may the time ever come I get to tell you
„I love you“,
know that,
truly paper and pen have seen me dedicating these words to you long before you did.

I watch the sea crash onto the sand at sunset,
the orange tinted blue never leaving their blue hued brown for just a second,

our eyes never changing directions.

The blue bleeds into the brown,

fading unnoticed into this connection.

May the day ever come,
we see blue and brown part,
so will vanish everything else along with them,

laying their fate in the stars.

If you lost the spark in your eyes,
the spark that showed me mercy
when the rest of you forced me onto my knees,
ready to be met with the edge of the sword you carry in your words,
then i am not to love anymore.
not myself, nor anybody else.
my heart shall remain cold until we cross paths again,
someday,
somewhere.

I recognize pieces of you in everything and all that I do.
Every person resembling you in the slightest,
I see you.
Every piece of clothing you own,
every thing you’ve ever liked,
every thing you’ve ever disliked,
I see you.
Every mention of your name,
every appearance of merely just your initials.

I wish I was blind, but still then my mind would continue to torture me inside.

My mind is burning,
burning up all memories,
destroying all truths I held into.

I needed the calmness of the see I recognize in your being,

in order to extinguish the devastating fire
reigning in mine.

Everything in me craves for you to find happiness,
find love,
someone to watch out for you, whilst I have been conditioned to watch from afar.
I know what you’ve been through,
you told me.
What a monster I‘d be if i didn’t forgive and forget,
knowing the love that’ll always co-exist with my being,
unconditionally,
for you.

Everything is in questions.
Your words, your actions,
my mind.
Endless questions blaming you,
blaming me.
Leaving a mark on my heart.
Whilst you’ve moved on with scratches
I’ve ripped myself apart,
still clawing onto the injuries you’ve engrained into my skin and soul.

I hate to love you