Closing my eyes, getting lost in daydreams of what I longed for all my life . Fantasizing about my unquenched thirst just to be loved. Without realizing each time we spoke what was right in front of me. Was it the fear of letting someone enter into my heart,of believing that what I was dreaming was your déjàvu . That warmth that surged into me like electricity, leaving me trembling, was the flame of your Majestical touch . Your voice echoed into where I dared not to let anyone enter. The musical symphony of both are hearts beat  and souls songs in a rhythmical eternal dance was created as you whispered those  three words , gently brushing your lips upon my skin left my mind hypnotized; seduced. Now that I have tasted your love I sit here dreaming with the hunger to feel you again. I await for my insatiable thirst and desire of you to leave me elated lost in euphoria of your  loving touch. Till then my heart returns to our déjàvu .

© copy write ~ cherry rose 2015

That burning sensation that stops me in my tracks, When I  cant move my hands or take  one more step, I  want to let my knees hit the ground and bury my head into my self . Anywhere that the pain cannot be seen. I want to run till my body collapses from exhaustion. People see me laugh, smile, even when the pain strikes I  smile and wait till I can escape  holding my hands begging please  make the pain stop ,please let them  expand just enough to be able to turn the key, lift a cup of coffee, or grant me a nights sleep and let me wake up ready to fool the world again. I hide my port scars and any scars that cannot be seen by smiling through the torment left from the aftermath of survival.  People say wow you look great, I SMILE and say yes I'm doing well. Why share what they honestly do not want to know . ( no the cancer is not cured,) yes I'm in remission , yes it will awake with a wrath, and yes not a day goes by I don't face chemo side affects. No. No . No. The only thing they will see is the smile and the facade that cancer is just something you read about not something that touches your life in someone you know.  So the day I finally depart from this place it is not because of cancer it is because I chose to with grace and dignity. But yes I am just as human as you. But live with what makes me who I am, and moves through me in silence for an uncertain time.

(c) copyright of my life cherry rose Feb 2015

They say how can you feel utterly alone, What they don't see is they just made you feel this way. You ask may I join you on your adventures today as you awoke full of life and energy, They found every reason why you should not be part of their adventure. Instead of watching them trying to catch their breath filled with lies and excuses. Why cant they just say no not today. Can they not see that through the darkness you reached, But instead of feeling the warmth of their light, You felt the jolt singe your skin, You back away when you were able to peer into their heart. That fire burning was not the warmth of light welcoming in it was meant to push you away. They set the pace with whispers, thinking you did not hear, the look in both their eyes reveals their truths of both their hearts. One day you will feel what you did , said, and how you treated others will come back at you and say " hey remember me?" Now it's your turn to feel how you hurt others and their pain inflicted by your mind and actions. Do you think you will be able to withstand their pain or will their hurt and loneliness consume you. Yes laugh now and go ahead and think that you gained between two hearts blackened with your malice, but one day it will be back to visit you when you sip from the truth filled inside the chalice . © cherry rose

Standing back silently watching you deal the deck of cards , sadly my heart aches because you think that I am not aware of what game your playing! What you don't realize is through your immaturity controlling your self centered selfish mind; is I created the game. In the end instead of looking like a winner you have already lost , look into your own heart and tell me what you feel and see? Do you see that karma coming back at you with the exact same game you played but you are the one left holding the jokers, while I folded and even if it broke my heart I knew when to walk away from foolish childish games. The tears I shed were for you because your heart and soul are too blind and selfish always wanting to use others to serve a purpose for your personal gain. With this one day I hope you realize that hearts and others are not your marionettes and will tire of you and your game. Life is to precious to be used in your games. I folded ; game over!
© cherry rose 2015

Some days you feel you just cant and don't want to go on, The games have gotten old, tears streaming  down my face I can tell you which each tear drop means and what lays within it for my heart is breaking from each one. How I wish I had already finished this journey, Lathargic, I sit here staring at the walls not wanting to think, yet longing to numb my every tear that steals a heartbeat; a breath at a time. Why must I be made to feel helpless to block your choice on the wrong road,  While you think your only best friend is lifting that stench of liquor to your lips , with each sip you are  killing your spirit while mine silently weeps. Robbing my heartbeats as you forget the lies and forget to whom it was told . If truth were spoken from the start no lie would have to be remembered. Draining my will with not just the tears but the games played with my heart and mind. How I long to believe, but the truth reveals each and every lie. Breaking my spirit where escape is the only place I want to be. You think your actions only hurt you  . . . But they destroy this spirit ,so lift that bottle to your lying lips, tell those stories to cover your addiction. But please leave me in this place where I can no longer feel , leave me to cry these tears filled with nothing but lies .

© cherry rose 2015

Blinded by choice. Shh why cant you hear those silent cries? She is reaching out  with her misunderstood voice.
You cannot see that invisble exit she seeks. She can, hearing those beckoning her spirit, as she reaches into another dimension not fearing touching deaths blade. Tired of the uphill journey just to let her name  be spoken upon those lips that dont see or feel the difference. Selective in what emotions they want to feel. She can walk by her very breath  unheard as her heartbeat slowly aches and wants to fade away. Feeling her existence is just that, it appears a shell,where echos can be heard now that  her heartbeat has flatlined. She is finally free from the weight of hiding her heart and how her own  family exited and evicted themselves from her when .....
She lived.

(C) 2015 cherry rose

She gets lost within the depths of her thoughts and mind ? Always asking herself questions. Why has life and people been so unkind. How can they not understand she is not the same woman from even just a year ago or from 3 years ago . Her life took a road that changed her from the inside out and her life that she thought she once knew. Now she stands everyday looking at a woman she does not know with scars she did not inflict and those she did; all because she wanted to be beautiful and thought if only. They tell her she looks fine but how can they understand that she longs to be unseen. The battle that exists within her own blood and bones is never ending. Her own voice and heart tell her to surrender or run but the outcome will remain the same and as will her fate be unchanged . She holds onto hope that gives her a reason to want to believe that her existence was not just a waste. She bows her head droplets of tears are the only sound heard upon the floor , lifting her head she again looks into
Her eyes, filled with so much hollow darkness how can anyone see beyond and Into her soul. She awakes everyday not knowing; is today the day? Going through the motions , trying hard with her facade , when asked she says she is okay. Yes they have been fooled, another scar appears if only she can change herself with each new one then maybe just maybe she would not despise herself so. Can't you see she has grown tired of this journey and wants to leave and go to a sanctuary where if all this confusion would disappear maybe she would fall asleep and finally awake, feeling the weight lifted with each step; as you watch from a distance ; She slowly vanishes.
© 2015 cherry rose

If you do not walk upon this rocky road. Instead you roll your eyes and walk away not even trying to open your heart and see what is inside her, And the battle going on inside not only her mind but her body and heart.

I cannot promise you any set number of years. We both know fate has control of a part of our lives. I can promise you that for as long as I breathe I  will love you  with every fiber of my existence, I  can promise you that I  will give you all  that I  am.  I can promise you love like you have never known I  cant say felt for there are things that have brought us to where we are now.  I can say forever  because I  will love you beyond  forever  and eternity even if I  love  you from where wings flutter as whispers  from hummingbirds or doves,  maybe even angel wings.  I can hope it will  show and give you a love  to carry within you always. You gave me back my dreams and fantasy with reason to believe in love once again . I promise to cherish us and our love even if it is from another place  but my heart is yours  till forever and eternal. when I  say I  love  you it is as you say for always and I  say forever .


© 2015 cherry rose

Let me be your canvas , leave your words imprinted upon me, let it begin with the touch of your lips kiss.
Don't leave a part of me untouched with each stroke. Let your fingers write out every desire setting me and my body on fire. Only you , your heart and soul will and can leave your autograph etched upon my skin with the feathered quill gliding from head to toe. Leave it placed upon and within me, engrave into me your every fantasy where they will bloom with the colors of your ever so sweet nectar you left embedded inside me. I will be your story where there is a beginning but never an end. For you breathed life into your story beginning with the true lovers kiss and the stroke upon this canvas now that craves to read more of your biography and bioliogy. This is where your ink gently inscribed will remain forevermore.


© copyright ~cherry rose 2015

Laying here caught up in the anticipation of your kiss, Oh how you tease me; tracing my lips with the brush of your breath. Slipping your hands lightly down the curve of my waist; and upon my hips. The way you make me arch my back to meet your touch,as you pull me in closer .  .  .  Such calmness as you whisper " I love you, need, and desire you!" A sigh escapes me. Biting my lip, I crave to feel you as an imprint upon my skin. How you make me hunger for that moment our lips meet. Getting lost within each other's minds as our hearts beat, you pause looking deep into my eyes reading every secret my soul keeps. When did you find your way through every curve and path into me. Now we both surrender into our dreams that began with the stroke of your pen. A lovers fantasy turned into our eternity.

© copy write cherry rose  2015