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charmaine Mar 2014
You love to give me your pain,
to give me the pain that has slapped
you around, kicked you down,
made you hate those who love you.

Your pain has made you turn into
a monster.

Your pain that I've carried since arrival.

It's made me you.

Your pain who I can't fix,
has left me empty.

The pain we carry runs our lives,
and controls me.

Pain that blew our brains out,
swallowed those pills,
and we departed.
charmaine Sep 2013
i know i'm not special,
not worth the love
you've given me
or lack of,
i don't deserve your forgiveness,
so i just sit back and let you
get your anger out.

let you hurt me as I've hurt you.

submit to every request,
will that make you happy?
will it make you feel better?

anything for you i'll do
because I've hurt you as you're beginning to hurt me.

it will be okay,
i can cut all the pain away.
will that make it better?

i'll hold my tongue when you
make fun of me
as it is, i made fun of you too.

i'll stay up nights making sure you are okay,
while i cry all night
wishing i was dead.

but its okay, because i do it for you.
because while you hurt me for hurting you
, i still care.

you don't even have to say sorry,
i'll deal with it.

while i tried to love you,
you didn't accept it
a joke you called it,
fake.

i kept quiet, don't argue.
it will get better.

no apologies can
make it better
so i let you get it out
while i sit back and take it.

because while you're killing me for
hurting you,
i *died.
charmaine Sep 2013
i've lost that touch
that inspiration
part of me
half of my soul
gone away.

thoughts are scrambled
can't think straight
days and nights seem
to collide.

can't be myself
what the hell
is going on?

helpp please.

i am dying.
something off the top of my head.
charmaine Aug 2013
i struggle with life
Out of my control
Not of sight.

pain is all i feel
In my eyes it flows

Simple is what I want
I receive the ok
Settle for the less

I struggle with life
Who doesn't
but what can we do?

Cest la vie
charmaine Aug 2013
Some days I think I'm dead,
not of body but of mind,
it can't seem to think and all I do is cry.
Why?
I don't know it's the only thing letting me know I'm *alive.
charmaine Aug 2013
rock bottom
not in control
love used to excite me
now all i do is sleep and wait for the minutes
to pass.

Food became my friend
as it was i had none.
pants started to rip
shirts could no longer fit.
*** now is fat

Hair is short and dead
eyes blacken and tired
nails bitten

Past haunts me
scared of the world
stuck in a trap
waiting to break out

Help.
charmaine Aug 2013
Fed-up
Would die to give up
Am i brave enough too?
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