his heart was full of depth,
but he chose to let it hide
and masked his pain with pills
and smokes and jokes and lies

(i) was fascinated

but
people, we, have been taught
that we (can) have what ever we want
if we want it just enough
so we let greed fill our lungs
blur our eyes
even though
we know
deep down
we should have been told
that we can (not) have
what does not belong to us

i was fascinated,
scared as well,
because
in between your mind games
and confident smiles
a hidden part of you were shared
uncertain
you let me in

but
we, people, can not (have)
what does not belong to us
i whispered
so i sent (you)
away

*(k.w)

i reached heaven too early
my peak was long ago
i took a hit of love
and it kept me high for years
but now the smoke has cleared
and i am all alone

blue walls
white clouds
a tree goes up
to the ceiling
i remember
this sacred place
as well as i
remember your face
you were a man
of wilderness
you made me believe
that i was the jane
to your tarzan
even though really
i was nothing but a mall girl
playing pretend
in your bed
you first kissed me there
under a may sky
you first touched me there
with nothing but your walls watching
you made love to me there
with the blue screen glowing
and we whispered to each other
as if the animals on your walls
could hear us
we dreamed as if we were actually
in the sky

before you attempt to date me
i want you to know
that though i may be beautiful
and though i may smile at the right moments,
i am nothing but
someone addicted to love.
and that i can put on a show
that will be given nothing but 10/10
but please remember that that's all it is:
a show.
because there has already been someone
where you want to go
there has been someone
(who is a stranger to you)
who has kissed my scars
and told me he would marry me.
he has made me ***
four times in forty seconds,
but i promise i won't compare.
even if he did wear magnums
and go down on me
every time i asked
(no, i promise i won't compare)
but anyway,
the reason i bring this up
is that nothing you do will be new to me
and you can think you're good
and you can try and change my mind
but you won't.
and i can honestly say that i don't think you'll try all that hard
because i am a sad girl
and boys get tired of those
faster than they'll admit.
(god, do i know)
they would rather date someone
who will give them what they need
and be nice and sweet and lovely
than be with someone like me
who craves love
the way addicts crave
their next pick me up
someone like me
who cuts her skin for fun
just to see the blood
run down my arm
and feel something other than
him.
inside my head
my heart
every part of me
pushing whatever is left of me out
letting him just take over,
****** every thought.
i simply cannot forget
the love that we had
so if you want to date me
go ahead.
but i just want you to know
that it will never just be you and me
no matter what you do
there will always be three.