Raw flesh drenched in alcohol
Burning numbing till paralyzed, keeps me still
                         Power you have over my being, keeps me fearing

             Your presence destroys me, shatters me
Feeling naked, inadequate when my eyes see
My reflection's negation in you
Cannot hide anything when you expose all of me

Wounded animal beaten without avail
Knowing, proprietor of my pain
               You don't understand my whimper, wail?
My blood being diluted by the sweat of your laborious efforts
Precociously tactful, inhumanly strangling my will

Ever-becoming antithesis to facades, fears, farces in me
Facing scalpels and clamps to my insecurities, my tactics, my pride
Leaving me open not caring if I'll die from exposure
                    Caring only that you're exposing the real me

I-nvoluntarily l-acerated, o-n the v-erge of e-nding u-ndone
Somberly Always Unsettling Leaving me bare

Give her a flower
She loves you just allow her
Hold her close
Sound of her voice
Play with her hair
Scent of a woman
Eyes get lost in them
She let you in
Love and respect her
Trust her or shell leave you
Passion like fire never let it burn out
She picked you
Had her doubts
She could've walked out
She tries to change
Once she's done maybe moving on
Her touch to fix

Life of the blue
My experiences true
Only if you knew
All the things I've been through
Not starting over
Finish what I started
Left with pain
Turn it into greatness
With or without you
Love for you slips away
Praying for better days
My love for animals
Warm blooded mammals
Lost it all working to get it all back
New generation raging emotions

i'm one quiver away from an opening act -
one clutch of the sheets from a bottle of red wine.
i'm three scratches away from new york city,
and a whisper or two from the top of the world.

i can't feel your hands moving rough against my skin,
but i can feel the chords snaking their way through my veins.
i can't see your ceiling fan working its lazy way in circles
or the crack in your wall from too many nights of rain,
but i can see the silhouettes of a full house through a film of smoke
settled just below the track lights.
i can't hear your breath catch or my name fall from your lips,
but i can hear whistles and catcalls and the ring of a telephone.

tell them i'm on my way. tell them i'll catch a plane.
tell them they made the right choice this time.

choke me, fill me, scar me, **** me.
i'll bleed, but the headlines will  be worth it.

Like a ******* nagging
Ache
Embedded deep in
My neck

Just like the one
I wake up to
Every night
And Morning

I just can't
Sleep
Without that feeling
Greeting me
Every
Single
*******
Morning

They call it
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In other words
My nerves are worked up
All the time
For no reason
Just
In general
Always
Neverending
Undying

I don't believe in meds
I feel like they'd only
**** me up
Worse than I feel
Most of the time
So I trudge through
These muddied
Hallowed waters
And thick jungles
Of fire
Accompanied by intermittent bursts
Of skin-burning frozenness

Nothing is good
Nothing is right
If only my brain decided
To be this unstoppable
In all the other areas of my life
Maybe things would be a little
Better
But they're not
And I work every day to make it so
My life might be a little easier
The next morning
The next night
The next go around

But I don't know
I never know
This **** takes hold of me
And throws me down that pit
Leaves me there with no food
No water
No love
It sits there
Smile, taps its foot
And waits for me
To die

I am a delicate flower in the midst of fiery winter.
I am the gust of wind that brushes through the trees.
I am a cold burst of water that chills you to the bone.
I am the solid brick wall which beyond no one sees.

I am stuck up, I am humble.
I am weak, I am strong.
I am timid, I’m outgoing.
I’m veracious, I am wrong.

And though I can’t undo the shadows of a shallow heart,
And though I can’t reveal a window to the deepest sea,
And though I don’t know where we are or how the rain should fall,
The roses either bloom with life or wash away the tree.

If forgiveness isn’t in the cards,
The quiet stillness reigns.
I’ll always know the deep desires
Of this messed up game.

*I forfeit,
For I am better than this.

It’s when traces of you show in me
That I’m disgusted with the person within.
Conquering heredity is the most difficult task
I’ve ever assigned to myself.

Bleed out of my tears
And let a new fortune tingle my fingertips.

It doesn’t come on a horse-drawn carriage.
It doesn’t come as tall, dark, and handsome.
It doesn’t come with a prince’s crown.
It doesn’t come with magic fairy dust.

Forget the chick flicks.
Forget the old school fairy tales.
Forget the Nicholas Sparks novels.
Forget playing M.A.S.H. when you were six years old.

I’m not sure how it works
(Because, trust me, I wish I did).
But this culture has brainwashed our intelligent minds
To writhing pulps obsessed with “love.”
You do not love.
You love to love. And there is a great difference, my dears.
For when you truly love, you don’t feel it.
You do it.

And whoever told you that:
“Immature love says, ‘I love you because I need you.”
Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.’”
…
Well, they have foolishly blundered.
For you don’t “need” to be in love.
Mature love should say, “I love you because I love you,
And I have no explanation for why that is,
But I will always choose to do right by you.”

I don’t have the answer,
So I don’t ask the question.
But I’m not silly enough to believe what the world screams at me.

All I really wanted
          All I was trying to do
                    All I was seeking
                              Was for someone to see through it
                    For someone to know me
          For someone to fight
It always comes back to that