I spend too many nights thinking
Wondering, writing, dreaming
Of someone who doesn't even think of me

I hope you fall in love with being alive
That you feel it coarsing through your veins
Pumping in your heart
A light feeling in your chest
And all you want to do is scream for joy

I only wish my first love would have been myself

I may be broken
But I'm anything far from fragile

No amount of time would ever be enough with you

He whispers in my ear again
A beautiful fallen angel
Asking to take my hand
To dance in the dead, black night
To make a deal to have my soul
To set fire to everything
And burn together forever

I'll love you till the end of this life
And in my next life, I'll find you
I'll keep finding you for as long as I have to
Cause none of this matters without you

I miss the warm, summer days
Sitting next to you in the grass
With flowers in my hair
A smile on your face
Falling in love
Feeling like we had all the time in the world
Thinking life was so simple
That we'd be together forever

I keep myself busy
Try to drown myself in things that make me happy
But it's always in the back of my mind
An ache in the chest
A feeling that leaves me hollow
An incurable obsession that has long followed me
It's impossible to forget the soul that kissed my heart

I hope when my time has come
And I'm long gone
Someone looks at my words
The words that came from my soul
All the feelings of love, pain, happiness, emptiness, growth
And they know they would have loved me

My life is a book
Full of words, love, life
Heartbreak, loss, victories
Of firsts and lasts
Lessons and memories
Some pages are torn
Battered and worn
Stained with time
Others are filled with stories
While some are fresh pages
Waiting for the touch of ink

You found me when I was damaged, barely alive
You took me and planted me in the richest soil
You watered me every day, showered me with love
You were patient, took your time
You never gave up on me
Even when things didn't look so great
But I finally felt the sun and opened myself up
Could feel myself blooming, rising from the ground
Until I was the most beautiful flower you've ever seen

I love someone I can't love anymore
And it haunts me to my bones

The toughest pill I had to swallow was knowing the person I wanted the most was incapable of loving me

I spent a lot of time searching for love in the darkest places

Another day of fighting
Sitting on the bathroom floor, feeling defeated
Listing everything wrong with me, everything I hate
Picking myself apart until there's nothing left
Till I can't stand it
One day I'll love myself
Until then I don't want to be you anymore

I dream of the day we wake up and find our way back to each other

Standing on the rooftop with you
I want to see the world
Specks of stars in the sky
The man in the moon
Traffic humming in the background
I look in your eyes
Feelings come rushing back
Years of memories we have
I want to touch your skin
Feel your lips on mine
There's nothing more I want
But you're not mine
And it kills me to stand so close to you
And pretend I'm just fine
When I never stopped loving you
But time isn't on our side
Too early, too late
Could never get it quite right
But I would wait till the end of time
Just to have your lips on mine

It took a long time for me to figure out forgiveness
I carried hurt and anger around with me
Let them eat a hole inside me
Driving me mad
Till I couldn't stand it
Till I knew it was time to let go
To let my heart be free
Because the hurt and anger no longer belonged to me

Meet me in my dreams tonight
Where we can be together
And not have a worry in the world
Just the two of us
Till the sun shines

I write you words I never got to say

You have a way with words
And your silence is a curse

I know you're tired of fighting
Tired of fighting the feelings you have
Of letting them take over
Letting them sit with you
Having them tear you to shreds
But you are strong
You are brave
So much braver than you think
You're a warrior
Ready for battle, resilient
And you'll keep fighting

It's funny how we struggle to let things go
We hold on as tight as we can
Till our knuckles are white
The fear of the unknown too much to handle
Not knowing what comes next or where life will take us
What life will be like without a person we love, without a routine we've had for years, what makes us, us
We would rather hurt ourselves by holding on than accept the unknown, accept letting go
Laying in bed each night praying the hurt goes away
That you can make it another day
Even though you feel like your whole body is breaking
And that you're so alone
But eventually it gets better
It gets easier to get out of bed, the sun shining through the blinds illuminating the room
And you feel the warmth, the light
You start to heal
You start to find yourself again and what you love
You go to your favorite coffee shops, you enjoy reading new books, going on walks, and exploring new scenery
And everything feels so fresh and brand new
A feeling you haven't felt in a long time
And it's so liberating
To feel free, to feel that in your heart
And to know that it's all going to be okay

I'm tired of losing sleep over you
Still I'm lying here
Wide awake with the thought of loving you

I always love the things that rip me to pieces

I wish you could see how beautiful you are
Just by effortlessly being yourself

Dancing in your party dress
Singing along to Tom Petty
Twirling around and around
The brightest smile on your face
A girl so full of life
So in love with life
And that's how I always remember you

I knew I loved you when you saw the real me
Grabbed my hand
And stayed

We're drunk in the back of a taxi
Your arm around me, care free
City lights shining down on us
Thousands upon thousands
Illuminating the night
But you look at me like I'm the brightest you see

There is no safer place I know
than tucked in sheets
with my legs intertwined with yours
the feel of your bare skin on mine
and my hand on your heart

You caged me like a bird
Broke my spirit, clipped my wings
You loved me but didn't want me free

I don't have to question the path you lead me on
I know I am safe with you

I still love him
And I can't imagine the day I won't

I never understood the saying "If you love someone, let them go."
It always baffled me.
Why would you want to let someone go if you love them?
That isn't what love is about.
Little did I know, I had no clue what love was about.
But I understand now.
I've loved plenty of people in my life and have let them go.
I still love them but I let go.
It's about wanting to see them happy, even if you're not the one to make them happy anymore.
It's about wanting the best for them in their life even if that doesn't include you.
It's understanding that you will never be apart of their life and accepting it.
It's accepting change.
I'm the type of girl who fights nail and tooth to hold onto people, places, things. Even if it's served it's purpose and isn't beneficial to me anymore.
That's been my hardest journey in life..is letting go.
But I think I finally understand and have come to terms with it.
I still love the people I love, and I always will.
But I finally accept it is best to set them free.
Because I love them.

My hell exists
It's in the middle of the night
Awake
With a dagger to my heart
Knowing I'm without you

I hope you find what you're searching for
And if you don't, I hope you find much greater

Something is changing and I think it might be me

Maybe I had too much to drink
Or you just made me dizzy, cloud nine
Your hands on my waist
Slow dancing with me, whispering sweet nothings
Your breath in my ear
Lips on my skin, pulling me closer
I fell in love tonight
I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me
But laying on your chest, feeling your heart beat
I knew I was exactly where I belonged

Sunshine upon my face
The warmest feeling I've known
The fluttering in my chest, the air in my lungs
Feel like I'm floating
Never coming down
A free spirit
And I can't be tamed

I'm trying to turn the page
But it's breaking my heart knowing you're not in the next chapter

The day you left everything went dark
Cold, empty
I went looking for you
Looking for the light, the warmth
I wandered aimlessly, searching
Desperate pleas for you to return
Screaming for you, hysterical
Can you hear me?
I am still searching

I turned my pain into power
And now I'm invincible

I think of you when I hear sad songs
When I hear the rain pattering on the roof
In the purple of sunsets
Sunday mornings
The bottom of my wine glass
In the words of my favorite book
The satin of my favorite blouse
And all of the small things

I could travel the world
Fall in love a hundred times
Search from the highest mountains
To the deepest seas
But yet your arms will always feel the most like home to me

The moment I let you go, I found myself
I had been buried, left behind
Waiting to be found
And I was so happy to set myself free

I would walk through fire to kiss your lips one last time

I can't run after you anymore
Cause every time I do, I leave myself behind