Hey, mom,
Aren’t the stars gorgeous tonight?
They remind of the days when
You turned off my light.
Every night, I remember,
You would tuck me into bed
Plug in my night light and
Plant a kiss on my head.

Wow, mom…
Wasn’t it such a long time ago
When my baby sister and I
Came in the house from the snow?
We were always dripping wet,
You toweled us down and hugged us tight.
Hot cocoa was always ready for us,
The temperature always just right.

So, mom,
Please know we forgive you and dad
It’s not your fault we didn’t
Have everything others had.
The divorce was a good thing,
We know that, trust me,
It’s just that it was scary
Not knowing what would be.

Hey, mom?
Thank you for bringing us home.
For giving us a house
And free space to roam.
These plains and skies are spacious
The air we breathe is clean,
I’m grateful for the life we have.
Thanks for everything.

And, mom…
Do you remember move-in day?
After we unpacked my things,
I told you that you didn’t need to stay…
The truth is, mom, I cried like a kid,
When you pulled out of the parking lot.
All the courage that I thought I had,
Well, I guess it was lost.

Really, mom,
I hope you know how much I love you.
I want you know that I appreciate
All the little things you do.
I want to take this time to apologize,
For all the hurt that I’ve brought to you.
I know raising me wasn’t the easiest,
So I’m sorry for all that I’ve put you through.

Lastly, mom,
I’m glad that you found our stepdad.
He’s always been here,
Through the happy and sad.
Yes, we all complain about our mixed family,
The house might not be clean…
But in reality, we all love each other.
What else do we really need?


Hey, mom,
It’s okay. Please stop crying…
This is a happy moment.
I love you so much! I’m not lying!
Thank you for all that you’ve given me.
Thank you for believing in me.
We’ve lived and learned together,
That’s all we really need.

I don't know why the sun shines.
Can't tell you why it rains.
Unaware of why the sky is blue,
Or how it holds up planes.

I know that rivers run south,
And that flamingos aren't really pink.
Know how to use proper grammar,
Getting a degree in how people think.

I may not know what you know.
Of course, you don't know me,
Everybody is different.
We all have our cup-o-tea.

Whether you know why the sun shines,
Or you haven't got a clue,
If you open your eyes, heart, and mind,
I will do the same for you.

Three weeks and some odd days,
A beginning, just a start,
So much to learn and do and say,
Yet you’ve already stolen my heart.
Maybe that’s what scares me…
The fact that I cannot turn around.
I couldn’t run now if I wanted to,
My wall is already broken down.
I want to tell you everything,
Sit you down and let it all out,
But inside me this tension is burning,
Frustrated and emerged in doubt.
When my eyes meet yours,
Do you catch your breath, too?
Do you feel even close to what I do,
When I take in the beauty of you?
Why does it feel like I’m losing you
When we’ve only just begun?
You feel so unbearably distant…
Just how far have you run?

It’s strange that when I first met you,
Our planets rotated in opposite directions
Really, I hardly knew your name.
You were the girl with the turtle backpack.
You were that girl in my theatre class.
Funny, that I had absolutely no clue,
In the very near future you would become
The person that I share everything with.

I laugh when I look back and remember,
We first bonded over a television and a couch.
We soon became “brain twins”
(And let’s be real, we definitely are,)
And I still love our little brain-touch
That we do when we have the same thoughts.

You are truly my best friend,
I hope you know that and always do.
I’m always here for you.
No matter if it means
Going home for a while,
Watching Peter Pan in silence,
Or breaking pickle jars.

I want to take this time to thank you,
For breaking through my shell.
For all the long conversations where
We have shared so much about ourselves.
For always being by my side
And for being completely honest
No matter how much it hurts.

Thank you so much for being the friend
That I always hoped I could have.
Your friendship means the world to me,
And I know it’s something we will always share.

Isn't it funny,
How we can meet a person
That changes our life instantly?
Everything is reborn and improved
Just by hearing their sweet name
For the very first time…

When that person looks into your eyes,
They are no longer your eyes.
They are portals that have opened,
Exposing every bit and piece of you,
Letting them see your soul.
You’re scared, but you can’t look away,
Because their irises are the brightest color…

And just grasping that moment,
It makes you catch your breath.
The hurt of your past vanishes into thin air
Because you are incapable of remembering
Anything prior to that exact second.

Then, they smile at you for the first time,
You feel your heart soar above the clouds
Because it is the most beautiful work of art
You have ever seen chiseled into a human face,
Unreal, almost, the only thing still holding
Your feet to the ground are those eyes.

Yes, those eyes become your anchor, because
You’re not prepared for the melodic sound
Of their laughter ringing in your ears.
And you want to take back all the hurt and tears,
Turning it into something beautifully magnificent,
So that there’s nothing left but love in your heart
For you to give this person.

Surprisingly, your mouth forms a few words
To say to this person, although your brain cannot
Form any thought other than, “This is it.”

And now, you finally know,
Love At First Sight does exist.

“Perfect,
Get it perfect.”
What was ‘perfect?’
Perfect grades? Perfect manners?
Perfect charade…
Charade?
I never knew it was pretend…
Just thought fighting and lying and leaving
Was completely normal…
Felt like a broken cocoon with a beautiful butterfly
That’s too scared of the outside world to emerge.
“Perfect,
Just perfect.”
Broken chairs, broken walls, broken hearts.
Fighting wasn’t an ideal perception,
It was everything I breathed, all that I knew.
Strangling the idea of perfection
Until it slipped right through our hands.
Perfectly out of hand and sight
The only thing in sight, in fact, was a hand
Across my mother’s cheek, and only
Because she chose to speak
Well, isn’t that image just perfect?
“Perfect, Caytlin, perfect,”
The answer he gave at that moment
When asked if I believed the marriage would work
I was only eleven… eleven…
What was I supposed to say?
“No.”
Tears ran in perfect streams
Down my mother and sister’s faces
Like rain coming down softly
Calming right after the storm.
My eyes stayed dry because I knew
This was never perfection at all
Just a big misunderstanding
My mother holding onto the edge of the cliff
Because she was too afraid to let go
Of what she knew and fall into the perfect waters.
….perfect?
What is perfect?
Everything that I am not?
The things that I have failed to do?
The people I couldn’t manage to impress?
Perfect is a figment of our imaginations,
Because 'perfect' does not exist.

Woke up this morning, remembering the day.
The last thing on my mind was what people would say
When I walked into the cafeteria with ashes upon my face,
And folded my hands in my lap to say grace.
All of my life on this day there's been a smudge
Right on my forehead for everyone to judge,
But it's different this year, in college, all alone
Not going to church with my family and back home.
"What's on your face?" they asked me today,
All I could explain was that "It's Ash Wednesday."
Eyes on my forehead instead of my face,
Fish on my plate while feeling out of place...
My friends made jokes, and I tried to laugh along,
But it's real to me though people think I'm wrong.
Some ask me why I'm Catholic, and do I really confess my sins,
Do I believe in purgatory? Where do I even begin...
Lent is a time for sacrifice and a season that makes me proud.
Yes, I am a Catholic, I love God, and say it out loud.
So when people take strange looks at the ashes on my face,
I will only smile back because these ashes bring me grace.