he still writes about me
he still thinks about me
he claims indifference to my existence
but he still loves me
and i love the idea of him
it's so sad for him, though
because i love another's reality

I have unhealthy habits
Maybe I'm an addict
Ocassionally find peace on a mattress
You preach that I'm an actress
And I've really ******* had it
If everyone think I'm a saint
That's their prerogative
I'm not trying to prove a ******* thing
At least I'm not full of ****
You put me on a pedestal
That's your wrongdoing
Not a single person's perfect
And I am no exception
But my mistakes come out as truths

I have unhealthy habits
The worst of them is you

No matter the immensity of tragedy in my day to day
There is no ache harsher than your absence

I can’t wait until I’m an adult and have random nights where I go out with my husband to fancy parties and we take a cab and get all dressed up and dont know anyone at the party but get drunk together and have a blast and make fools of ourselves and almost get kicked out but everyone loves us anyway because they see how much we are in love and dont care what they think then we escape into a cab in the rain and rush home to sit on the kitchen floor at 3 am eating ice cream out of the carton drunk and laughing the whole time

when i told you my grandma was dying
you weren't a shoulder to cry on
you told me i can't be codependent
you said i had to deal on my own or it'd get messy

you thought i'd cause more harm, create more issues
i can't believe i ever ******* missed you

now when i think of you
i just smoke a bogie
this time is different
im done like kobe

I've smoked five cigarettes today
I'm not blaming you for that,
I just wish you'd go away

trading vices
but there's not much of a difference
a few drags, your red flags, both an addiction

a temporary head high
ease in the moment
with an unavoidable fatality

If I would take a bullet in the chest for you why do I refuse to talk about the future? We both quiver at the thought of forever, yet we hold so tightly to the idea of prolonged togetherness.