You look at me with love shining through the blue,

your stare lingers when I part ways with your eyes,
and you don’t have a clue.

you couldn’t possibly see me internally cry
but I try,
I try to make you see
being yours is all I‘m truly longing to be.

Your scent left traces,
clung onto all possible spaces.

I’m still in awe,
though you left hours ago,
attaching me slowly,
a feeling so raw.

My face melting into the pillow you laid on,
recalling the sweater you wore,
on which I secretly prayed on,
in silence,
in your arms.

How the flames flicker,
flicker high,
and once they die,
so does the sweet feeling of bliss,
fading,
leaving a trace of smoke,
something bitter,
bitter cold.

I remember you playing with my hair,
no comment,
no laughter.

It wasn't the usual way friends do it.

You looked at me with admiration,
with love,
playing with my hair with no explanation.

I am on my knees begging for your mercy.
Lend me the sword you carry in your words and let me finish the deed myself, if you can’t find the strength to do it on your own.

Let me die with broken dreams but don’t let me hang onto impossibility

If loving you means leaving,
you shall detach the very last bit of me thats left from yourself,
throw it far away,
let it loose its flavor,
for the rest of me is already turned to dust in your favor.

Take me away,
carry me to a different universe all at once.
I devote every atom of my existence to you.

Take me somewhere you could feel comfortable enough to love me,
some place where people around are invisible,

our love is invincible.

Rip me apart further,
tear away the last seem that holds me in pieces.

Make my lungs collapse
at the thought of your breath never being the oxygen I get to inhale,
airways crippling like you appear to be my holy grail.

Truly I wish you would put me on maps
for maps could finally lead my way to an end,
closure,
I could only pretend.

Now you left again,
somehow this hurt more than last time.
I feel tears rolling in,
knowing the last we parted and you left our hometown.

I was a wreck.
I was nothing but an empty shell of pieces stacked.
I feel the distance as soon as you left my arms,
ready to go reach for the door,
how I wish you would’ve stayed,
sincerely I want nothing more.

As you’re lying there,
inches apart,
face to face with me and still in his arms
I wonder,
would it hurt you to just scoot over,
would it hurt you to be someone I wouldn’t have to loose for closure.

Yet you stay,
positioned strictly,
and I feel I miss you,
the second my thoughts become sickly.

You’re helpless,
helplessly waiting for someone to say the exact words you expect to hear

but they won’t come.

They won’t come because each time someone reaches out,
you build up the walls around your thoughts,
and how could someone know how to get through to you,
when you’re just being too much.

I see glowing aquamarine in your eyes,
endless waters passing by,
yet you don’t notice the earth collapsing in mine,
coffee growing stronger each time we aline,

and each time we don’t,
I hate waiting for a sign.

To see someone live the life I wanted with you,
giving each other the word for eternity

I will crumble to my feet
and drag the possibility of us with me.

may the time ever come I get to tell you
„I love you“,
know that,
truly paper and pen have seen me dedicating these words to you long before you did.

I watch the sea crash onto the sand at sunset,
the orange tinted blue never leaving their blue hued brown for just a second,

our eyes never changing directions.

The blue bleeds into the brown,

fading unnoticed into this connection.

May the day ever come,
we see blue and brown part,
so will vanish everything else along with them,

laying their fate in the stars.

If you lost the spark in your eyes,
the spark that showed me mercy
when the rest of you forced me onto my knees,
ready to be met with the edge of the sword you carry in your words,
then i am not to love anymore.
not myself, nor anybody else.
my heart shall remain cold until we cross paths again,
someday,
somewhere.

I recognize pieces of you in everything and all that I do.
Every person resembling you in the slightest,
I see you.
Every piece of clothing you own,
every thing you’ve ever liked,
every thing you’ve ever disliked,
I see you.
Every mention of your name,
every appearance of merely just your initials.

I wish I was blind, but still then my mind would continue to torture me inside.

My mind is burning,
burning up all memories,
destroying all truths I held into.

I needed the calmness of the see I recognize in your being,

in order to extinguish the devastating fire
reigning in mine.

Everything in me craves for you to find happiness,
find love,
someone to watch out for you, whilst I have been conditioned to watch from afar.
I know what you’ve been through,
you told me.
What a monster I‘d be if i didn’t forgive and forget,
knowing the love that’ll always co-exist with my being,
unconditionally,
for you.

Everything is in questions.
Your words, your actions,
my mind.
Endless questions blaming you,
blaming me.
Leaving a mark on my heart.
Whilst you’ve moved on with scratches
I’ve ripped myself apart,
still clawing onto the injuries you’ve engrained into my skin and soul.

I hate to love you