Why do you even like me. if you were as mean to me as I am to you I would leave you in the middle of the street to get hit by a car, but you forever push me out of oncoming traffic.

I wish I liked old movies and the sound of your guitar.  
I don't.

I really don't want to be the jealous type. But he causes me to have these really violent feelings that I don't want. I know he doesn't feel the same. That he wouldn't fight for my love the way I have been fighting for his. So I'm going to let this **** fly n find an outlet.

I no longer try for pretty or smart maybe mediocre may do of course because I'm not good enough why can't you see the girl in the picture the mirror ain't me
or at least I hope to believe.
She doesn't have long hair or big beautiful eyes
so I'll throw on some makeup for a disguise.
I look around at all of my friends and I know they're sick of all my complaining.
They say oh how your so tall and have such pretty skin but the girl I want to be is not so thin.
I don't fit in with the crowd Im surrounded with, big ***** and **** I'm an outsider to them.
I fit the image of the "model type" with long legs and thin but my skin ain't right.
People say others would pay for what i have, they could have it as long as they ask.
But still the girl before me isn't who I see when I close my eyes,
she isn't the girl I recognize.
Yes I want to be flawless and pretty as she
but that girl still
isn't me.

I don't love him. I mean tell him I do n maybe I do but not like that deep connective way real people do. And the truth I'm pretty sure he doesn't either. But what if, for a second, I  truly have started to fall, it only hurts to know he'll never see me like that in his eyes at all.

I like that I could write here.
I'm somebody and nobody at the same time. Here and there with no inbetween. known and invisible behind the screen/scene.  Isn't that what everybody wants.

Most people lose there " imaginary" friends around five but I never lost mine. some how the girl who once use to be my friend became a piece of my being. As if the person was never a character I created in my little overactive mind but only a piece of myself I was saving for a rainy day or a better tomorrow. I remember being jealous of that girl she was prettier, smarter, and cooler then I could ever be but now in my big girl eyes I was everything she ever wanted to be: real

When you believe that he's take Everything away from you so there is nothing more left. just checking your pulse because you're still alive .

Every lie sounds better in a rhyme

All I can remember is the smell in the room, not her face, not the noises, just ... The smell. It was like all the grief and all the pain she suffered was filling up the room with this  suffocating stench. I felt like her pain was now seeping into my own pores into my bloodstream. As she was finally being released from this hell, I was just captured and being called a prisoner. The only way out, was her only way out. I would soon have to follow in her same fate as if it had always been my own destiny. For we all know we are born to die... But my question is why. My question is for what. Why have we had to go through so much pain,so much trials for it to all end so... Abruptly. What was our purpose and do we ever achieve it, and if we don't, and if we fail are we still prisoners to this hell. Well, why ask these question when silence is your only answer, so I stay quiet and absorb the smell.

He's made me scared of love, I can no longer trust. I'm not sure if I'm scared of being hurt or that love feels like a risk im taking in my life. What happens if I love and he doesn't love me back, what happens if I love and he loves me back. I don't know what to expect and once before I was ok with that but I'm no longer that girl all because he made me scared of love.

I remember him telling me how I was special. That he could see our future together, but still in the same breath he would tell me about this new girl he liked and how soft her lips were. Every description of this new girl just reminded me of everything I wasn't  and never would be. But I wasn't her and didn't want to be. He always told me how jealous he would be over my future boyfriend from then I knew the bs but made him run his mouth anyway as he told me how beautiful and **** I was. But still he would go back and tell me about how much he was in love with my best friend. When it was just the two of us he would wrap me in his arms and tell me just how perfectly I fit, how perfectly we fit , but then he would turn around and hug my friend up from behind and ask her " would you be mine". So you see I should have know that when he dipped me and laid his lips on mine it was just another joke, I was just another game, he never really cared, he just wanted another name. Another name on the kiss list.