i did a funny thing today:
i went right up to my shower
head, you know, one of those
reflective kinds where you can
see your face warping into the
funniest shapes (i didn't laugh),
i went right up to it and watched
as my mouth filled up with warm
water over and over again; and
spilled out over and over again too,
like pools and waterfalls or blood
and drowning (morbidity isn't
really my style, but i went with it),
for an hour, at least.
afterwards, i brushed my teeth
and noticed the hoodlum shadows
underneath my bright blues that
used to be so beloved by my
scatterbrained spanish teacher
and the sweet lady who helped
to surgically extract four pieces
of usurping bone from the corners
of my mouth.

i think one existential crisis is quite
enough for one day, thank you.

******* i forgot to shave.

I see your face
I crave your company
why am I so full of wanting?
enamored with your smile
your roaming fingers
entranced by what is
behind your eyes
I'll grow close to you
take your love
and **** it dry
I
am
a monster.
never satisfied.

Words cannot describe,
What i feel at midnight.
Laying in bed,
Remembering the good-old-days in my head.

When you and me use to be we

When it was you and I
No one else on the side.
I want to be back in your arms
For you to hold me
Tell me I'm yours.

So why cant we break that door
And let me in once more?
I'll do better
Wont fall for another feller

'Cause all I need
Is for us to once again be we.

i didn't really know until
i took that polaroid of you;
you had your hand over
a candle flame and the
shadows dancing between
your fingers illuminated
the spare patches of snow
remaining on the playground.
there was no mistaking
the draining of my swimming
pool of ego as i witnessed
you staring out from each
ice crystal reflection in awe:
your smile tumbled down
the slide and spilled into laughter
while
your voice lilted up the rock wall
and sang in triumph at the top --
and this is when i knew i would
write another poem about you.

i forgot to mention  i've been
drinking my coffee black --
and sometimes, for the hell of it,
i write love and hate in sharpie
on my knuckles because i can't
get it tattooed. every now and then
i even try to carve your name into
the knots and whorls of my spine,
just so i can make believe
i am the man in that one song
you always seem to be singing.

Sometimes I
                            p
                                o                                      all that I have, all of my energy
                                  u                            & time, maybe even some of my love    
                                    r                       
                                      ­                   into
                             **nothing

Alone in a cold place,
No escape is in sight.

All my thoughts are against me,
But I can no longer stand and fight.

I'm drained and empty of emotion;
Not a trace of a care.

Leaving a huge opening,
For the negative thoughts I can't bear.

Everything adds up,
One issue after the next.

Then they give me their problems too,
The only time I'm worth a text..

But I listen intently,
I let them speak their mind.

I take in all their pain,
And then it becomes mine.

My so-called 'best friends';
That's definitely not what I see.

How can they expect me to really care,
When they won't even try to for me?

So I'll pretend that I'm okay.
Not that they can really tell.

I'm dying on the inside,
And so I wish them all well.

hate
is a strong word
I assume that's why you use it
hate
is perhaps
the one emotion
I've never felt

Today can be a good day
Most people are good
There is ice cream in the freezer
You have your entire life to do everything you want
You can join a folk band later
You can be the person you are and want to be
You can watch all the beautiful movies ever made
You can read all the best books
You can take hot bubble baths and drink tea
You can ferment and can and make jam for the rest of your life
One day, you will have the time and dedication for a successful garden
You will make an impact on the people that let you
You can take moments and choose to be positive
You can grow an herb garden
You can watch funny videos when you’re sad
You can make pottery and jewelry
You can knit and cross stitch and weave
You can remember all the good things and the bad things and remember that these things made you, you
It’s okay to not like the things you have to do. Sometimes you still have to do them, sometimes you don’t
You can go get coffee and dinner with your mother
You can make your entire life beautiful
Even the bad stuff can be beautiful too
You can write for the rest of your life
You can read for the rest of your life
You can learn, learn, learn
You can love and love more and love more and more and more
You can eat new things all the time
You can use nice pens in nice journals
You can be somebody that you’re proud of