I care about,
Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends,
They all leave me in the dust.
It's like no matter how hard I try,
No matter what I do,
I'm just not good enough.

I want a boyfriend who makes me laugh and smile.
A boyfriend who gives me butterflies.
I want a boyfriend who will hold my hand when we walk places.
A boyfriend who will call me beautiful and kiss me when I least expect it.
I want a boyfriend who shows me that he cares.
A boyfriend who makes me feel important to him.
I want a boyfriend who will stay home with me on a Friday night and watch movies with me.
A boyfriend who will cuddle me and get fat with me.
I want a boyfriend who loves me.
A boyfriend who will stay for a while.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm clingy,
I'm sorry I'm a hassle,
I'm sorry Im needy and difficult,
I sorry I **** everything up,
I'm sorry I'm broken and more ****** up in the head than you will ever know,
I sorry I wasn't what you wanted,
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.

I miss your laugh,
The way it sounded and the way your entire body shook when you did.
I miss your smile,
The way it lit up your entire face and how contagious it was.
I miss your hugs,
The way your arms felt around me and how comforting they were.
I miss talking to you,
The way I could say anything and know you'd listen.
I guess what I'm trying to say is....
I miss you.

It's funny how such little things can ruin my day.
I try not to let it happen, but it just does....

When I see you,
The memories come flooding back,
And they drown me.

Happiness is waking up in the morning and not regretting it,
Its looking at yourself, inside and out, and feeling satisfied with what you see,
Its something you see in people's eyes and in their smiles.

Happiness doesnt come from another person,
It doesn't come from money,
Or looks, Or anything in between.

Happiness is feeling safe and protected,
Its feeling wanted and loved,
Its being free, and being okay with who you are.

To this day you've never given me a reason why you left.
You just did.
You abandoned me,
And acted like I wasn't worth an explanation.
You broke my heart.
And You ******* destroyed me.

And as I hang here from this tree,
I have never felt more free.

I'm tired.
Tired of faking a smile,
Tired of pretending I'm happy,
Tired of being sad,
Tired of feeling alone,
Tired of the demons messing with my head,
Tired of the demons trying to control me.

Im tired of being depressed.
Im tired of being sad.
Im tired of being alone.
Im tired of being broken.
Im tired of being fat and ugly.
Im tired of being reminded of it.
Im tired of crying.
Im tired of panic attacks and nervous breakdowns.
Im tired of being ignored.
Im tired of being put last.
Im tired of wanting to die.
Im tired of life....

My loneliness was a rattle in the windows,
My sadness was a bottle on the bathroom floor.
You said something that I never wanted to hear,
You said you don't want me anymore.

You left,
You left just like everyone else did.
You're words were a gun.
And you left it loaded.

My entire world was flipped upside down,
My heart shattered.
You destroyed me,
You turned me into a beautiful disaster.

Cigs,
Alcohol,
Mary Jane,
It's what I need
To drown the pain.

You say they're bad,
But I say they're good.
You tell me to quit,
If I cared I would.

It's 3 am and she can't sleep,
Tears run down her face,
Her thoughts consume her.
If only she could save herself from her constant emotional drowning,
If only someone gave a ****.
Maybe then she wouldn't have to put that blade to her skin.

I'm sorry that I wasn't a good girlfriend...
I'm sorry I didn't make you feel the way you made me feel...
I'm sorry I wasted my time, and yours...
I'm sorry I wasn't worth it...
I'm sorry I'm still missing you...
I'm sorry your missing her...

One blunt, two blunts, three blunts, four,
One shot, two shots, three shots, more.

Keep going, keep going, don't stop.
Drown the pain of missing him,
Before it wins,
And drowns you.

Missing you is the hardest thing of all,
Because before it happens there is only numbness,
And then once I start missing you it feels like my heart breaks all over again,
And the pain is overwhelming.

Just for once in my pathetic life
I want someone to be afraid of losing me...

I feel like my life is falling apart right in front of my face and there's nothing I can do about it...
And that scares me more than anything.

It ***** because I really want to talk to you,
For hours, just to hear your voice,
Just to get a bit of happiness in my dark world,
But I cant && I'm torn.

Ever since he left, she hasn't been the same,
Ever since he left, life is just a game.
If she dies, she dies. It doesn't really matter,
Her heart is broken and her life is a disaster.

She fakes a smile,
Lets a laugh slip out,
And everyone thinks shes happy.

But what they dont know is how much she hates herself,
How much of a struggle it is for her to simply get out of bed or function like a normal person,
How she wishes that she was dead every second of every day,

How she dreams of a world where someone gave a ****,
How broken and mentally unstable she is,
How alone she feels.

She's stuck in an everlasting darkness,
No matter what she does,
The light never shows itself.
If only someone would help to save her from herself.

You left,
You left just like everyone else did.
You were suppose to be different.
You weren’t suppose to hurt me like this.
But you did…

It's funny in a sick sort of way how much she tries,
How much effort she puts in for all these people who she is nothing to,
That she forgets about herself.

What a fool I was to think that you could actually love me,
What a fool I was to have loved you.

I sit here, in a room full of people,
People who 'care'
People who 'love me'
People who are 'my friends'
And I have never felt more alone...