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Anna Jan 2022
Do you think the streets of Thamel misses us?
Your feet aching and my makeup smudged
Hands gripping, not intertwined
It's too late to go home

Your presence next to me
Let's look at the glowing star stickers on your ceiling
Pretend that the galaxy was here and that the universe cared about us
And that we knew where home was

I couldn't look past you
Your eyes shined through city lights
You always felt like cold nights
And after all this time, I didn't know you past the smoke rings and alcohol glass shards

Your heavyweight on to me
too much to carry or push off
There was something addicting about your hands wrapped around my wrist
Your nails digging into my skin
Something sickeningly satisfying about you needing me

You talked about you not wanting to be your father and
Me fearing to be my mother
But once all bandages came off
I never realized how much I didn't recognize you

I never realized how much I was afraid of healing
Cause healing meant fresh skin growing over your cuts on my body
And I'm afraid where I'll be in my next
journey
I'm afraid that the found family and soulmates in my books weren't true
I'm afraid of the person I will be without you

The truth is I don't know who I am without your tear strains on my tshirt
And I don't know who I am without me waking you up at 3am
Without you knocking the wind out of me with your embrace
Without my cold ****** feet running towards you

And you?

You already wrote another novel without me, starting from chapter 1
And I now know I was your prologue, not your ending
I'm not scared to go the streets again because I might see you
I'm scared because I know the ghost of us still lingers there

And when you go back to the streets of Thamel
Please don't think of me.
Anna Oct 2021
Her love for me was mellow
Instead of feeling blues
I always felt yellow

She was a weird fellow
The portrait of me she drew
Her love for me was mellow

Every time she says hello
She doesn’t have a clue
I always felt yellow

She called me a marsh mellow
She said I’m her muse
Her love for me was mellow

I sniffed into her pillow
She smells like morning dew
I always felt yellow

Once again she said hello
Watched my heart flew
Her love for me was mellow
I always felt yellow
Anna Jan 2019
What were they thinking
When they told me I was special
That I was a "beautiful gifted child"
The light of everyone's life
Wore the title like a crown

Until reality came and hit me right on the face

I'm not that beautiful
My body is littered with scars
There's a lot stretch marks
Itty bitty ****** things
Let the mirror reflect the disgust in me

I'm not that gifted
I do the things I love
And my best at everything
But I never feel like it's enough
The colors of shame & disappointment cover me

I'm definitely not special
I always try so hard
To make others satisfied
I lost my own identity

You've said enough
Now you watch what you say
Always being careful with you
While you drop me like glass

You knew I could never love myself so you made me hate me more
Anna Dec 2018
I tore the Love Letter meant for you
Out of anger? No
Out of sadness? Maybe
Out of jealousy? I don't know
But I tore the love letter meant for you

I was never planning to give it to you
Never planning on telling you
Just wanted to pour my emotions
On this dumb piece of paper
Never wanting to face you

I said a lot of things
Like all those sweet words for you
And nasty words for me
Like how you deserve the whole world
And I was too undeserving

Now all those words torn and thrown out.
Just how I like to cope with things
Tear them up and throw them out

I tore the love letter cause you're too good for someone like me
I tore the love letter cause I don't deserve you
Anna Dec 2018
You
Your words are everything I wanna hear
Your eyes are the only things I wanna see
With you I feel like I've been set free
With you I feel no fear
I love getting your texts at midnight
I love the things you tell me
I wait for you in daylight
Waiting for you to hold me
I understand why you cry
The world is cruel for us two
Maybe together we'll fly
Find a place for me and you
As I let the time fleet
I swear one day we will meet
Anna Dec 2018
The moon is in a pretty crescent shape tonight
As it illuminates my room
The tea on the table is becoming cold
And the night is quite with the rods empty
So quite even the chaos in me is silent

Biting my cherry lips and digging nails through my skin
I know I'll start to bleed
I won't bleed blood. I'll bleed the colors that are in me
There are new scratches on my body as the burning sensation take over me

Trying so hard to find something in me
Something.
Anything.
Making small scratches isn't enough
Claw my skin out
My lips no longer taste like cherry
They taste like desperation

Scratching, clawing and tearing me apart
Everything hurts but keep going
Until you find "it"
I looked at "it" all choked up
There's tears in my eyes but I started to laugh
I'm completely damaged and destroyed but.....

You call it art

— The End —