Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Side effects may include:
dizziness
madness
insomnia
drowsiness

I've had it with this.

I just want to be me.
Naturally.

No prescriptions.
No drug addictions.

I am not my own,
but can I at least have some control?
02/09/14
I always loved puzzles
as a kid waiting for his food
crayon in hand
the adults are talking adult things
things i never wanted to hear
submerged in simplicity i'll solve the maze
subliminally i internalize
things like adultery and kidnapping
all i wanted to be was a kid napping
why do we become as childish as adults
searching for answers when we don't know the questions
I need money!
I need to be funny!
I need to be strong!
I can never be wrong!!
STOP! sink have a drink
we can talk, walk and stalk the reason for remaining
life is such a perplexing puzzle
no picture of how it's supposed to be
swirls of red love caress the edges
they're all i've managed so far
a wide expanse and a desolate precipice
black holes, whirlpools, and quick sand
where are you beyond where i can see?
an apprehensive allure caresses my curiosity
have i been wandering for too long
lost among infinite mirages
the horizon is uneventful, and too far away  
compared to this anomaly before me
my repertoire compels me to move on
my heart says i've gone on too long
because there is no better a death
than a death in excelence
Day after day
Late mornings
to midday tears
and late nights fears
nothing has changed.
The tree remains a whithered sapling.
It has been so long...
Why will you not grow?
When will you rise far above the dirt that chokes you?
When will you be green again,
When will you be happy again?
When will you bloom and bear the good fruit
that is good to eat?
WHEN WILL YOU BE A TREE?!

So it has come to this.
Have I gotten so lost?
Have I gone mad?
It's a tree.
I am talking to a tree.

You cannot tell a tree when to grow.
You cannot ask a tree questions
and expect answers.

A tree does not speak,
and it does not comprehend
my language.
I have a gender. I was born a woman therefore I have fear.

I have fear. I am taught at a young age to fear the monsters that come out at night, on the street corners and in dark allies.

I have a particular monster. When I was 11 I was diagnosed with anxiety, a fire that becomes uncontrollable at times.

I have a home. To get to this home I have to walk multiple blocks at night.

I have a phobia. This phobia includes those who walk behind me, and those who walk too close.

I have rationality. I am told I am rational for fearing those who surround me as I walk home.

I have what is expected of me.  By society I have expectations of what I am supposed to look and act like to be considered a successful woman.

I have a roommate. This roommate smokes to curve hunger and in her cigarette burns more than ash but less of what she desires.

I have a mother whose wrinkles are beautiful and tell stories. These wrinkles tell the story of every smile she gave and every laugh she enjoyed, but she is told they are ugly and she covers them day after day.

I have ears. With these ears I hear women telling themselves they aren’t good enough.

I have eyes. With these eyes I see my own reflection and try and see myself as less of an image, or reflection, and more as a person.

I have mind. With this mind I create a vision of a place where people hear what I say instead of seeing what I wear.

I have a life. With this life I want change.
I never knew this before.
But, there is a time in our life,
When we realize just how horrendous it is,
To be human.
We realize that , that one person
Who said they would never hurt you.
You believed it,
In fact you knew it.
And a first crack hits,
You see just how painstakingly selfish this place is.
You feel the crush in your chest and the years in your eyes.
At some point during all this,
There's the ones that are still there.
The ones that hold you up
Make you feel as if you are strong enough.
You again with your trust,
Have your guard down.
A best friend will not hurt you.
They turn away as well.
And, when that happens.
You realize that you will never again trust another humans feelings.
If the only people in the world.
That were thought to be your allies
Left you with huge scars.
Then the world is a much,
Much darker place than ever imagined.
That while these feelings of self hate,
And complete lack of confidence on your ability to be loved.
Respected, adored, honoured.
Thats when the thoughts come out,
All those feelings, they are what set you apart at times.
They are what sets you apart.
You look at yourself and you realize
Just how much you would have done.
What you never would have,
How you could never have thought or done
The pain that was given to you.
The world it seems is a much colder darker place
Than first assumed.
You have changed, you will never hold a relationship
With the same absolution ever again.
Spouses, family and friends,
Are not what you thought.
Good and bad,
This world will lift you up,
To pull you down.
To watch you fall.
Break and change.
When you get up and walk you'll smile again.
The world will be cold, dark
People will destroy you
But if anyone keep faith in yourself
When the world is heartless and cold,
Try to remember to feel your heartbeat,
And love the innocent souls you created
And hope they never ever feel like you do.
Hope the sun stays out
The dark clouds that encompass you,
Stay with you instead.
 Mar 2013 Child of the Word
Julia
You were the yellow brick road
& you thought it was grand.

All I saw were the people,
all the people walking all over you.

But you said "Look how shiny
I am, and how everybody loves
me, I'm golden like the sun, like gold,
Julia, like your hair.
"

So I stopped trying to make you
feel their footsteps, and I left.

I walked on the dirt alongside of you,
so that you knew I was always be there.

I walked on the ****** dirt
that nobody gave a thought to.
& it seemed strangely happy that way.
Next page