oh silent night
oh loud ******* smashing crashing thunderous night of silence
come now
fast and furious
and leave something in your trail
a thousand snowflakes falling fast to freeze the summer

and I'm curious
are you beckoned by some secret call?
or is your arrival preceded by your own free will
it is of little consequence

this time I ask you to please leave something sweet
I implore you to ignore your spiteful resentment of all things young and springlike
and deliver some sort of hope this winter
no more crushing confusion
and mistakes mistook for progress

I ask you to step aside for one season
and let the air cool itself as it draws across the empty boughs of the birch and oak
let it feel the lonesome space around the branches
and in response it will pull all of its moisture together to bleach the bone of this earth
it will go through the throws and tantrums
storms and winds to change the landscape
it doesn't need you

also please do not drive away the birds of summer
simply let them leave on their own accord
when the air feels it is time for an empty sky it will pressure its priests to move on
they don't need your crushing force

let the wheels of this earth slowly come to a halt at the right time
don't force them to turn at your command
what is natural is natural
and what will happen will happen
I beg you to please step aside this season

be confident in autumn to set up what you so vigorously enforce
just nap for awhile
go with the bear and come back in spring
or better yet go with a brood of cicada and come back in a few years
we can keep up the work in your name
you will emerge with a better reputation and a rested mind


maybe you will take a different stance
maybe you will feel less obliged to follow this tradition
maybe you will find that inside of you lay an invincible summer

tell me why its hard for me to live out my own philosophy?
Im plagued by hypocrisy
this is not how how I was meant to be
this is not what I tried to be
this is not me

you say keep on keeping on
bounce in my step singing a song?
I wish
be happy?
relate to where Im coming from you *******
again Im sorry but this is not me

let me explain:
a scratch on my lens distorts all that I see
each mental note I take
is written on damp moldy paper that
I try to dry by the heat of the fire but
it gets lost to the flames
and I sustain my condition
and lay in the same position
for days on end. there is no end
to this meager attempt
at finding a loop hole to jump through
and even if one opened up Im still on the fence
if Id be better off on the other side
because I fear what comes next but
hopes are that it will cleanse.
and as I push through to you
listening to the humming of my tired seamstress
ready to finish weaving
what it took my lifetime to fray

Im haunted by the image
of the last fragile thread
taught and broken
sending me down down
down
arms reaching
for your familiar face
with that familiar look
of dismay

he fought men strong
he believed the earth shone brighter than the moon dull  
he loved to carry her  in his hands  
he was tired but strong like the sun  
like man falling through and not getting back up

DRIVE  AWAY 
                                             THOUGHTS:
                                ROUGH ROADS
                                          KNOWING
                                              HOLDING
                                                    OPEN
                                                       CALLS
                                              MAKE  TURN:
                                                      LIGHT 
                                                       LIKE
                                                        SPRING  
                                                         BIRDS

I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
its hard to breathe and think these days and nights
turning into tired mornings.
rolling over
wishing away the bright light that falls through my open curtains.

the street calls for me.
my pen calls my name.
asking me to write down short words
about shorter roads that led me to dead ends.
long lost in memories of years past.
I have forgotten them.
they are no longer part of me.

because roads i travel on now
are hard and rough
like calluses on the hands of cattle drivers
through cold mountain passages in early spring.
holding tight to ropes and reigns
knowing all they can do is wake up and ride again
because that is how they live.

they breathe like fire from the depths,
melting the frost off of their mustaches and beards
like icicles on the eves of  your house.
like scars on his chest.
like leaves on trees i climbed as a child
they fall down to the ground and turn to earthly dust.
like birds in the sky in late july

when the wind is right I can smell your perfume.
the sweet scent of you dreaming at night drifts to my open window 12 miles away
and I live near the bay but the smell of salt does not drive it away
it pushes me closer to the thought of laying in an open field holding you gently

and today the trees start to turn an awkward green
before eventually burning seceding into blazing glory orange
heat like red fire
like phoenix into flames.
all the other birds have gone away
seeking a warmer place.
daylight is short but it remains
and it is enough to light the way
down another rough road waiting for may.
but once winter grey and white takes hold and takes flight,
day claims back what was stolen by night.
then comes spring chasing the grating dragging ice frozen pain
it goes away
and glory and hope become engrained in my brain
and these birds they come back
new strength to carry on.
pushing through to make new buds to form the green wings for nests to rest
and make love and make do and produce
and take flight once more to heights
thought not possible before.
yes it passes all is transient
everything massive
everything trivial
because menial tasks drive me and you insane
but you cant be away when i need you the most.
like now when im breathing so deep
and i just want to speak to you.
heart racing and thinking about facing away from tomorrow
because today feels like im so far away from you.
ok i know how to send signals of disgust and dismay
but i want to connect to the ethereal plane inside of your brain
and mind and soul and touch where you hold
everything out so true and so plainly.
because it is plain for me to see
that i cant seem to get rid of the thought of you knowing more than my name.
we could make brighter days
and nights that we can light
with our combined fire
that can burn brighter
than either of us can produce
with all of our might.

lay down your arms at the foot of her bed
lay down your arms at the foot of great monuments to her war
where you have awoken amidst the ferns in that deathly hour

and let her strong masculine hands lead you to a place
where your fears are mounted on the blackest of stallions
driven by the most unholy of demons
and let her lay bear your chest
skin thick with scars from old attempts at immortality
scrape the meat to show the place where your weaknesses hide
shrouded in dry, cracked, velvet steel
stained from your acid tears that fall down your tired face

and as she whispers to you the alms of renewal
let your mind embrace the scent of her breath
and forget her lust
and forget the fear
and forget the death and regret that you have made part of you
release it through your flesh as each fragile layer comes peeling off like dead petals in the heat

I loved a man.
he had strong hands, he would carry me, but
he's tired now.
I loved a man.
he had golden skin that shone like the sun, but
it's dull now.
I loved a man.
he fought for what he believed in, but
now what he believed in is falling to pieces.
I loved a man, but
he's falling to pieces.