We stand, close enough to touch,
Our heads and hearts already entwined
In our inescapable knot of love.

Face to face,
Heart to heart
Just like it always has been.

Words tumble through my mind, trip on my tongue
Butting gently at my lips
I want to spit them out and let you see
All of my insides.
These knotted thoughts and unknown parts,
This tangled mess of confusion and fear
Belong to you alone,
To you alone my dear.

Cut me open with your love
Expose every vein and bone.
Find every secret, every feeling.
Please understand my scrambled mind,
In a way I never want to.
Please tease out the knots of pain
And make them something new and limitless.

Amongst this uncontrollable ocean of  me, I treasure you.
Every touch, every kiss,
Our desperate and uncontrollable passion.
I pull together, to make a raft
To float above the frightening depths
I’m too afraid to swim.

You are my life boat
I need you to breath, I need you to be,
Don’t let me sink into the darkening depths of me.
My love, my light, I’ll follow you
Across these dark, intrepid seas
Because you alone,
You, alone my love,
Are the beautiful part of me.

When you’re drunk I think of you
The blanket over your senses
The numbness you feel from head to toe
As your feet bump and slide together
You watch them, fighting separately for progress

You get embarrassed when I mention
Your attempts at communication
Something along the lines of
“ H love yov so ro so much”
It’s the thought that counts I suppose

I pretend I don’t count the hours
Or the scenarios in my head
Of all the places you could have been
All the things you could have done

I am a carefree lover

“I’ll be careful! I promise!” You stress
That bland lie
Leaves your tongue with the sweetest intentions
And I love you for your attempts at reassurance
“I know dear, you always are.”

And we smile together,  in our unintentional ignorance.

In this shroud of warmth
I hide
Clutching every part of me
Together
As insecurity swells and burns

The hem must surely go down
Some more
The neck must pull up
Further
I want to submerge

Sink into the scratchy tent
Completely
Drown amongst my
Limbs
As I writhe and stretch to provide sufficient space

For the monster inside my head

How can you enjoy love?
When he stole it from you

She sat where she had sat on the stair
Held her head in her hands
And felt the fists and the feet
Pushing himself inside
And taking her out

She could see him leering
In her unreflective eyes

She would no longer let him fester in her soul
Deep rooted
Wrapped around her veins and muscles
Interlocked within her every intimate move

A pat on the back
Would never penetrate deep enough
To wrap her scars in silk
And tease out the knots they had forged around her heart

So she wore the lipstick she had worn
Smudged poorly over her child lips
Bright red so all could see
Every kiss she had placed
Over every place he had been.

My polka dot Mama
Speckled with drops of love
Not blood

How can you enjoy life?
When he took every chance you had

All I can do is
Sit
And
Stare
At the shapes your mouth is forming.

The O’s and the A’s
knitted into words
Your lips tremble
But  your words still find me

Hide and seek with my hands

Its too much
Its too wrong
Its not true
I’m not going to let it be.

Crying
Is an option
But you need me
Role reversal I watch you cry
Awkward pat across the seats

Why tell me here? Cars have no hiding places.

We stare blindly in the direction of the windscreen
I pretend it’s a television
Count the trees, count the sheep
Distraction from you

I want my bliss back