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Celeste Jul 2014
sharp shots to the nerves
helping to dissipate the numb that
infects the core

footsteps creeping forward
approaching something
that appears to look like better stories

faces painted for the daytime
keeping the moments predictable but
leaving the hearts yearning for chaos in the nighttime
Celeste Jun 2014
you were the shot of adrenaline
that drenched my veins with coursing fire
i couldn't eat and sleep
i guess my body couldn't handle the high gained from the thoughts of you

now you aren't there
and i'm crashing hard and fast
the alternatives aren't working
and i can't stop thinking thinking thinking
wondering why you told such addicting lies

you heightened my anxiety
in an oddly pleasurable (and perhaps masochistic) way
now i'm suffering from the pangs of withdrawal
without closure i'm left craving more
depression has seemed to be the only consistent company i've had
no thanks to you

and i ******* hate how i still love the sound of your name
i feel like this is crap but it's honest for the moment
  May 2014 Celeste
Jordan Clark
There's a place in the sea,
calling out to me.
It says "You're not as lonely
as you have to be.

And though you're on your own,
catching feelings that were never thrown,
look upon yourself and this will be known:
You have the purest heart beneath your bones.

So swim, swim out, and don't you dare stop.
Reach this island and climb to the top.
Here there are no worries of schools and shops;
just peace, serenity, and a nice clean drop."

"You threaten me with an end, but what for?"
"This is no end my friend, don't be a bore,
it's clear you've lost everything you adore,
but you've lost a battle and there's still a war.

So swim, swim out, and you'll find what you need.
Keep your hands open and I'll place in a seed.
Remember for what it is that you bleed,
and they'll follow you when you're ready to lead.

Because though you will be all alone,
catching feelings that were never thrown,
plant this here and it will be known,
you've found a castle all your own."

There's a place in the sea,
calling out to me,
where most men would drown
but I will be King.
Celeste May 2014
Your body shall fix
What you your mind sought to destroy
Scars are hard to accept but they show that you've healed
  May 2014 Celeste
Theia Gwen
That girl
Is skin and bones
Takes long drags on her cigarette
Makes funny comments
About not eating
She's mysterious and vague
And she's not real
Eating disorders are not fun,
Or cute, or romantic, or tragically beautiful
There's nothing romantic
About worrying about
Your breath smelling
Of ***** while kissing
Someone you love
There's nothing romantic
About seeing an expensive dinner
Your boyfriend bought you
Swim blurrily in the toilet
There's nothing beautiful
About rotted teeth
And hair growing on your arms
If you think this is beautiful,
You can have it in exchange
For the ability to do basic things
I need in order to live
Like ******* eat  
It's not beautiful
To never feel beautiful
And never love yourself
So when we see ribs on a girl
And you see romance,
I'll see her ribs
As a cage
Keeping the pain in
My bulimia has come back bad again.
Celeste May 2014
And still I am searching in all the wrong places...
But for what?
  May 2014 Celeste
marina
i want to cut myself
open, and pour out every
word i thought about
telling you but never did

and stitch myself
up without anyone's help,
and clean away everything
i have depended on to fill
empty spaces, and replace it
with something new

i want to paint over my
wounds so that i don't have
to be reminded of what
i went through to get here

i want to be beautiful without
you, i want to be courageous
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