I wonder if you remember
The smiles we shared
As we laughed at each other
Across the room

I wonder if you might recall
Our eyes locking hard
Past hundreds of swift bodies
Rushing by us

I hope that I leave impression
On your crystal soul
When shivers run down my spine
When I see you

I ponder over thoughts of you
As I do schoolwork
Or during cold, sleepless nights
In the silence

I believe at times we connect
A psychic pathway
Opening similar doors
Into our hearts

I'm afraid to commune with you
In fear that you don't
Return the sharp sensation
Of uneasy love

There- I said it, that blazing word
That causes troubles
If true feelings are not shared
Or rejected

Four letters that shine as moonlight,
Resound deep within,
And sing of what things could be
Or what they are.

It's strange- the feelings I hold close
Remain unspoken
By fear and timidity
That restricts me.

I don't want to make it awkward
Between us, I hope
That we can become friends
Somehow, someday.

I wonder if you remember
The sparks between our
Frozen fingers as I slipped
And you caught me

You assuredly don't realize
The effect you have
On me whenever I see
Your striking eyes

I wonder if you remember
Where our chemistry
First started, or where I thought
Allure began.

I wonder if you felt far
Before I realized
Who you were, and I became
Intrigued by you.

I vaguely remember you there
At that first concert
Where you played the high trumpet
With the joined schools

You express yourself through music,
Come to think of it,
As do I. I wonder how we
Are so alike.

You tumble through my emotions.
You're present in all
I ever think about now.
I think of you.

I wonder if you remember
Our eyes, both dark blue
Locking as we sat down in
The cages called chairs

I wonder if you feel the same
Feelings as I do
Or if I'm stepping into
Problems, not love

I wonder if you will ever
Know the way I am
Consumed by you in ev'ry
Helpless daydream

I wonder if we will ever
Amount to something
Together, or remain our
Separation.

Those words which I dread to ever
Share with someone now
Are slipping through my fingers---
I love you.


© 3/1/13

Another cigarette gone.
Right down to the filter.
My pain now is strong,
Are you wanting to **** her?

That girl you love,
And said you'd never abandon.
That's what this is.
That's what you've done.
I'm alone.
I'm abandoned.
You've lost my trust
and killed my love.

A carton down,
Am I trying to die?
I'm going to have a smokers cough.
For the rest of my life.
I'm nauseous,
I hate,
I'm abandoned.
And you're to blame.

I miss you
I love you
I want to know you're here.
But you're gone
You've left
And I'm stuck drowning in my tears.

i fall to the ground
and i want to die,
i painfully scream,
i painfully cry,
i hate this world,
i just dont understand,

i just want to know,
to feel, to see,
what to do,
who to be,

i wanna know how to live,
how to go on,
as if everythings right,
and nothing is wrong,
oh its been so long,
since my sadness was gone,
and my heart wants to live,
but this pressure wont give,

and no matter how much i resist,
no matter how much i fight,
the sadness takes control,
it holds me so tight,

and then i cant breathe,
my body gets weak,
my eyes cant see,
my lips cant speak,

and then i fall to the ground,
and i just want to die,
in agony i scream,
in despair i cry,
and i dont know why
this is happening to me,
why the darkness comes so suddenly,

and so...
i am lost
in the emptiness of space,
a cold, dark, forgotten place,
i am
lost in oblivion

why do i have such a desperate screaming want need to plunge into something
and yet
how do i even begin to do it in a healthy way
without hurting myself, hurting him, hurting you, hurting me

because you gave my heart a beat
that's a scary thought.
is it too soon
is it right
is the time right
is this right
my soul is so confused
and it wants so many answers

all i know
is that you gave my heart a beat.


it's a good measure of how much you like someone
when you forget that time exists and that
the world is still turning
at four in the morning

and you're still writing poems and breathing in
and out
listening to your heart beat


and you are completely ready to risk
your whole heart
and a whole lot of pain and suffering
just because you like
where this might be heading.


you can go to sleep tonight,
knowing that you gave my heart a beat.

which is something i gave up on a long time ago