"I'm sorry for being a *****" said I,
A merciful hope and a terrible cry.

A terrible cry, a horrible plead
Wishing that you would concede

It's blatantly not my fault
That you're the one with words of salt

Salt that burns and sizzles and scalds
With the burden that I've hauled

I just wanted you to say
Anything else but "it's okay"

Should I be relieved?
Should I feel your pain?
I'm climbing aboard the anxiety train

Slyly,
swiftly,
silently,
secretly,
sweating with a breeze.

In, out,
get out,
hurry up,
don't make a sound,
and come back soon please.

Night,
after night,
after night,
after night,
and we know this isn't right.

But do we care,
no one cares,
pull my hair,
please do share,
you do this so right.

Keep going baby,
make my night.

I must be quite frank,
that when I see your face,
I am filled with delight,
and literally melt inside.

You're beautiful blue eyes,
make me tingle inside,
from my head to my toes,
and even in my nose.

And when I hold you in my arms,
with your body close to mine,
I wonder in my mind,
why are you with me?

How did pure perfection,
end up in my arms?
And how did someone as stunning as you,
end up with me, a loser?

Truth be told,
you are gorgeous,
you are brilliant,
you are perfect.

Everything about you,
from your hands to your feet,
to your cute voice,
which I find so sweet.

Everything about you,
I find to be amazing,
or perfect in some way,
I promise, it's true.

So take this to heart,
when I tell you,
I truly love you,
and that is the truth.

I look, appalled, at my hands
at my mouth
for the things they've done to you
denying my only promise to myself,
that you being hurt
would not be of my own doing.

Trying to tear away the skin
that holds memories
I wish hadn't happened
never works, I've learned.

But how does one,
ever forgive themselves
for something like
what i've done to you.

Not being able
to kiss your tears away
for the first time,
because I was
the one whose careless heart
sent them streaming down your cheeks
in the first place

kills
me.

1 a.m.
I decide it’s about time to go to bed.
My shivering body eagerly slips under the white down comforter,
the closest feeling to home, second to
your arms wrapped around me.
                                                             ­                                  i miss you.
Per usual, I am improperly dressed
my bare skin is cold to the touch,
I forget that 20 degree weather is actually cold
without you to curl up with.

2:04 a.m.
My decision to sleep was futile.

3 a.m.
I search for the moon in the clouds outside my window
but even the moon is sleeping, in love with the stars
who will hold it close for billions of years
until they’re dust like the rest of us.
                                                             ­                            i miss you.

3:37 a.m.
I may be restless and I may be a growing insomniac
but I have come to realize
that nighttime holds the world I have always wanted to live in:
the falseness is gone, there are no careers or school,
families have all fallen asleep
and the only ones I wish to talk to understand why
sleeping right now would be a waste of time.
The world changes after bedtime, only laughter and freedom can matter
nobody will tell me to put my clothes on,
and staying up with you
is like having my own storybook.
The traffic lights are empty, the forest is open to roam,
the sky is dark and the streetlights only light up what is necessary,
in this little town you can still see the stars,
and there’s not much to do
but when all the people lock their houses and fall asleep
and we get bored of driving around,
the little diner will still be open, empty at this hour
minus the waitress and the cook,
who I don’t think mind anyway.

4 a.m.
I imagine your mouth millimeters from my neck,
whispering things that melt the thin varnish of frost that my sparse clothes could not protect me from.

4:18 a.m.**
At this time I am positively sleepless, you’re still not in my bed but the hope never goes away.
I’m unwilling to waste the last hour
before alarms ring, starbucks opens, and the average people begin to
roam around me and I must put up with reality until it goes to bed again.

Cry your eyes out,
till they're red and dry,
and no tears will escape,
those soulful eyes.

Lay your head down,
and wait for night to come,
where the peaceful dark,
will become your home.

Wake up to the morning,
and slowly rise,
your eyes feel dead,
yet your body is somehow alive.

Look into the mirror,
try to recognize your face,
let the feeling come back,
when you knew your place.

Cast aside those thoughts,
don't let them bother you,
get set for today,
because today is new.

It's time to fight back,
not silently but out loud,
your glares can combine,
with the strength of your words.

They will not get away,
with their games this time,
because your eyes will catch,
their every crime.