i have always fantasized about love
about being loved,
loving someone,
and bringing love into the world.
i have always worried that
i was unlovable
because
who would want to love
someone with so many
scars
&
bites
&
burns
&
open wounds?
someone who still fantasizes about love
when they have never seen it
outside of a fantasy

you are the mosquito
that bites
you are the mosquito
that remains unseen
you are the mosquito
and leaves me with
itches & irritation
you are the mosquito
that flies away
when you have finished
taking my blood
taking what you want

sometimes
it hurts so bad to close a chapter to your life that was so good
because there is the constant fear lingering in my mind
that maybe the next chapter won’t be as good
because when in my life will I meet another person like these people
because
sometimes
it’s hard to believe
that I could get that lucky twice

i feel small
but
still i wonder
will i
fit through
these walls

i'm content with my life
in this moment
but also
in this moment
i think
it would be better with you

the first playlist you made me
gave me a glimpse into your soul
it told me you have been hurt before
despite this
you continue to believe in love
despite this
you believe in loving me

i did not know i was capable of hate
especially
hating someone who
helped create me